Sale on B.L.U.F.F. Blinders! Button her Down…

Get a pair now, at the B.L.U.F.F. Commissary Gift Shop

Men! Do you take a look around and wonder what kind of hell has gotten into women today? Does your spouse’s eyes frequently wander toward some damned afternoon-killing mall sale where she’s going to run into some jabber-mouthed friend to yak with for hours on end pretending to hide her insecurity stemming from shear unmitigated materialism and greed? Does your wife then speak with these same women on the phone or type signal sender device for God knows how many hours while you’re hard at work?

Soon she’s wearing tight silk replica material as her OUTER clothing!! I’m right in saying this leaves nothing to the imagination. In front of God and every person she comes in contact is the “no-doubt-what’s-going-on-down-here” shape of her panties and fish taco pressing against the fabric and she’s taking sinful delight in it. Is she now wearing a super support bra that lifts her sinbags up so high that they distract every person around her?!? Did you literally turn your head and your wife became Twiggy or one of them Madonna Ga Ga tramps?

Your SRAS knew, at one point, that a woman sits ladylike in a full length dress. She once knew that every B.L.U.F.F. Male is issued a navigational compass and telescope, giving her no damned need to point her nipples at the North Star.

You lost control, my dear B.L.U.F.F. Brothers in Lonnie and Christ, because she was not buttoned down at the time of her excitement with the environmental stimuli that ruined her.

Thankfully, there is a remedy.

Remember, a woman’s brain is scientifically 3/4 the size of a man’s. Like a feline, she catches every damned thing that’s out of place and that can trigger these sinful tendencies. Be her protector as you pledged when you took her on as your appointed spouse. Block that sinful stimuli with the B.L.U.F.F. Blockers, now on sale at the B.L.U.F.F. Gift Shop, located in your campus commissary sector.

Bring her in tomorrow for a fitting. Make an afternoon of it. Have her pack a good picnic and take her for a ride on a boat or some hairy animal (as some of them like to do.) Remember, you’re doing a blessed thing for her. She’ll love you more for it and won’t even realize both your souls are saved from burning hell because of it.

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About Cassidy Pen 80 Articles

Cornelius Bartholomew “Cassidy” Pen, a retired US Marine, Actor, and Security Head-Receiver at B.L.U.F.F. Female Intake, now writes for a number of nationally respected news agencies. A winner of the prestigious Bill O’Reily “No-Spin” Award, Cassidy also runs a daytime street ministry to save souls from the sin of self rape. An avid hunter and manufacturer of distilled spirits, Cassidy would probably be found deep in the woods during his free time.

Contact: Website

2 Comments on Sale on B.L.U.F.F. Blinders! Button her Down…

  1. You can’t be serious, like really who the fuck in their right mind would buy this????? This is sooo sexist. “Women’s brains smaller than men’s, but used more efficiently. A new study has revealed that while female brains are smaller than those of males, females use their brains more efficiently, achieving the same results.” so don’t think size matters. And please give me any biblical reference to this apart from the one with girls not being able to talk in church, which actually means they aren’t allowed to talk of unholy issues in the church soo… please post a relevant biblical reference that support your sexist point of view

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