Family Unknowingly Sleeps in Hotel with Remnants of Self-Rape in Drawer

November 23, 2016 3

TEXARKANA – Bad room service was the least of the worries a family of four were forced to deal with after a semen stained rag was found stuffed into a Gideon’s Bible in the drawer of their room.

The Texarkana Times reports the parents had noticed a foul smell in their room at the Hotel Benavidez in Texarkana.

The family, whose name will not be revealed, returned from a functioning lunch when the maternal parent discovered a faint almond odor when entering […]

Brother Lonnie Announces He Forgives Native American Teepee Indians

October 12, 2015 38

Brother Lonald “Lonnie” Childs has long been a pioneer in race relations through his compassionate programs to institute White privilege for all through prayer and free skin bleaching procedures.  As such Brother Lonnie has seen a disturbing rise of intolerance that he has decided to combat.  With recent efforts by intolerant White LIEberals to erase Teepee Indians from our culture by renaming the Washington Redskins, Brother Lonnie has decided it is time for America to own up to it’s treatment […]

Brother Lonnie Revokes Tiger Woods’ Normal Status

February 7, 2015 6

According to Brother Lonald “Lonnie” Childs, honorary Normal skinned golfing sensation Tiger Woods is once again black thanks to the recent scandal regarding his rampant masturbation and sleeping with over a dozen chubby white women with self esteem issues.  Tiger was made an honorary Normal due to his mastery of golf, his gleaming white teeth, friendship to white, moral, virtuous NFL superstar Ben Roethlisberger and his image as a family man who paid his bills on time.  “It is with a […]

Diaries of a Masturbator Hunter

November 11, 2014 27

As a member of the Anti-masturbation neighborhood watch in my community, it is my duty to watch all the houses in our neighborhood for potential self-rapists. I am in charge(Self-promoted) of making sure that people keep their yards well groomed, conduct themselves in a civil manner in public, keep blacks and other non-normals from roaming our streets, and going through the garbage of the neighborhood to find any type of masturbation aids like lotion, lubes, motor oil, Hot Pockets, screwdrivers, […]

Blecks Change Black History Month to Lonnie History Month

October 30, 2014 18

Many non normal Americans have been falsely categorized as being ungrateful for the many accomplishments of the normal white man under Brother Lonnie’s supervision. Despite left wing media jibberish, blecks are quite happy to have had their ancestors brought to american via top notch cruise vessels to perform the tasks necessary to build the Americas into the powerful Lonvidian nation you see today.

What the noisy non normals such as the Reverend Al Sharpton, Michelle Obama, and Flavor Flav fail to […]

Ebola Mutation Transmitted via Masturbation

October 12, 2014 8

The Foundation For a Better Tomorrow in association with B.L.U.F.F. has confirmed that a new super strain of Ebola is passed to hosts through masturbation. The virus clings to the outer skin palettes and is launched airborne at the moment of masturbatory climactic release, becoming airborne and susceptible to transmission to anyone breathing in the tainted air.

The virus is strengthened by the humid and grimy climates common to the maturbationist’s environment. The virus is transferred to the hands by coughing […]

The Finger Sniff Test-Where Non-Normal Arguments Fail

October 6, 2014 19

B.L.U.F.F. – My Dear Friends in Christ, you have been recently enlightened on this Holy Webpage with guidelines to prevent masturbation in your young daughter’s life. The B.L.U.F.F. Finger Sniff Test was presented with the blessings of the Faith Facts Eldership. It has also been proven to be a most effective method in curtailing the occurence of masturbation sin within our daughters.

Recently, this publication has come under scrutiny for this column. Non-normal masturbationists have organized protests and DOS attacks against […]

The Faces of Masturbation Series: Recognize the Signs!

September 23, 2014 23

Encountering a masturbator in the wild can be frightening if you don’t recognize the warning signs.  Pictured is your typical brain-dead masturbator, capable of only making guttural groaning noises, hurling insults that only the most remedial 3rd grade dropout might find amusing and, of course, masturbation.  Be aware of the warning signs and God bless some of

The Menstrual Hut

September 23, 2014 20

The Menstrual Hut
Procedures and Guidelines

*Note: The following is a living document subject to refinement, adjustment, and reinterpretation by Brother Lonnie in conjunction with the B.L.U.F.F. Council of Elders (Eldership). Revisions may occur without notice; however, they become Campus Law as soon as they are bound to print. Any or all laws contained within the B.L.U.F.F. Handbook may be superseded by the King Lonald Holy Bible or by proclamation from Brother Lonnie or the Council of Elders (Eldership).

Brother Lonnie’s University of […]

1 2 3 4