Post Tagged with: "Masturbation"

SMN Ministries Announces Boycott and Protest of Masturbation Movie “A Cure For Wellness”

SMN Ministries Announces Boycott and Protest of Masturbation Movie “A Cure For Wellness”

“And when the LORD saw it, he abhorred them, because of the provoking of his sons, and of his daughters.” — Deut 32.19 In an expected move, SMN Ministries has announced its intention to protest the newest release from Regency Enterprises. A Cure for Wellness is Hollywood’s newest Big Masturbation […]

by February 8, 2017 10 comments Big Masturbation, Moral Outrage, Morals
Trump to Impose Masturbation Ban

Trump to Impose Masturbation Ban

President Trump confirms he is about to authorize a “ban” on masturbators migration, new restrictions on entry from countries with a history of masturbation. “It’s countries that have tremendous self-rape,” Trump told SMN News in his first Skype interview as president. “And it’s countries that people are going to cum […]

by February 5, 2017 8 comments Politics
Mexi-FemiNazi’s Attack Chancellor Lonnie Childs During Press Conference!

Mexi-FemiNazi’s Attack Chancellor Lonnie Childs During Press Conference!

By Nigel J. Covington III Reporting For SMN News (SMN News) Today the U.S. Department of Education, (DOE) announced the Board of Education has approved a new Sex Education curriculum for all high school aged students who attend public high schools throughout the country. Cynthia Castle-Coe, a spokesperson for the […]

by February 4, 2017 1 comment Press Release
Family Unknowingly Sleeps in Hotel with Remnants of Self-Rape in Drawer

Family Unknowingly Sleeps in Hotel with Remnants of Self-Rape in Drawer

TEXARKANA – Bad room service was the least of the worries a family of four were forced to deal with after a semen stained rag was found stuffed into a Gideon’s Bible in the drawer of their room. The Texarkana Times reports the parents had noticed a foul smell in […]

by November 23, 2016 3 comments Family Values
B.L.U.F.F. Male Masturbation Detection

B.L.U.F.F. Male Masturbation Detection

SMN -My dear friends in Christ through the Lonaldian Way. As you are well aware, the fight against the sin of self rape is an ongoing process, one that is never finished. The holy bible, being the most important reference on the topic of morality, contains certain instructions and responsibilities […]

by November 21, 2016 14 comments B.L.U.F.F.
The Pridemore Family, during happier times.

Youth Caught Self Raping

When Dana Pridemore of Evanston, IL climbed the stairs of her family’s two-story suburban home to  retire for the evening, all she had on her mind was her Harper’s Magazine and a few segments of the Tonight Show before turning in. She visited her daughter Sarah, who at the tender […]

by June 23, 2016 64 comments B.L.U.F.F., Family Values
Ted Cruz Trying to Sway the Anti-Masturbation Vote Away From Trump

Ted Cruz Trying to Sway the Anti-Masturbation Vote Away From Trump

Ever since SMN Ministries founder and overall spiritual leader Lonnie Childs declared his endorsement for GOP frontrunner Donald Trump, Texas senator Ted Cruz has been lobbying the Anti-Masturbation community for their support, directly. Senator Cruz has repeatedly brought-up his 2004 efforts as Solicitor General of Texas to ban the sale […]

by April 15, 2016 2 comments Politics
Australian Man Marries Hand in Secret Ceremony

Australian Man Marries Hand in Secret Ceremony

One’s own hand may, sadly to some, become known as a lonely man’s only friend, but one Australian has taken his self love to an entirely new level by marrying his cherished appendage. According to the Down Under Times, Joe Grosser wed his hand, which he named, “Honey,” under a […]

by January 20, 2016 3 comments Faces of Masturbation
Short pants bring out the Devil in masturbators.

Shorts: Satan’s Garment

A new study by the Foundation For A Better Tomorrow resulted in the discovery that there is a significant increase in self-rape rates in the warmer months of the year. Faith Scientist, Brother Richie Brinkman made the startling conclusion that one of the key factors to this spike in masturbation statistics is […]

by August 28, 2015 8 comments Gateway Drug
Lonnie Childs Pulls Masturbation Confession from Sandwich Baron

Lonnie Childs Pulls Masturbation Confession from Sandwich Baron

By now you’ve probably already seen the news that former sandwich icon, Jared Fogle, of the famed Subway fast food chain is about to plead guilty to allegations that he possessed illegal child pornography. Prior to this revelation, Fogle had been mum about his level of guilt in the Jared […]

by August 18, 2015 3 comments Celebrity, Lonnie Childs
Help Stop Masturbation Now!
Get the latest content first.
We respect your privacy.