Ebola Outbreak Decimates African Countries, Masturbation To Blame

Many Non-Normals Perishing By The Minute.


Ebola, feared disease who’s horrible symptoms include organ explosion and puss legions, and eventually, painful excruciating death, is now spreading rapidly across the countries of Guinea, Liberia and Sierra Leone, affecting hundreds of millions of non-normals and leaving a trail of death and suffering, all of which may be caused by self-rape.

The effects of Ebola Virus on a typical normal.
The effects of Ebola Virus on a typical normal.

The international not-for-profit Christian satellite, Faithstar 711,  completed a global survey of the Earth’s daily temperature, and found a one degree increase in the local average temperatures of these lesser countries over a two year period. Faithastronomers agree that this is indeed most likely caused by masturbation increases in the afflicted countries.

Even a total imbecile can see how bad this epidemic is in this space picture.
Even a total imbecile can see how bad this epidemic is in this space picture.

Lonnie Childs has sent word that all missionary activities be suspended in that region until,  ” They hose those places down. Like really good. With some Lysol. “.

The Sierra Leone Army has begun removing the hands of all captured masturbators, not just because it stops them from masturbating, but also because it is what they do.

It's just how they roll, silly non-normals...
It’s just how they roll, silly non-normals…

There is no predicting the outcome of this crisis, but rest assured, it is no where near the USA or UK, so most Normals will be unaffected.

We're gonna be just fine, because we're #1.
We’re gonna be just fine, because we’re #1.
About Thomas Kelly 62 Articles
Thomas Kelly, SMN Faithscience Editor, is the Dean of several B.L.U.F.F's, as well as the preeminent authority on Faithscience. In addition these lofty titles, he is also a powerful wizard, and holds over fifty non-secular PHDs.

16 Comments on Ebola Outbreak Decimates African Countries, Masturbation To Blame

  1. My hand and I have reached an agreement that it is ok to reach down and tug for a little bit and the result has been quite the calm non-violent relationship. I feel masturbation is the key to happiness amongst kids, adults, elderly, and the physically challenged, assuming you are not a quadriplegic. Please view my comment as the prime example of a healthy, ebola free, relationship between men and dicks.

    • I am praying at your salvation necromancer. That you and your sin stick will end your incestuous relationship!

      • Says the chick that has a picture up of a girl showing clevis. Really? I thoroughly enjoyed masturbation in my coming of age years. It prevented me from going out there and having sex with a man or woman (I’am bi-sexual, deal with it. God never told you to judge. Judging is highly against the bible, because that’s God’s job, not yours, you self centered, hypocritical freak)

        • Christina is kind of a jerk, always pulling out her clevis and waving it around at all of us women here that are not as well endowed as she is. We’re getting a little tired of it, Christina. We love but you don’t need to rub it in our faces; well, maybe in Nikita’s face. He’s into that sort of thing I think.


        • Please do not discuss my ample clevis on this holy netsite. I find your homoGay™ attraction to my body to be offensive. MY EYES ARE UP HERE!

  2. I’m happy to inform that Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts – BLUFF, has donated $1,327.40 USD to be spend on King Lonald Holy Bible shipment to teach the children of African countries suffering from Ebola about dangers of masturbation. Praise!

  3. Global warmimg- blame masturbation – hahahahahaha this site never fails to put a smile on my face with their nonsense, I mean, how stupid can this ppl really be? hillbillies LOL

  4. Praying at all of Africa so God will make them normal. I was a heathen masturbating non-normal for many years until I was washed normal by Brother Lonnie’s Holy Truth. Praise Brother Lonnie! Praise Jesus!

  5. Ok for a start masturbation isn’t rape….rape is taking sex without consent I’m pretty damn sure when u masturbate u give urself permission…..secondly anyone who believes any of the bullshit story’s on this site obviously had parents who where brother and sister and haven’t been educated cause they r retards..I mean seriously if wanking was destroying the world and climate change don’t u think the government would start taxing u for the pleasure

  6. Christina, your faith in God is something to be praised. I think that you deserve a pearl necklace for your commitment.

  7. “organ explosion and puss legions”? Really? I’ve handled the crank all my life and that’s never happened to me. Especially the puss legions part.

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