Post Tagged with: "Self-Rape"

A Young Girl’s Dilemma – Ask Cassidy

A Young Girl’s Dilemma – Ask Cassidy

Dear, Cassidy. I’m a 14 year-old girl attending Hickory Woods Middle School in Clydesdale, IL. There’s a creepy boy named Marty Swanson who wears baggy pants, a collar shirt, and has dirty beady eyes. He’s always slurping, wiping at his face, and making strange intestinal sounds in school. In my […]

by August 24, 2016 18 comments Family Values
The Pridemore Family, during happier times.

Youth Caught Self Raping

When Dana Pridemore of Evanston, IL climbed the stairs of her family’s two-story suburban home to  retire for the evening, all she had on her mind was her Harper’s Magazine and a few segments of the Tonight Show before turning in. She visited her daughter Sarah, who at the tender […]

by June 23, 2016 64 comments B.L.U.F.F., Family Values
Who's the top self-rape threat to our precious youth? Deadpool...that's who!

Self-Rape Alert: Deadpool

SMN Safford, AZ-The tireless duty of Christian Parents to prevent and punish the vile sin of masturbation has become much harder (pardon the pun) since the opening of the box office smash, Deadpool in local theaters. A disturbing parental alert has been issued by the Faith Advisory Parental Media Information […]

by March 14, 2016 13 comments Celebrity
Australian Man Marries Hand in Secret Ceremony

Australian Man Marries Hand in Secret Ceremony

One’s own hand may, sadly to some, become known as a lonely man’s only friend, but one Australian has taken his self love to an entirely new level by marrying his cherished appendage. According to the Down Under Times, Joe Grosser wed his hand, which he named, “Honey,” under a […]

by January 20, 2016 3 comments Faces of Masturbation
Pope Francis Supports Lonnie Childs in His Mission to Cleanse the Earth

Pope Francis Supports Lonnie Childs in His Mission to Cleanse the Earth

After many sit down meetings and hours on private phone conversations, it appears that none other than Pope Francis finally has accepted Lonnie Childs’s plan to eradicate the Earth of masturbation. Speaking to his millions… and millions of fans on Twitter, Pope Francis went on quite a rant about how […]

by September 14, 2015 0 comments Lonnie Childs
Masturbation Warning: Dear Abby

Masturbation Warning: Dear Abby

Jeanne Phillips, who writes the “Dear Abby” column, has come out as a self-rapist and proponent of the Satanic lifestyle as pushed on society by agents of Big Masturbation. In her latest column, Ms. Phillips comforted a despondent, guilt riddled masturbator, Her advice included the statement, “…masturbation is normal. It […]

BREAKING: Lonnie Childs Gets Masturbator Hulk Hogan Banished From WWE

BREAKING: Lonnie Childs Gets Masturbator Hulk Hogan Banished From WWE

STAMFORD, CT (SMN) — Word has spread quickly tonight that World Wrestling Entertainment has purged former “Superstar”, Terry “Hulk Hogan” Bollea from their entire website and have also removed him as a judge on their weekly reality show ‘Tough Enough’. That has been much speculation on what would cause the […]

by July 24, 2015 6 comments Lonnie Childs
Photo courtesy of Flavorwire

A Woman Has Come Forward Claiming Self-Rape at the Hands of Bill Cosby

Beloved comedian, actor, producer, philanthropist and all-around good guy; Bill Cosby, has been accused by a former actress of forcible Self-Rape. Tamika Jones claims that during the 1980s, she compulsively tuned-in to PBS’s broadcast of “Picture Page” and would masturbate while America’s Male-Sweetheart would draw pictures and tell stories. Miss […]

by July 7, 2015 8 comments Celebrity
New Zealand, the World’s Self Rape Hell

New Zealand, the World’s Self Rape Hell

New Zealand is a volcanic mass in the middle of the sea lying east of the Island nation of Austria. It has been proven that the earthquake and natural disasters which formed New Zealand were the point from which devils burst through the earth in the demonic ascension, one of […]

by June 20, 2015 15 comments Foreigners
U.S. Justice Department Statistics are in.  Topping the list of sexual assault in Federal Prisons…Masturbation!!!!

U.S. Justice Department Statistics are in. Topping the list of sexual assault in Federal Prisons…Masturbation!!!!

  Every year, the Justice Department airs its dirty laundry about what criminals do while in their custody.  The top three forms of sexual assault in Federal Prisons Are: Masturbation (self-rape) Forcible Rape (mainstream-rape) Food Rape (usually produce or ham) Eating bad food, having to associate with minorities, and living […]

by June 18, 2015 2 comments Crime
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