Post Tagged with: "Masturbation"

Adam Richman’s New Show Banned After Anti-Masturbation Rant

Adam Richman’s New Show Banned After Anti-Masturbation Rant

LIBERAL HOLLYWOOD, CALIF. — (SMNNN) The star of the critically acclaimed television program Man vs. Food, had his new upcoming series, Man Stops Masturbating, “postponed indefinitely” after comments he made on a world wide web netsite called “Instagram”. On the netsite, Richman posted a photo of himself with both hands […]

by July 3, 2014 15 comments Celebrity
Gosling Furious Over McAdams On Set Masturbation

Gosling Furious Over McAdams On Set Masturbation

LIBERAL HOLLYWOOD, CALIF. — (SMNNN) Brilliant actor and man’s man, Ryan Gosling, announced today that the filming of “The Notebook” wasn’t all sunshine and pink unicorns. In fact, Gosling admitted to VH1 rival, The Soundtrack Channel, that he wanted co-star Rachel McAdams “kicked off of set for her uncontrollable masturbation […]

by July 2, 2014 10 comments Celebrity
Normal Race Non-Masturbating Girl

Parenting tips: How to raise her to be a Normal Non-Masturbator

Letters From our Readers to TheRev By: TheRev Leroy Jenkins Dear Reverend Jenkins,  In this day of modern distractions such as FaceSpace, Twiddle, Samsung iPhones,  and Rap Music, how am I to raise my sweet daughter to become a Normal Non-Masturbating young lady?  Sincerely, A Concerned White Dad    Dear […]

Masturbation… #NotEvenOnce

Masturbation… #NotEvenOnce

Many famous celebrities have been caught with their hands where they shouldn’t be. The “Not Even Once” Faith Fact has been documented with a series of “Before” and “After” web photos that show the steady decline that happens after masturbating even just one time. Feel free to share these memers with your […]

by June 30, 2014 31 comments Celebrity
Kim Jong-Un Angry At Seth Rogen For Filming Masturbation Snuff Film

Kim Jong-Un Angry At Seth Rogen For Filming Masturbation Snuff Film

PYONGYANG, DPRK — (SMNNN) In a surprising move today, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un took time out from recording music with Snoop Dogg, to declare a recent film by Seth Rogen as an “act of war against all who oppose masturbation”. Rogen’s new film stars himself and fellow liberal masturbator […]

by June 25, 2014 20 comments Foreigners, Politics, World
Depraved Twitter User Hides Masturbation Supplies On College Campus

Depraved Twitter User Hides Masturbation Supplies On College Campus

SACRAMENTO, CALIF. — (SMNNN) A user on the popular world wide web netsite “Twitter” hid 18 hidden caches of masturbation supplies on the Sacramento State University college campus early Tuesday morning. Multiple Sacramento State students and unrepentant masturbators in the city of Sacramento flocked to the campus to search for the […]

by June 24, 2014 7 comments Money, Politics
WARNING!!! ACHTUNG!!!!

WARNING!!! ACHTUNG!!!!

Big Masturbation has reportedly invented a device the runs on self-rape. The hussy pictured above is an agent of Big Masturbation. Her face is blacked out to protect the precious youth of B.L.U.F.F. She was spotted just outside the main gates of B.L.U.F.F. near the moat. She is a sinner, […]

by June 24, 2014 14 comments Uncategorized
…My Glimmer of Hope

…My Glimmer of Hope

By Cassidy Pen My dear friends in Lonnie and Christ, many of you remember my SRAS, Angela Pen. My days have been filled with the empty pain of loneliness since my beloved sras went missing. My spirit, cursed with hearing rumors of her capture at the hands of self raping […]

by June 23, 2014 1 comment Uncategorized
Firefighters Battle Self Rape in Addition to Fire

Firefighters Battle Self Rape in Addition to Fire

By: Cassidy Pen TEXAS – Firefighters are discovering that they must battle masturbating self rapists as well as dangerous brush fires. These heroes deserve more.

by June 23, 2014 9 comments Politics
Brother Nikita Shalavin on How Masturbation Leads to Rape

Brother Nikita Shalavin on How Masturbation Leads to Rape

“Masturbation slowly eliminates the person’s own boundaries and constraints.  Most healthy people want to masturbate and also have sex, but don’t/cannot.  By indulging in masturbation, you are conditioning the body to always get what it wants.  Think of a spoiled child, for example.  Once masturbation is no longer enough, sex […]

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