Top Five Cultures To Go Extinct From Masturbation

Top 5 List

HISTORY-SMNNN

Throughout the 8,400 years man and the entire world has existed, many nations rose from self-sin, and shamed creation, and rightfully so, became extinct.

Here is a list of the top five cultures of people to extinct from masturbation:

5) SOME CHINESERS

mongolian horde

China, largest nation in the Ornament, is not entirely backwards these days, and even produces a decent scooter, and many affordable Android Based Lonniepop(tm) faith-based tablets. But that probably wouldn’t have happened if the horseophiles of Mongolia had succeeded in self-raping, and regular raping, the entire land of China. Luckily, they all caught the Plagues and died. No doubt, this was certainly due to the disease and The Plagues causing activity of masturbation.

Freed from the tyranny of the Mongoloids, the slightly less tarded Chinesers would go on to purchase our waste materials to this day.

4) AZTECS

cannibals

The Aztecs were a foul Greater Mexican race of savage heathens who cut open their own phalluses to play basketball for the ‘Gods’ while spectators ate guacamole. They clearly must have masturbated themselves to extinction.

3) ATLANTIS

aquaman

The Atlantean people were probably perverts. It makes sense that they masturbated with fish, and procreated with them too, making Aquamans.

Naturally, God must have removed them from the Earth with a terrible flood. These things happen because of reasons people!

2) DWARVES

mini-me

Dwarves, the stocky and short people who live underground, and used to be known for their fine chain-mail goods, and sharp axes +5, have since degenerated into the common midget. Midgets, while slightly human, are all degenerate masturbators.

It is impossible to say with any certainty, but it does seem that midgets may represent a retrograde devolution into a lower lifeforms, rather than a true extinction.

But I digress. What was I on about?

1) ROMANS

egyptian

The once great nation of Rome, went extinct do to it’s wretched obsession with masturbation. All activity within Roman society involved masturbation, sodomy, group masturbation, homogay activity, and more often than not, gladiatorial death fights, or all of it simultaneously!

Such relentless perversity was not inexpensive, and required huge amounts of olive oil, the preferred oil for their disgusting activities. All of the Roman empire was bled dry by the production of olives and constant masturbation.

About Thomas Kelly 62 Articles
Thomas Kelly, SMN Faithscience Editor, is the Dean of several B.L.U.F.F's, as well as the preeminent authority on Faithscience. In addition these lofty titles, he is also a powerful wizard, and holds over fifty non-secular PHDs.

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