SECRET LOCATION- SOMEWHERE (SMNNN)
We at Stop Masturbation Now are pleased to present this interview with an actual high-ranking official of Big Masturbation. Our own Professor Doctor Wizard Cardinal Thomas Kelly interviewed this “person” about the goals of the B.M movement.
Thomas Kelly: Hello, welcome. Would you care to explain yourself and the actions of your hate-group?
Anonymous Official Masturbator: ….
T.K. : Um, excuse me, would you be so kind as to knock that off for a few minutes while we do this interview?
A.O.M. : Just a sec… almost there…
T.K. : I have important questions! Please sir, just stop until the interview is over.
A.O.M. :… (groaning)
T.K. : Really! Show some decorum! This is serious
A.O.M: I said just a…(grunts)sec…
T.K. : Well I never! You realize this is an affront to decency! And not to mention very disrespectful.
A.O.M : Shut the F*** up! I’m close!
The masturbator then ejaculated (on his own face, no less) and then fell asleep.
Sadly, he was immediately killed by the author of this article for the good of society at large.