You Can Fool Yourself But You Cannot Fool God: Masturbation is Self-Rape

August 31, 2014 11

Many of the masturhaters who troll this holy netsite have convinced themselves that masturbation is “hip” and “cool”.  Tell me, is burning in Hell for eternity “hip” and “cool”?  The faithfact is that masturbation is a form of self-rape.  Not so “cool” now, is it?  STOP Masturbation NOW and become saved!  Praise!

 

God bless some of you!

 

-Lonnie Childs

Masturbation Causes Increase in Yellowstone Caldera Volcanic Activity

July 30, 2014 16

YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK/ PORTAL TO HELL (SMNNN)

The Yellowstone super volcano is due for the largest eruption ever seen in the 8,000 year history of the Earth, and masturbation is definitely the causes, say leading Faithvolcanologists.

MRFP particles in the area contributed to this disaster, or will contribute, rather. As it’s gonna happen.

Masturbation, long conclusively proven to be causing Global Warmings, is now known to be hydraulically super-heating the Yellowstone magma and turbo-charging it’s hot-spot plume.

Masturbation residue film particles (MRFP) have been […]

Lonnie’s Followers Use Weird Trick to Achieve FaithGasm

July 21, 2014 19

 

SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Here at Stop Masturbation Now, we eschew the practice of ejaculatory orgasm as a wasteful and sinful release. Our mission is to educate you of its negative physical and spiritual consequences. Ever since Onan spilled his seed upon the ground, men have been shooting putty with their sin stick and women have spent a lot of time spelunking in their sin caves. The results are just about everything that’s wrong with society – which we have covered […]

1st Annual Celebration of Normals: Columbus, Ohio 9/20/14

July 15, 2014 5

STOP Masturbation NOW Premier Event

Please join Stop Masturbation Now and Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin for the 1st Annual Celebration of Normals at Goodale Park in tropical Columbus, Ohio on Saturday September 20, 2014 10:00am-10:00pm

Everyone is Welcome*

Have your Children sign the Stop MAsturbation Now Pledge and get their picture taken with Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin

Music by The Swinging Bavarian’s

Free Holy Water

Beer Tent (NO BYOB, Pot-Weed Needles, or ellis dee Bongs)

Prayer AT Circle to pray AT the filthy hippie pro-masturbation “Folk […]

Masturbation Rates by Species

July 5, 2014 31

The FaithFacts™ don’t lie. 

 

God Bless,

TheRev

TheRev Leory Jenkins is a Sr. Staff Writer for BLUFF Press, LLC.

785-274-0325 or

Born after 1980? You’ll have no idea what this device is.

July 1, 2014 24

WEST PALM BEACH, FLA. – If you were born after 1980 you’ve probably never seen this device before, and you likely don’t even know what it was used for.  But if you were born in the age of self-control, you’re parents may have made you wear this, and if so, you’re likely thanking them today.

This male anti-masturbation device, known as an “Ouch Pouch,” was once so common you could pick one up at any gas station, just in case that […]

Masturbation Mythbusters: Medical Masturbation – The Dismal ScLIEnce

May 30, 2014 5

Myth:

It is OK to let doctors masturbate me because scLIEnce says that I must allow them to smear my paps!

Status: B U S T E D!

Nice try ladies! This line of reasoning completely falls apart when one considers the findings of The Foundation for a Better Tomorrow, which clearly establishes that any mitigation of health outcomes attributed to medical masturbation fall well bellow the threshold for statistical significance. Moreover, it has been clearly demonstrated that petitioning for divine intervention yields […]

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