Self-Celibacy in History: Dunkirk

March 6, 2017 15

History books are most certainly slanted by the forces of Big Masturbation. In modern times, it’s a literal crime that our precious youth must be forced to incorporate horrible inaccuracies and filth interjected from the […]

Win a Stop Masturbation Now AR-15 Rifle!

September 20, 2014 11

SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Did you know Stop Masturbation Now Ministries Inc. is GIVING AWAY a fully semi-automatic AR-15 assault rifle? Yes! For a limited time, you can enter the official SMN Rifle Raffle to win […]

New Sex Toys Allow Wifi Masturbation

August 5, 2014 23

A New Hampshire-based company run by sinful females has introduced new sex toys using wifi technology. The toys, designed to allow two or more users to mutually masturbate themselves, blur the line between masturbation and […]