Rain in Washington D.C. Thought To Be God’s Tears Following Landmark Decision To Allow Gay Marriage

SMNNN (WASHINGTON D.C.)

Weather.com reports rain and thunderstorms in the Washington D.C. today, following the landmark decision by the Supreme Court to recognize gay homosex marriage and queerosexual unions, and to disobey the Lord and his holy wishes, ultimately ushering in the Rapture, signifying the beginning of the end of the world as we know it.

The rain and thunder were said by local Lonvidians to be “a sure sign of (the rapture)” and “probably ( the tears of a weeping God, because we all have made him sad by disobeying him, and now we’re all probably gonna get the Hells)”. Lonvidians speculate the thunderstorms to follow the light rain will be holy manifestations of “Gods anger”.

B.L.U.F.F faithscientistians, and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow predict the acceptance and encouragement of gay marriages will quickly become mandatory, ushering in an even more frightening era of Bestiality.

Dr Skippy Enis, local noted Faithexpert has already recorded a 10,000% increase in masturbation since the shameful announcement from the Supreme Court doomed our entire country to burn forever in eternal agony. Said Dr Enis ” Woe is me! Woe is me! (unintelligible) (glass shattering noise). ” before throwing his office chair through the window and leaping to the ground, tearing off his lab coat, and running into the woods.

Lonnie Childs was not available for comment, as he is currently mourning this great shame in his 150 room subterranean blast-proof fortress., and is in deep meditation. But he did send a note out to the press:

” These are dark times. I know I’ve said it before, but this is… this is like go time. The monkey flies with the fox. The phone is for you. Please take my seat.”

Which, may or may not be a call for violent overthrow of the establishment and enactment of a Holy war upon these Satanic heathens and their heresy.

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Thomas Kelly
About Thomas Kelly 62 Articles
Thomas Kelly, SMN Faithscience Editor, is the Dean of several B.L.U.F.F's, as well as the preeminent authority on Faithscience. In addition these lofty titles, he is also a powerful wizard, and holds over fifty non-secular PHDs.

19 Comments on Rain in Washington D.C. Thought To Be God’s Tears Following Landmark Decision To Allow Gay Marriage

  1. Ok three things:
    1. I think Lonnie is retarded, those words made no sense in that order, wait I said
    "Think", I mean "know"

    2. I'm pretty sure that last part was a declaring of the Second American Civil War

    3. HAH! FUCK YES! YOU BASTARDS LOST! GAY MARRIAGE IS LEGAL!

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    • I'm also a guy, but unlike you i don't listen to crazy cult sites and understand that love between same sex couples is just as valid as any love.

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    • are you really fucking serious?... your going to start an uprising because of equal marriage?your starting to sound like the KKK

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  2. Oh no... Fapnet is becoming self aware... the T-1 homobots will destroy the world. Activating my prayer application now!

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  3. What I remember about the rise of the homogays is how quiet it was.... during the waning hours of the masturbrations, our unit of the King Lonald 301st leigion was discretely transferred to washington; it was a silent trip. We all knew what we were about to do and what was about to happen... Did we have any doubts? Any private sinful thoughts? Perhaps. But no one said a word.. not on the trip to Washington, not when the Supreme Courts decision was handed down, and not when we marched on the White house. Not a word.

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  4. Wait a second lonnie, let's tell the truth. You were mumbling something when i had my sin stick in your mouth. I couldn't quite make it out but it sounded like "slurp slurp, will you marry me jimmy, slurp slurp"? And then i unloaded what must have been a gallon of jism down your throat and you fell asleepon my lap and didn't wake up until we reached the blue oyster...and oh what a night we had there...assless chaps and cock, cock, cock...

    Praise

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  5. if homosexuality is bad then why can't i get aroused by guys

    also why are girls so hot

    and why is gay sex so awesome

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  6. Romans 1:32: Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.

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  7. "The monkey flies with the fox. The phone is for you."...this is some William Shakespeare level shit

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