Self-Celibacy in History: Dunkirk

March 6, 2017 15

History books are most certainly slanted by the forces of Big Masturbation. In modern times, it’s a literal crime that our precious youth must be forced to incorporate horrible inaccuracies and filth interjected from the […]

Trump to Impose Masturbation Ban

February 5, 2017 12

President Trump confirms he is about to authorize a “ban” on masturbators migration, new restrictions on entry from countries with a history of masturbation. “It’s countries that have tremendous self-rape,” Trump told SMN News in […]

B.L.U.F.F. Male Masturbation Detection

November 21, 2016 14

SMN -My dear friends in Christ through the Lonaldian Way. As you are well aware, the fight against the sin of self rape is an ongoing process, one that is never finished. The holy bible, […]

Youth Caught Self Raping

June 23, 2016 64

When Dana Pridemore of Evanston, IL climbed the stairs of her family’s two-story suburban home to  retire for the evening, all she had on her mind was her Harper’s Magazine and a few segments of […]

Shorts: Satan’s Garment

August 28, 2015 8

A new study by the Foundation For A Better Tomorrow resulted in the discovery that there is a significant increase in self-rape rates in the warmer months of the year. Faith Scientist, Brother Richie Brinkman made the […]

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