Self-Celibacy in History: Dunkirk

March 6, 2017 13

History books are most certainly slanted by the forces of Big Masturbation. In modern times, it’s a literal crime that our precious youth must be forced to incorporate horrible inaccuracies and filth interjected from the pages of their history books onto their faces. It is because of this that the SMN Ministries has begun a series of revisions to these fables to correct inaccuracies using historically based FaithFacts™.

The period after the fall of Poland and before the Nazi Blitzkreeg of […]

SMN Ministries Announces Boycott and Protest of Masturbation Movie “A Cure For Wellness”

February 8, 2017 7

“And when the LORD saw it, he abhorred them, because of the provoking of his sons, and of his daughters.” — Deut 32.19

In an expected move, SMN Ministries has announced its intention to protest the newest release from Regency Enterprises.

A Cure for Wellness is Hollywood’s newest Big Masturbation indoctrination. Presenting itself as a “psychological thriller,” the film is nothing more than an exposé of smut and debased sex.

The Faith Advisory Parental Media Information and Liturgical Foundation (FAPMILF), the anti-masturbation in […]

Win a Stop Masturbation Now AR-15 Rifle!

September 20, 2014 11

SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Did you know Stop Masturbation Now Ministries Inc. is GIVING AWAY a fully semi-automatic AR-15 assault rifle? Yes! For a limited time, you can enter the official SMN Rifle Raffle to win a brand new high-tech tactical Armalite AR assault gun!

 

This Colt AK-15 assault submachine rifle carbine is the most popular sporting firearm in America! It is guaranteed to provide you and your loved ones with hours of fun on the firing

Also included: the shoulder thing that goes […]

New Sex Toys Allow Wifi Masturbation

August 5, 2014 23

A New Hampshire-based company run by sinful females has introduced new sex toys using wifi technology. The toys, designed to allow two or more users to mutually masturbate themselves, blur the line between masturbation and the righteous expression of love.

Robot sex innovations have advanced self rape technology in evil ways. The disgustingly named company, OhMiBod, has released an oral sodomy bl*w j*bber and female pleasure pad that mimics the administration of cunnilingus.

Sinners can remotely control the device in intricate ways. […]