Canine Gigantism Outbreak Hits U.S. East Coast

Faith researchers find root cause in water supply

Gigantism

Jessica King started to notice something was wrong with her prized Golden Retriever, “Rusty”. “Rusty” began eating excessive amounts of dog food and even King’s neighbors noticed that he seemed to be growing larger every day. King, distraught, took “Rusty” to the local veterinarian who was equally baffled. “Rusty”‘s diet hadn’t changed, his activity level was normal and as King states, “He no longer fit on the bed with me at night. Something was definitely wrong.” After exhausting all of the veterinary options in the small town of Houston, Delaware, Ms. King looked outward for answers.

Gigantism FaithGraph™
Canine Gigantism Faith Graph™ courtesy of Foundation For A Better Tomorrow.

After several hours of using search engine “Google” to find out what could be wrong with “Rusty” and coming up empty; a friend suggested King try the same search using Bing®. Almost immediately, Jessica King started to get an idea of what was wrong with her “Rusty” based on the numerous helpful articles and stories that began showing on her computer screen.

“Rusty” is yet another case in an epidemic of canine gigantism that has struck the East Coast of the United States since late February 2014. Faith scientists, working in conjunction with the Foundation For A Better Tomorrow have since determined that Delaware is ‘ground zero’ of this outbreak of canine gigantism. As shown on the Faith Graph™, the cases appear to fan out from the epicenter of central Delaware; reaching as far south as South Carolina and as far north as Maine. Snow Mexico may also be affected but that was not of concern to the faith scientists.

While the mainstream media and pet care industry have attempted to keep a lid on the spread of this horrible disease, the Faith Graphs™ don’t lie. The United States, and the East Coast in particular, is facing the worst outbreak of canine gigantism since the 1800s. Attempts to get a statement on this epidemic from the American Veterinary Medical Association have gone unanswered to both the alternative media and concerned pet owners with dogs suffering from the affliction.

Dog Gigantism
Not only does canine gigantism affect the dog’s quality of life, it can lead to the accidental death of dog owners. (source: Facebook)

Faith Scientist, Earl Watson stated, “If your dog has grown to be larger than a standard human, it is likely that they are suffering from this strain of canine gigantism. Your ordinary veterinarian is not equipped to handle a condition of this magnitude. We strongly urge you to surrender your canine to the nearest accredited Faith Science facility for further testing and examination.” At press time Watson said his team and many other Faith Scientists have seen some positive results from isolating the animals and then praying at them constantly. It is unknown, however, if that is a permanent cure for the outbreak.

Watson added, “We at least pinpointed the cause of the problem. It appears to stem from ground water contaminated with an excessive amount of proteolytic enzymes. Specifically the types of proteolytic enzymes found in human semen. It is mere speculation at this point, but we are leaning more towards this outbreak being directly tied to careless masturbation practices on the U.S. East Coast. If masturbation was illegal and severely punished, well, maybe some of these poor dogs wouldn’t have to suffer the way they are currently suffering. The only way we can hope for this epidemic to end is for a complete cessation of all masturbation on the United States East Coast.”

As for Jessica and “Rusty”? Jessica is hopeful.

“I found a Faith Science facility not too far from Delaware and turned “Rusty” over to them. I have faith that the miracle workers there will be able to get my “Rusty” back to normal, and God willing I will have him lying on my bed with me again in no time.”

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About Cathy Redmond 104 Articles
Cathy Redmond is a graduate of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, earning degrees in English and Political Science. She likes long walks in the desert, strong Conservative leadership and America.

11 Comments on Canine Gigantism Outbreak Hits U.S. East Coast

  1. I knew it wouldn't be long before self rape induced genetic mutations and unnatural disasters would effect our country.

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  2. My God!!! Semen has leeched into the ground water!! It's an epidemic of national proportion!!!

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  3. okay so the dog in the last picture is a St Bernard, they're supposed to be that big. Also Great Danes and Leonbergers and naturally larger (or taller) than human beings. Labradors are also naturally large, some can weigh as much as 115lbs. That's basic biology. Not trying to troll or anything, but don't use pictures of naturally large dog breeds when you're trying to complain about it. Now, if a border collie or any other naturally SMALL dog is suddenly Great Dane size, that there is a problem. But canine gigantism is caused by abnormal behavior in the pituitary gland, and has absolutely NOTHING to do with human anything. Use Google, that's why it's there. Learn all you want.

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    • I wouldn't believe anything "Google" would tell you. You do realize that Google is trying to steal all of our personal information in order to sell it to the foreigners for profit? This is all happening because of the damage the pro-masturbation liberals in the government have done to this nation during the Clinton and Obama administration. The government is in league with other special interest groups and corporations, like your precious "Google", to destroy everything our founding fathers fought for to make America great.

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    • I'm sorry, Cesar "Becky" Milan, but everything in this piece was sourced from the Foundation For A Better Tomorrow's research so it is faith fact. They also gave me additional sourcing from "Facebook" for some of the other information about the dangers to humans. The FFABT Publicity Department supplied me with all of the photos to use in this article, hence the obscured human faces as per their privacy policies. I asked Jessica King to offer up a photo of "Rusty" to try and pull on the heartstrings of the readers, but she was uncomfortable doing so due to his condition and I understood.

      Also, I'd suggest using Bing®. It is better than Google.

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  4. You know, I came here expecting to read a long article about her and her dog shagging. I'm disappointed now.

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