Officials speculate that an attempt to join a fictional ‘club’ of masturbatory achievement has led to a small plane crashing off the coast of Jamaica on Friday. Many details are still unknown, however it is now confirmed that the doomed flight left Rochester, New York this morning and became “unresponsive” about an hour and fifteen minutes later. Jamaican officials have confirmed the plane crashed 14 miles off the northeast coast of Port Antonio, Jamaica.
Keith Carter FaAeEng., an expert on faith aeronautical engineering at The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, said, “It seems likely this is a case of masturbation at high altitude gone wrong. Joining the so-called ‘Mile High Club’ is something many extreme tier masturbators aspire to. However, many are not prepared to the affects of masturbating in a confined space. Just as passengers are warned about DVT when flying long distances, the same risks apply to the reproductive organs. In a case such as today’s, more than likely the pilot was engaging in unsafe masturbation and either passed out due to the altitude or threw a clot in his reproductive organs. In either case, the plane would definitely become ‘unresponsive’ and we are just fortunate the aircraft came down safely in the ocean and no normals were injured.”
These types of aeronautical disasters do happen, as evidenced by the 1997 case of John Denver that our writer, Milton Grits, recently detailed on this holy netsite.
As details are still coming in, the facts of this doomed flight may change; however, as of now Dr. Carter’s theory remains one of the most likely causes of this unfortunate incident.
Masturbators are beyond reckless when it comes to their nasty little habit. How many more planes must crash before people wake up? Praying now.
hi lonnie
VALIDATE HER RIGHT IN THE CAT!!!
I’m sorry about whatever happened to you that turned you into an ignorant joykiller. Also, netsite is not a word.
Agreed, Sister Pat. The masturbators who troll this holy netsite sure do make things less enjoyable for the rest of us. I’m guessing they were molested as children.
Newsflash I’m only 15 you cheep donkey prostitute!
Newsflash Korean Jesus. If you are 15 and you masturbate, then you WERE molested as a child. By your own filthy self. Praying at you, and your poor Korean mother who was too busy drinking and working at a sweat shop to give you a proper upbringing.
I’m not even Korean you dumptruck!!!
Your name is Korean Jesus. You are Korean. And a liar.
I’m not Korean you big sexy hunk of man meat I’m Dutch!
Shut up Yanni!
You look Korean.
Please excuse yourself from our holy website mastubator. Don’t you have a Chihuahua to BBQ?
MMM… BBQ!
Netsite is what Brother Lonnie and His council refer to this Worldwide Web page as. If you were a believer and had read the King Lonald Holy Bible you would be aware of this.
I think you were molested As a child you ignorant bible trucker
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Please reply you ugly ignorant fat homosexual church going ugly roostermouthing truckers….ps. U trucker hounds talk to my sun like that again I will kill your family and burn down your church and be respectful.
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The re-editors of the comments Lonnie contracted out to in Singapore have their hands full today. So much objectionable language.
Shut up and show us your cunt bitch!!!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
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GOD LOVES MASTURBATING. I’m not even Jesus’s real dad. Me and God were eiffel towering Mary and he came all up in that pussy.
Hey, big surfer! Please do not use unnecessary sexual content in your messages. We had to make several changes to the wishes of the parents according to your many posts under different names. Thank you. So are you satisfied with your television provider cable or satellite TV started? We offer several channels of great low price. Ask if you are interested in the network of cable internet and TV. Thank you, good day!
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🙂
Good one korean joseph!
Just jacked off to your profile pic Cathy Redmond
The bright surfer Hello! Please do not use unnecessary sexual content in your messages. We had to make several editions of the wishes of the parents on the basis of numerous publications with several different names. Thank you. As happy with your cable or satellite TV today? We can offer many channels at a very low cost. Please ask if you are interested in the Internet or cable television network. Thank you, good day!
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I didn’t want to do this but I must you fuckers have only 24 hours left to live!!!
Korean Jesus I wack off to cathy redmond’s picture a couple of times a day. Apparently I have a son as well from all of my reckless jerking. I’m still waiting to see Fluffle’s breasts!
Hello, intelligent surfer! Please do not use unnecessary sexual content in the news.I am a woman and I feel sad to see the words directed at other women.
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Please.
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Show me a picture of your tits and twat then maybe I’ll believe that you are a woman!
And I’d love to see Cathy’s gorgeous red bush. Wacking off now!
Please, surfer, stop, please. Have a happy day! >;-) Nabilah77
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Shut up bitch
I’m moving up on the prayer leaderboard!!!
CONGRATS! YOU EARNED IT. I hope you can keep moving up so these butt fuckers die in a hole
I’m coming for you Cathy!!!
lets tag team her jimmy
I want in as well. It might as well be a Royal Rumble
I’d love to Korean Jesus. And we could get Truffle, who I’ve renamed Fluffle to be our fluffer. I also want to circle jerk with Carlos Danger, Milton Grits and Lonnie Childs. Are you up for it?
He’ll yeah I’ll bring the Vaseline!!!
Yes please Korean Joseph. Read my other posts. I fantasize about circle jerking with all the boys and Fluffle can be our fluffer and Cathy Redmound can be our clean up bitch!
Praise
You’re a repulsive personality, Jimmy. Why don’t you take your abusive attitude away and leave decent folk alone?