Pioneers of Self-Celibacy: Ty Cobb

March 25, 2015 3

<STOP MASTURBATION NOW!> Born December 18, 1886 in Rural Georgia only one generation after the war between the states, Tyrus Raymond “Ty” Cobb became one of baseball’s greatest players and a pioneer in the struggle […]

Great Moments In Anti-Masturbation History: Seinfeld

March 23, 2015 3

Midway through its fourth season, popular NBC sitcom, ‘Seinfeld’, featured an episode called “The Contest” where the main characters all decided to see which one could refrain from masturbation the longest. At first the network […]

Hotel Chain Promotes Masturbation

March 20, 2015 2

Big Masturbation has reportedly taken control of the “Days Inn” chain of budget hotels. An Instagram user discovered what they referred to as the “mosr (sic) accurate ‘do not disturb’ sign ever. All that’s missing is the furious […]

19-Year-Old Girl Drowns Masturbating In Shower

December 4, 2014 36

19-Year-Old Becky Hawkins of Pink Hill, North Carolina met the same fate that befalls 100% of all masturbators when she died committing the sin of self-rape in her shower. Hawkins, overcome by the throes of […]

Disturbing Video: Panda Caught Self-raping

October 21, 2014 10

The Wicked Wildlife Federation, in association with agents from Big Masturbation have released a disturbing video. The grainy, shaking, out-of-focus footage shows a psychotic panda with glazed eyes, oblivious to the world, shaking his sin stick with […]

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