A new procreation-themed learning park for Christian children will open Friday at Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts compound resort in Arizona. Childs Youth Procreation Adventure is designed specifically for children as young as 3 to learn about the dangers of masturbation and Homogayness.
“The Christian procreation park completely embodies the idea of creating an environment focused on fun and eroticism to teach the youngest of kids the thrill and joy of same race procreation,” said Jacob Franklin, BLUFF Youth Minister.
The park offers features celebrating Brother Lonnie’s vast history of fighting masturbation and other forms of sexual perversion. Open every weekend of summer, the park welcomes all local Christians of normal ethnicity. The boys can look forward to exquisite superior gender attractions such as the Brazilian Twerk Off, Dancers For Money Room, The Bear Hunt, Brother Nikita’s Homogay Safari and much more. The girls will take a tour of the Menstruation Hut, attend a lecture on Procreation Positions, visit the Cat Milking Factory and assist in preparing brunch hosted by our proud sponsor – White Castle. All kids will have an opportunity to have their picture taken with SMN ministries famed mascot Fappy the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin.
“We were very excited when Brother Lonnie approached us to build a themed Procreation Park,” said Roddy Black, public relations and marketing manager for Adventure Story Time. “We looked at several other theme parks in and outside of the U.S. and really wanted to create a unique atmosphere that reflects Brother Lonnie’s passion for promoting healthy sexual behavior in children. With all of the horrible perversions our kids are exposed to under Obama’s reign of terror, we thought the theme was a natural fit. I can’t wait for my daughters on opening day to have the chance to learn how to please their assigned same race husband while getting to know more about the teachings of our savior and modern day prophet.”
For tickets and directions to the park, please contact our staff @ https://www.facebook.com/brotherlonnie
-Nikita Shalavin, homogay conversion therapist and high deacon at Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.)