Jessica King started to notice something was wrong with her prized Golden Retriever, “Rusty”. “Rusty” began eating excessive amounts of dog food and even King’s neighbors noticed that he seemed to be growing larger every day. King, distraught, took “Rusty” to the local veterinarian who was equally baffled. “Rusty”‘s diet hadn’t changed, his activity level was normal and as King states, “He no longer fit on the bed with me at night. Something was definitely wrong.” After exhausting all of the veterinary options in the small town of Houston, Delaware, Ms. King looked outward for answers.
After several hours of using search engine “Google” to find out what could be wrong with “Rusty” and coming up empty; a friend suggested King try the same search using Bing®. Almost immediately, Jessica King started to get an idea of what was wrong with her “Rusty” based on the numerous helpful articles and stories that began showing on her computer screen.
“Rusty” is yet another case in an epidemic of canine gigantism that has struck the East Coast of the United States since late February 2014. Faith scientists, working in conjunction with the Foundation For A Better Tomorrow have since determined that Delaware is ‘ground zero’ of this outbreak of canine gigantism. As shown on the Faith Graph™, the cases appear to fan out from the epicenter of central Delaware; reaching as far south as South Carolina and as far north as Maine. Snow Mexico may also be affected but that was not of concern to the faith scientists.
While the mainstream media and pet care industry have attempted to keep a lid on the spread of this horrible disease, the Faith Graphs™ don’t lie. The United States, and the East Coast in particular, is facing the worst outbreak of canine gigantism since the 1800s. Attempts to get a statement on this epidemic from the American Veterinary Medical Association have gone unanswered to both the alternative media and concerned pet owners with dogs suffering from the affliction.
Faith Scientist, Earl Watson stated, “If your dog has grown to be larger than a standard human, it is likely that they are suffering from this strain of canine gigantism. Your ordinary veterinarian is not equipped to handle a condition of this magnitude. We strongly urge you to surrender your canine to the nearest accredited Faith Science facility for further testing and examination.” At press time Watson said his team and many other Faith Scientists have seen some positive results from isolating the animals and then praying at them constantly. It is unknown, however, if that is a permanent cure for the outbreak.
Watson added, “We at least pinpointed the cause of the problem. It appears to stem from ground water contaminated with an excessive amount of proteolytic enzymes. Specifically the types of proteolytic enzymes found in human semen. It is mere speculation at this point, but we are leaning more towards this outbreak being directly tied to careless masturbation practices on the U.S. East Coast. If masturbation was illegal and severely punished, well, maybe some of these poor dogs wouldn’t have to suffer the way they are currently suffering. The only way we can hope for this epidemic to end is for a complete cessation of all masturbation on the United States East Coast.”
As for Jessica and “Rusty”? Jessica is hopeful.
“I found a Faith Science facility not too far from Delaware and turned “Rusty” over to them. I have faith that the miracle workers there will be able to get my “Rusty” back to normal, and God willing I will have him lying on my bed with me again in no time.”