Should People Who Masturbate Be Allowed to Vote?

May 10, 2015 201

Confiscated from an early voting station.

What a country!  As God-appointed Americans, we live in a Christian land, founded on Christian morals by non-masturbating Christian heroes.  One of the great tenets of this fantastic nation in which we reside is the concept of a free democracy.  A government of the people, by the people, for the people.  One of our inalienable rights as a citizens is to partake in an electoral system, where we have the ability to vote on a choice between […]

U.S. Government ‘Accidentally’ Leaks Lonnie Childs Southwest Conquest Map

April 4, 2015 6

According to sources within Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts, the United States has ‘accidentally’ leaked a map that B.L.U.F.F. was using for internal strategy purposes. The map in question featured the Southwest of the United States and labeled the areas that Brother Lonnie and His advisors had planned to focus their growth and outreach for the 2015 calendar year.

Brother Art Krebs with B.L.U.F.F. explains that, “We give our plans to the U.S. Government as a courtesy, so they are […]

Children Are Our Future. Think About Them The Next Time You Self-Rape.

December 15, 2014 19

The future is here and now, people. We are currently living with the people who will control our World for the rest of our lives. If you live a normal lifestyle, you may make it to 80 or 90 now, but realisticly, you will be dead by 50-60 years old due to Obamacare and Cancers that Obama created. We need to focus on our children now. Kids ages 5-12 are primed to be the next great White, Christian, Republican Senator […]

Lonnie is Homo With the Father

October 21, 2014 15

WARNING: TL;DR

The Father is homo with the Son.
The Son is homo with the Bird.
The Bird is the Word.
In the beginning was the Word,
and the Word was with God,
and the Word was God.
The Word became flesh and dwelt among us.
Behold, the Technical Virgin was with child.
And she asked the angel Lorenzo Horatio Ribierto III,
“What shall I call him?”
And he answered her, “You shall call his name ‘Lonnie’,
for he shall save his people from their sin sticks.”

If […]

Bitter and Angry Obama Flings Coffee in Marine’s Face

September 25, 2014 9

When President Obama disembarked his helicopter in New York on Tuesday, he created a firestorm by doing what he has done thousands of times before: Salute the Marine standing on the tarmac.

Only this time, he had a cup in his hands, and he somewhat awkwardly delivered the salute while keeping hold of the paper cup. When the Marine looked at questioningly, the president apparently threw the cup of steaming hot coffee in his face, while

A picture of the victim, immediately […]

The Self-Rape Salute: PresiDON’T Obama Disgraces His Office Yet Again

September 25, 2014 8

Barack Hussein Obama, our first Muslim President, has disgraced the office of POTUS time and again during the six long years we’ve had to endure him. Bowing to foreign dignitaries, playing golf, wearing the wrong color, being the wrong color — there’s just nothing this arrogant, godless man won’t do to mock Americans on the world stage. But this time, he’s gone too far.

Seen here in this video brazenly posted on social media by White House staff, the PresiDON’T is […]

Obama Masturbated To Linda Ronstadt As Youth

July 29, 2014 9

President Obama showed his true colors as a masturbator at a White House awards ceremony earlier today. The awards ceremony, honoring no longer relevant musician, Linda Ronstadt, for some reason; found Obama just mere inches away from someone he had spent his childhood fantasizing over. At point, Obama reached over and gently touched Ronstadt’s hand and whispered something in her ear. Obama later admitted to reporters that he told Ronstadt that he “had a crush on her” and “thought of […]

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