I Was Self-Raped

December 21, 2014 49

(SMNN) The sad fact of the matter is, no one asks to be self-raped. You don’t wake up in the morning, and say “Hey, maybe I’ll violate myself today, that’d be great.” Self-rape happens. Here […]

Thursday Sermon

November 20, 2014 13

I’m sad to report that lately this holy netsite has been besieged by vicious masturbators who’ve resorted to personal attacks, foul language, threats of physical violence, pro-masturbation memes and displays of anti-social behavior in general. […]

Diaries of a Masturbator Hunter

November 11, 2014 27

As a member of the Anti-masturbation neighborhood watch in my community, it is my duty to watch all the houses in our neighborhood for potential self-rapists. I am in charge(Self-promoted) of making sure that people […]

Top Five Animals To Go Extinct From Masturbation

November 8, 2014 27

NATURAL HISTORY-(SMNNN) Throughout the approximately 8,500 years the world has existed, many animals have gone extinct, but only a few notable animals have gone extinct from masturbation. Here’s a list of the top five: 1) […]

Save Masturbators From Hell This Halloween!

October 31, 2014 24

Today is Halloween and while most moral Christians will be hunkered down in their homes with their children, Bibles and guns clutched close, the secular world will send their children up to stranger’s doors begging […]

Masturbation is Russian Roulette!

October 20, 2014 11

Heart attacks, blindness and ligament damage (Devil’s Elbow) are all diseases associated with self-rape.  Whenever you masturbate you’re playing Russian Roulette!  Your next stroke of the sin-sword or ringing of the Devil’s Doorbell could be […]

Ebola Mutation Transmitted via Masturbation

October 12, 2014 8

The Foundation For a Better Tomorrow in association with B.L.U.F.F. has confirmed that a new super strain of Ebola is passed to hosts through masturbation. The virus clings to the outer skin palettes and is […]

Mother Milk, A Good Start For Your Child?

October 9, 2014 9

We all know eating the wrong food has many unhealthy side effects, like heart disease and cancer.  But no one knew indulging the wrong foods also ensures one will surrender quickly to the sinful pleasures […]

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