Ebola Outbreak Decimates African Countries, Masturbation To Blame

Many Non-Normals Perishing By The Minute.

DARKEST AFRICA- SMNNN

Ebola, feared disease who’s horrible symptoms include organ explosion and puss legions, and eventually, painful excruciating death, is now spreading rapidly across the countries of Guinea, Liberia and Sierra Leone, affecting hundreds of millions of non-normals and leaving a trail of death and suffering, all of which may be caused by self-rape.

The effects of Ebola Virus on a typical normal.

The effects of Ebola Virus on a typical normal.

The international not-for-profit Christian satellite, Faithstar 711,  completed a global survey of the Earth’s daily temperature, and found a one degree increase in the local average temperatures of these lesser countries over a two year period. Faithastronomers agree that this is indeed most likely caused by masturbation increases in the afflicted countries.

Even a total imbecile can see how bad this epidemic is in this space picture.

Even a total imbecile can see how bad this epidemic is in this space picture.

Lonnie Childs has sent word that all missionary activities be suspended in that region until,  ” They hose those places down. Like really good. With some Lysol. “.

The Sierra Leone Army has begun removing the hands of all captured masturbators, not just because it stops them from masturbating, but also because it is what they do.

It's just how they roll, silly non-normals...

It’s just how they roll, silly non-normals…

There is no predicting the outcome of this crisis, but rest assured, it is no where near the USA or UK, so most Normals will be unaffected.

We're gonna be just fine, because we're #1.

We’re gonna be just fine, because we’re #1.

Pray Against (0)
Thomas Kelly
About Thomas Kelly
Thomas Kelly, SMN Faithscience Editor, is the Dean of several B.L.U.F.F's, as well as the preeminent authority on Faithscience. In addition these lofty titles, he is also a powerful wizard, and holds over fifty non-secular PHDs.

16 Comments on Ebola Outbreak Decimates African Countries, Masturbation To Blame

  1. Neko Mancer // July 2, 2014 at 5:29 pm // Reply

    My hand and I have reached an agreement that it is ok to reach down and tug for a little bit and the result has been quite the calm non-violent relationship. I feel masturbation is the key to happiness amongst kids, adults, elderly, and the physically challenged, assuming you are not a quadriplegic. Please view my comment as the prime example of a healthy, ebola free, relationship between men and dicks.

    Pray For (0)
    Pray Against (0)
    • Christina Mcierncock Rubright Christina Mcierncock Rubright // July 2, 2014 at 6:02 pm // Reply

      I am praying at your salvation necromancer. That you and your sin stick will end your incestuous relationship!

      Pray For (0)
      Pray Against (0)
      • Says the chick that has a picture up of a girl showing clevis. Really? I thoroughly enjoyed masturbation in my coming of age years. It prevented me from going out there and having sex with a man or woman (I'am bi-sexual, deal with it. God never told you to judge. Judging is highly against the bible, because that's God's job, not yours, you self centered, hypocritical freak)

        Pray For (0)
        Pray Against (0)
        • Christina is kind of a jerk, always pulling out her clevis and waving it around at all of us women here that are not as well endowed as she is. We're getting a little tired of it, Christina. We love but you don't need to rub it in our faces; well, maybe in Nikita's face. He's into that sort of thing I think.

          Praise.

          Pray For (0)
          Pray Against (0)
        • Christina Mcierncock Rubright Christina Mcierncock Rubright // July 2, 2014 at 7:12 pm // Reply

          Please do not discuss my ample clevis on this holy netsite. I find your homoGay™ attraction to my body to be offensive. MY EYES ARE UP HERE!

          Pray For (0)
          Pray Against (0)
  2. Nikita Shalavin Nikita Shalavin // July 2, 2014 at 6:42 pm // Reply

    I'm happy to inform that Brother Lonnie's University of Faith Facts - BLUFF, has donated $1,327.40 USD to be spend on King Lonald Holy Bible shipment to teach the children of African countries suffering from Ebola about dangers of masturbation. Praise!

    Pray For (0)
    Pray Against (0)
  3. jared mitchell // July 2, 2014 at 7:51 pm // Reply

    Its sad that people think that disease like ebola is caused by masterbation.

    Pray For (0)
    Pray Against (0)
  4. This web is really stupid // July 2, 2014 at 8:20 pm // Reply

    Global warmimg- blame masturbation - hahahahahaha this site never fails to put a smile on my face with their nonsense, I mean, how stupid can this ppl really be? hillbillies LOL

    Pray For (0)
    Pray Against (0)
  5. God is Lurve // July 3, 2014 at 4:04 am // Reply

    Praying at all of Africa so God will make them normal. I was a heathen masturbating non-normal for many years until I was washed normal by Brother Lonnie's Holy Truth. Praise Brother Lonnie! Praise Jesus!

    Pray For (0)
    Pray Against (0)
  6. Ok for a start masturbation isn't rape....rape is taking sex without consent I'm pretty damn sure when u masturbate u give urself permission.....secondly anyone who believes any of the bullshit story's on this site obviously had parents who where brother and sister and haven't been educated cause they r retards..I mean seriously if wanking was destroying the world and climate change don't u think the government would start taxing u for the pleasure

    Pray For (0)
    Pray Against (0)
  7. Youra Retard // July 3, 2014 at 7:38 am // Reply

    Oh come one you guys...This is hilarious!

    Pray For (0)
    Pray Against (0)
  8. Charles darwin // July 3, 2014 at 10:40 am // Reply

    Your daily dose of religious ignorance!

    Pray For (0)
    Pray Against (0)
  9. Christina, your faith in God is something to be praised. I think that you deserve a pearl necklace for your commitment.

    Pray For (0)
    Pray Against (0)
  10. Julian Taylor // July 4, 2014 at 3:06 am // Reply

    We must lobby the black African countries to outlaw masturbation!

    Pray For (0)
    Pray Against (0)
  11. "organ explosion and puss legions"? Really? I've handled the crank all my life and that's never happened to me. Especially the puss legions part.

    Pray For (0)
    Pray Against (0)
  12. Sorry I am really confused right now. This is a parody site?

    Pray For (0)
    Pray Against (0)

1 Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. "Ebola Outbreak Decimates African Countrie...

Pray here: