‘Mile High Club’ Masturbation Feat Goes Awry

"More than likely the pilot was engaging in unsafe masturbation and either passed out due to the altitude or threw a clot in his reproductive organs." - Keith Carter (FaAeEng.)

Mile High Club

Officials speculate that an attempt to join a fictional ‘club’ of masturbatory achievement has led to a small plane crashing off the coast of Jamaica on Friday. Many details are still unknown, however it is now confirmed that the doomed flight left Rochester, New York this morning and became “unresponsive” about an hour and fifteen minutes later. Jamaican officials have confirmed the plane crashed 14 miles off the northeast coast of Port Antonio, Jamaica.

Keith Carter FaAeEng., an expert on faith aeronautical engineering at The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, said, “It seems likely this is a case of masturbation at high altitude gone wrong. Joining the so-called ‘Mile High Club’ is something many extreme tier masturbators aspire to. However, many are not prepared to the affects of masturbating in a confined space. Just as passengers are warned about DVT when flying long distances, the same risks apply to the reproductive organs. In a case such as today’s, more than likely the pilot was engaging in unsafe masturbation and either passed out due to the altitude or threw a clot in his reproductive organs. In either case, the plane would definitely become ‘unresponsive’ and we are just fortunate the aircraft came down safely in the ocean and no normals were injured.”

These types of aeronautical disasters do happen, as evidenced by the 1997 case of John Denver that our writer, Milton Grits, recently detailed on this holy netsite.

As details are still coming in, the facts of this doomed flight may change; however, as of now Dr. Carter’s theory remains one of the most likely causes of this unfortunate incident.

Loading...
Pray Against (1)
About Cathy Redmond 104 Articles
Cathy Redmond is a graduate of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, earning degrees in English and Political Science. She likes long walks in the desert, strong Conservative leadership and America.

46 Comments on ‘Mile High Club’ Masturbation Feat Goes Awry

  1. I'm sorry about whatever happened to you that turned you into an ignorant joykiller. Also, netsite is not a word.

    Pray For (0)
    Pray Against (0)
    • Get amazing deals on disjoint bad, True Blood trucker hat, mud flaps, and officially branded T-shirts. Ask directly for good deals.

      {sponsored by Stop Masturbation Now / BLUFF}

      Pray For (0)
      Pray Against (0)
  2. Please reply you ugly ignorant fat homosexual church going ugly roostermouthing truckers....ps. U trucker hounds talk to my sun like that again I will kill your family and burn down your church and be respectful.

    Pray For (0)
    Pray Against (0)
    • Act fast for special prices on new trucks, Dodge, caravans and motor bikes. Request E-mail to get ahead of the others in the series. Best Deals in the last fast!

      {sponsored by Stop Masturbation Now / BLUFF}

      Pray For (0)
      Pray Against (0)
    • Does your favorite team loses this Sunday? Get special deals on NFL stadium chairs on field jersey and parks. Act quickly, supplies are limited!

      {sponsored by Stop Masturbation Now / BLUFF}

      Pray For (0)
      Pray Against (0)
  3. GOD LOVES MASTURBATING. I'm not even Jesus's real dad. Me and God were eiffel towering Mary and he came all up in that pussy.

    Pray For (0)
    Pray Against (0)
    • Hey, big surfer! Please do not use unnecessary sexual content in your messages. We had to make several changes to the wishes of the parents according to your many posts under different names. Thank you. So are you satisfied with your television provider cable or satellite TV started? We offer several channels of great low price. Ask if you are interested in the network of cable internet and TV. Thank you, good day!

      {sponsored by Stop Masturbation Now / BLUFF}

      Pray For (1)
      Pray Against (0)
    • The bright surfer Hello! Please do not use unnecessary sexual content in your messages. We had to make several editions of the wishes of the parents on the basis of numerous publications with several different names. Thank you. As happy with your cable or satellite TV today? We can offer many channels at a very low cost. Please ask if you are interested in the Internet or cable television network. Thank you, good day!

      {sponsored by Stop Masturbation Now / BLUFF}

      Pray For (1)
      Pray Against (0)
  4. Korean Jesus I wack off to cathy redmond's picture a couple of times a day. Apparently I have a son as well from all of my reckless jerking. I'm still waiting to see Fluffle's breasts!

    Pray For (0)
    Pray Against (0)
    • Hello, intelligent surfer! Please do not use unnecessary sexual content in the news.I am a woman and I feel sad to see the words directed at other women.
      Thank you. So are you satisfied with your current cell phone plan? We can offer you a lot of downloading gigabytes of data at low cost. Please ask if you are interested in mobile phone service works well for Android and Apple phone. Thank you, good day!

      Pray For (0)
      Pray Against (0)
  5. I'd love to Korean Jesus. And we could get Truffle, who I've renamed Fluffle to be our fluffer. I also want to circle jerk with Carlos Danger, Milton Grits and Lonnie Childs. Are you up for it?

    Pray For (0)
    Pray Against (0)
  6. Yes please Korean Joseph. Read my other posts. I fantasize about circle jerking with all the boys and Fluffle can be our fluffer and Cathy Redmound can be our clean up bitch!

    Praise

    Pray For (0)
    Pray Against (0)

Pray here: