Brother Lonnie Announces He Forgives Native American Teepee Indians

October 12, 2015 38

Brother Lonald “Lonnie” Childs has long been a pioneer in race relations through his compassionate programs to institute White privilege for all through prayer and free skin bleaching procedures.  As such Brother Lonnie has seen a disturbing rise of intolerance that he has decided to combat.  With recent efforts by intolerant White LIEberals to erase Teepee Indians from our culture by renaming the Washington Redskins, Brother Lonnie has decided it is time for America to own up to it’s treatment […]

I Was Self-Raped

December 21, 2014 49

(SMNN)

The sad fact of the matter is, no one asks to be self-raped. You don’t wake up in the morning, and say “Hey, maybe I’ll violate myself today, that’d be great.” Self-rape happens. Here we have the chilling confession of a self-rape survivor, who wished to remain anonymous.

“I was self-raped. I was self-raped, and through Lonnie Child’s Redemption, I was saved, but that’s not what I want to talk about, I want to relate the graphic detail of just how […]

Thursday Sermon

November 20, 2014 13

I’m sad to report that lately this holy netsite has been besieged by vicious masturbators who’ve resorted to personal attacks, foul language, threats of physical violence, pro-masturbation memes and displays of anti-social behavior in general.  I pray at these people daily…

“Lord, please provide us the strength to repel these hateful people with the Truth about self-rape.  May your golden shower of love and forgiveness rain down upon them, cleaning their souls of sin. All we want is to live in […]

Diaries of a Masturbator Hunter

November 11, 2014 27

As a member of the Anti-masturbation neighborhood watch in my community, it is my duty to watch all the houses in our neighborhood for potential self-rapists. I am in charge(Self-promoted) of making sure that people keep their yards well groomed, conduct themselves in a civil manner in public, keep blacks and other non-normals from roaming our streets, and going through the garbage of the neighborhood to find any type of masturbation aids like lotion, lubes, motor oil, Hot Pockets, screwdrivers, […]

Top Five Animals To Go Extinct From Masturbation

November 8, 2014 27

NATURAL HISTORY-(SMNNN)

Throughout the approximately 8,500 years the world has existed, many animals have gone extinct, but only a few notable animals have gone extinct from masturbation.

Here’s a list of the top five:

1) The Tasmanian Tiger.

The thylacine was the first large cat to go extinct from masturbation

2) The Great Normal Rhinoceros

Though his name suggests he is a great beast, the Great Normal Rhinoceros became extinct because of hornplay and masturbation.

3) The Do-Do Bird

Like seriously, do we even have to explain how […]

Save Masturbators From Hell This Halloween!

October 31, 2014 24

Today is Halloween and while most moral Christians will be hunkered down in their homes with their children, Bibles and guns clutched close, the secular world will send their children up to stranger’s doors begging for handouts like the Obama-Socialist zombies they are. This year, we fight back! As Christians, we are called upon by God to spread His Holy Word to the unsaved so we must look at this otherwise wicked day as an opportunity from On High! Like […]

Masturbation is Russian Roulette!

October 20, 2014 11

Heart attacks, blindness and ligament damage (Devil’s Elbow) are all diseases associated with self-rape.  Whenever you masturbate you’re playing Russian Roulette!  Your next stroke of the sin-sword or ringing of the Devil’s Doorbell could be your last!  Do you really want to go out like British rocker Michael Hutchinson or Oriental Kung-Fu fighter David

Ebola Mutation Transmitted via Masturbation

October 12, 2014 8

The Foundation For a Better Tomorrow in association with B.L.U.F.F. has confirmed that a new super strain of Ebola is passed to hosts through masturbation. The virus clings to the outer skin palettes and is launched airborne at the moment of masturbatory climactic release, becoming airborne and susceptible to transmission to anyone breathing in the tainted air.

The virus is strengthened by the humid and grimy climates common to the maturbationist’s environment. The virus is transferred to the hands by coughing […]

Mother Milk, A Good Start For Your Child?

October 9, 2014 9

We all know eating the wrong food has many unhealthy side effects, like heart disease and cancer.  But no one knew indulging the wrong foods also ensures one will surrender quickly to the sinful pleasures of masturbation. The earlier a child eats the wrong foods, the more harmful consequences in the longer term will be.

Recent research from B.L.U.F.F. University BLUFF, Department of Food Technology, has shown how harmful mother milk can be for young children, despite claims by doctors who […]

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