The SMN Guide to Male Urination

Always urinate as if someone is watching

One of the biggest questions that we get here at STOP Masturbation NOW is, “How can I urinate without becoming a sinner?” Rest assured, good man!  There are a number of ways to urinate and still be in good-shape come time for the Rapture.

Before we get into the actual act of relieving one’s self, let us cover a couple basics first.

  1. If you are urinating in a public building, see if you can use the cripple’s-only restroom.  They tend to be cleaner, are void of prying-eyes from homosexuals who may want to look over the divider and, best of all, the cripples can’t use it.  This will force them to use the regular restroom, which in turn will make them feel more like a regular person, which has been the goal of all handicaps since their movement began.
  2. Upon entering the restroom (public or private) make sure to wash your hands first!  Remember that anything on your hands can be transmitted to your baby-maker.  By using hot water and quality anti-bacterial soap, you will rid your hands of any STD pathogens that you may have touched with your hands, leaving your private areas disease free.

Now that you are in the privacy of the handicap restroom or your own personal bathroom at home, it’s time to get to it.  The SMN approved method in this situation is to sit down while you pee.  This is the easiest, most hygienic and most fool-proof method of relieving yourself.  Why risk touching yourself to aim when gravity can do all the work for you?  The process is simple: walk up to the toilet, lift the lid, sit down and go!  When you are done, stand up and pull-up your pants.  So simple, even a masturbator could do it!

Other times you may be at a Christian Rock concert or picketing the funeral of a masturbator and there is no sit-down toilet available.  When sitting down is not an option, you will have to use the SMN-approved standing method.  In this instance you will have to touch your private parts in order to aim.  We recommend only touching the base of your organ, as it is the least sensitive and therefore least sinful.  After you are done urinating, make sure to shake-off the drips of excess urine.  Masturbators always do the “shake” as a back and forth motion and some even shake their pee-pee up and down.  This is wrong and can lead to an unwanted erection.  The correct way to perform “the shake” is to manipulate your member from side-to-side.  The Faithfact is that it is impossible to masturbate by using this motion.  When doing the side-shake in public, you may offend those next to you.  If they are offended, it is only because they are masturbators and don’t know any better.  If your neighbors’ constant bitching about your side-to-side shaking presents a problem, simply make your way back over to the sink where you washed your hands and continue the side-to-side shake there.

We hope you learned a something!  Remember: if you aren’t doing it the SMN way, you are doing it wrong!

About Liam McKey 44 Articles
Liam McKey is a former combat veteran and owner of the only Vegan-Certified ranch in the United States. He has two normal teenage children with his same-race wife. Liam is active in the community of Safford, Arizona where he lives. Mr. McKey is an expert on teenage masturbation addiction and has many degrees from various non-accredited faith-based colleges.
Contact: Website

9 Comments on The SMN Guide to Male Urination

  1. Dear SMN,
    According to this article… “The correct way to perform “the shake” is to manipulate your member from side-to-side.” Over breakfast this morning my wife and I got into an argument over how the side-to-side method works after we saw this story. She said it means the man is supposed to do a side-step motion first to the left, then to the right. I argued the side-to-side technique you mention only requires the man to firmly grip the base of his Johnson and to sling it to the left then the right without actually stepping with your feet. Like when I sit on her chest while I’ve pinned her to the floor, bed or whatever and dick slap her face. Which one of us is correct?

  2. What the hell is up with this website? Do you people have some agenda against masturbation? Name two reasons why masturbation is bad that have nothing to do with religion.

  3. what did i even just read? btw this is not what christianity teaches

  4. You are a disgrace to the human race and to God.God gave us hands to do what we choose with them.He gave us freedom of choice.You should pray against murder,rape and war not against masturbation you fucking imbeciles.

  5. Are you fucking retarded? Back and forth is the same as side to side. Are you trying to trick people into going to hell so you can have all the hot bitches in heaven?

  6. I tend to wiggle it around. But the idea of masturbating in public does not float my boat. I have had sex in public. I think my daughter was conceived in a Tim Hortons restroom stall. These people are screwed up. The only reason they created this website is because they have a sick addiction to masturbating. They just cannot keep they’re hands off the goods, but they overcame their addiction, so now they believe that nobody should be allowed to masturbate. It is no different than a washed up dry alcoholic. Nobody Else is allowed to drink because they can’t drink in keep it under control that’s how it always goes.

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