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17 Year Old Girl Struck by Lightning While Masturbating

Unrelated Photo?

Unrelated Photo?

(Stop Masturbation Now)— There is nothing more disgusting than the thought of a teenage girl touching herself. Well… nature agrees too. Jennifer Connery of Hoagland Nebraska was struck by lightning this past Tuesday while masturbating outside behind a tree. “We don’t let our kids masturbate in the home for this very reason so I guess she had to sneak out side” embarrassed father Winston Connery was quoted as saying when contacted.

According to medical experts the moisture between her genitals and her fingertips served as a conductor and caused a lot of damage to nerve endings there is a good chance she will not regain feeling in either. “She is lucky to have only been using two fingers at the time, it could have been much worse” Carol Rogers, pediatric nurse responded. “Right now I think she is just embarrassed that she had to learn a lesson the hard way”

Masturbation is a most deadly sin and children need to be protected from the temptation.

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Bono Reznor
Bono Reznor
6 years ago

I sort of feel bad for Winston, but this happened on his watch so he should have been more diligent with this fathering techniques.

Jesus_of_Nazareth
Jesus_of_Nazareth
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

Dude, My dad left me on a cross for a week. Cut this guy some slack.

Ally allaway
Ally allaway
6 years ago

Are you cunts for real!!!!? If god existed ppl like you wouldn’t be breathing now!

Danny
Danny
6 years ago
Reply to  Ally allaway

It’s something every one dose in life perfectly normal
How could you be embarrassed is she got struck by lightning you would be in pain that your child is hurt if god existed then why war rape murder steeling bullying hate to different races and the rest

ben
ben
6 years ago
Reply to  Danny

Bro, you really need to look at something called a theodicy. Its practically a philosophy explaining why things happened and in a logical way. Check it out on wikipedia or some other site, some theodicies will answer why all that stuff happens 🙂

Mike
Mike
6 years ago
Reply to  Danny

Is this site a joke? I mean REALLY? Just the “pray for”/”pay against” is so fucked up to begin with! This is the problem with you “RELIGIOUS” assholes! Y’all are some judgemental fucks!

Timbo
Timbo
1 month ago
Reply to  Mike

yes, its clever satire that many can’t fathom

ben
ben
6 years ago
Reply to  Danny

Why would i get pray against for using theodices as an idea, do half you twats even know what a theodicy is?

Tyler McCoy
6 years ago
Reply to  Danny

Honestly this site is fucking retarded. Masturbation is completely natural. It’s completely okay to be curious about sexual pleasure. It helps relieve stress. It is not dangerous to do so. This girl just got unlucky if this really happened. Yes you consider Lust a sin, but masturbation is not a sin. Lust is, in my mind and layman’s terms, prostitution or whoring.

And the Pray for/against makes no fucking sense to me. Both sound like an insult to me as if I have something wrong with me.

Nick
Nick
6 years ago
Reply to  Danny

Religious assholes? lol ok just because some ignorant chump made this page up and happened to bring god into it you have to bring god into it yourself and categorize religious people as judgmental and assholes when if you actually took some time and knew anything about religion then you would realize how idiotic what your saying is. this page is a joke and a poor one at that. but you have the freedom of your own religion or lack of religion but dont put mine down and even if you do it wont shake my faith

Nick
Nick
6 years ago
Reply to  Danny

I assumed this site was a satyr/joke site like The Onion or “This is That”…I *am correct, aren’t I? This is hilarious. Keep up the stories! I am laughing out loud. The comments are quite amusing as well, especially the ones who think there are people that would actually believe this to be true.

junglist
junglist
6 years ago
Reply to  Danny

another thing danny needs to look at would probably have to be maybe a dictionary .

theself proclaimed prophet
Reply to  Danny

You want to know why there is war rape and murder because god gave us FREE WILL good and bad and his book and laws kept us on the path
of righteousness and good because we put murders rapists kidnappers to death but then you anti god liberals took god away took him out of school out of your house out of our courts and you dont follow the commandments so sin runs free in the world and will only stop when
we return to god and put sinners to death.

Big Jon
Big Jon
6 years ago
Reply to  Ally allaway

i know, Oh My Fictional God!! i thought this was a freakin onion story, i thought; this can’t be real its gotta b bullshit, but apparently there is a movement against the safest way for a single person to have an orgasm!!

Me
Me
6 years ago
Reply to  Big Jon

lol first time i prayed for anything

Chris
1 month ago
Reply to  Big Jon

Same i thought its a meme lmao.

aaron east
aaron east
6 years ago
Reply to  Ally allaway

If there is a god, it’d have to be a woman. Only a woman has God’s sick sense of humor.

Jesus
6 years ago
Reply to  Ally allaway

“Nothing’s more discusting than a teenage girl touching herself” that makes me horny

Jimmy
Jimmy
4 years ago
Reply to  Jesus

hi jesus wyd

Frances
Frances
6 years ago

To every one who thinks its not natural to masturbate its is natural so get over it k

Carlos Danger
6 years ago
Reply to  Frances

Murder is natural too yet we refrain. Same as self-rape. Praise!

Gary Johnson
Gary Johnson
6 years ago
Reply to  Carlos Danger

Self rape is probably the best thing I have ver heard 😀 I can imagine: ‘Hand what are you doing?…Hand? Stop…What part of NO you dont understand?…HAAAND NOOOO…no, no no, nooooooooo…YOU’RE MONSTER!!!’

no meat to beat :(
5 months ago
Reply to  Gary Johnson

we stan

Ash
Ash
6 years ago
Reply to  Carlos Danger

Let’s be honest, the only rape going on was the lighting wanted to hit that and oh did it hit her good and hard, yes it did. God was like, “here… let me help you out with that.” — And one thing, I can’t believe as a Christian you could say murder is natural. What’s natural is our God given right for freedom of choice, which is in your bible, get the app version it really helps you catch up on your missed reading. Jesus I’m sure jacked off behind a tree many a time, I mean he was a… Read more »

me
me
6 years ago
Reply to  Carlos Danger

Bahahahaha TOUCH YOUR WET PUSSY, STROKE YOUR HARD COCK. Masterbation is normal you fuckwits. Would you rather they go sleeping around instead?? Bloody hell didn’t Jesus die on the cross so everyone could live?? So do some living and have the best orgasm of your life withyourself hhaha

ashley
ashley
6 years ago
Reply to  Carlos Danger

I’m masturbating right now. No Shame!

Drunken Viking
6 years ago
Reply to  Carlos Danger

….How can someone rape themselves? You’re an idiot.

dexterbattygarteniii
6 years ago
Reply to  Carlos Danger

Do your genitals consent to the abuse you are putting them through?
think about it.
Or are you having non consensual sex with a member of your own self same gender?
we encapsulate this concept in the term “to self rape”. so it sounds more punchy. and because that’s what it is. praise.

jim2000
jim2000
6 years ago
Reply to  Carlos Danger

LOL self rape, are you serious? please tell me you aren’t. i am a serial self rapist then holy crap.

Mr. Richter
Mr. Richter
6 years ago
Reply to  Carlos Danger

You use that word, rape, but I don’t think you know what it is.

You sound like a moron. Self rape…LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Maybe someone should pray for you to be less of a fucking moron, but then you’d stop being so stupidly hilarious.

Scout
Scout
6 years ago
Reply to  Carlos Danger

A) What the actual fuck is wrong with you?
B) So wait, then wouldn’t sex even AFTER marriage be considered rape? Because by your loose definition, your “genitals can’t consent,” and I’ve never heard my vagina say “WOO YEAH LET’S GO!” before sex.
C) Murder is not natural, however, masturbation is. All of those animals that you believe that God just placed on the earth masturbate.

Alan
Alan
6 years ago
Reply to  Carlos Danger

Honestly, how do you rape yourself? or rape your genitals? seriously they are a part of you. Its not like you’re doing any harm to anyone or anything. I mean maybe you might get a burn if you dont use any lube but thats about all the harm you’ll get from it or if you’re a female and you use a tool that can give you burns there. Yes, I’m a christian and I’m not against it. Explain the harm in it and how its a sin. I see how adultry is and I can also see how avoiding it… Read more »

Dexter Battygarten iii
Reply to  Carlos Danger

This aspect of FaithScience does seem confusing to many at first so allow me to explain: “Lo, thy body is a temple and a sanctuary and must forever remain to itself inviolate” – Ludacris 4-7 the body is innocent like the temple and wishes to remain unsullied. however the body (temple) needs a mind (preist) to control it and of course the mind is naturally evil. the body gives no consent to its own violation and would not never violate itself without a mind; corpses rarely masturbate. yet both are said to be “you”.(!?!) So, according to scripture, when the… Read more »

Julian Kenning
6 years ago
Reply to  Carlos Danger

Hm… Echo and the Bunnymen… hm… I smell satire…

aaron east
aaron east
6 years ago
Reply to  Carlos Danger

I’m the best fuck I’ve ever had.

some guy...
some guy...
6 years ago
Reply to  Carlos Danger

Carlos danger what kind of name is that??? one are you some kind of stupid?? self=-rape?? murder is not the same masturbating…. o and your photo you look like fag…. stupid fucker…

Bill
Bill
4 years ago
Reply to  Carlos Danger

Murder is natural you have to be kidding me I’m going to masturbate right now because that’s natural not murder wth

Deon Adar
6 years ago
Reply to  Frances

Murder is also natural, but do we do that? Good Day Mrs Frances, such horrid thoughts you have, you must be a filthy woman!

brokenglow
6 years ago
Reply to  Deon Adar

Under what warped worldview is murder considered “natural?” By the way, having a “pray against” button is horrifying as a believing man. Shame

Dexter Battygarten iii
Dexter Battygarten iii
6 years ago
Reply to  Deon Adar

The world is full of murder ma’am, and animals do it constantly so it must be natural. This is according to the logic of you masturhaters.
please stop living in a dreamworld and come to Jesus (via Lonnie Childs).

Joe Hemsworth Psy.M
Joe Hemsworth Psy.M
4 months ago

No… Animals masturbate that’s well known by experts now. Animals don’t murder, they hunt and eat the food

WOW
WOW
6 years ago
Reply to  Deon Adar

If you think your body parts are self aware then you have some major issues.

bananington
6 years ago
Reply to  Frances

I’m more amused by the fact that the moisture generated by masturbation was conductive enough to divert the lightning away from the tree that it should of struck seeing as it was closer to the bolt. Also, how did the girl only sustain nerve damage from a voltage of round 30k and amp’s of round 200? That shit’s fucking lethal.

God
God
4 years ago
Reply to  Frances

You’re going to hell for touching yourself. Repent, sinner!

Ryan Lannen
6 years ago

So Jesus of Nazareth do you ever masterbate with your hand holes?

Brian Gilmore
Brian Gilmore
6 years ago
Reply to  Ryan Lannen

^ bahahahahahahaha! That is awesome.

brian murphy
6 years ago
Reply to  Brian Gilmore

Why can’t Jesus eat M&Ms? ‘Cause they fall through the holes in his hands

King David
King David
6 years ago

Man you guys are a bunch of weird cunts believing in your fake prophet. Its lovely to fuck a nice pussy and enjoy watching her cum. Its nice to watch a girl masturbating. All you loser cunts deserve to die. You are the only abomination here.

King David
King David
6 years ago

Placing a child in a restraint is just child abuse, your dad should be locked up for being a child abuser. Not that bible bashers seem to mind them.

Emma
Emma
6 years ago
Reply to  King David

I totally agree with your response, I’m a woman an on the flip side I agree it’s amazing to be fucked an have your man watch you come or play with your self. can’t believe some of the shit some of these people are spouting!!

joe bloggs
6 years ago
Reply to  Emma

Why is it that people are so content to lump every Christian in the world into the category of “Bible Basher” (which historically was actually a term used to describe atheists who read scripture out of context)? I struggle to believe anything on this site is real, and that it is here to incite hatred towards Christian stereotypes.

I think people take this website far too seriously as it seems to be nothing more than poorly-conceived satire.

dexterbattygarteniii
6 years ago
Reply to  Emma

Oh another “satire” troll.
Dont doubt the truth and veracity of the coming of Lonnie Childs, Sir.
You know next time someone asks me if this holiest website is real or not, I swear, im going to pray them to death.
peace be with you 😀

Tom fiddler
Tom fiddler
6 years ago

ALL HAIL THE GREAT LORD SATAN

Jack meoff
Jack meoff
6 years ago

This is some bible pushing propaganda. Not worth anyone’s time.

Ashley
Ashley
6 years ago

You guys…that cross…omg that could totally be used for kinking sex! 😀

NOT FOR KIDS THOUGH. 😐

Joe Hemsworth Psy.M
Joe Hemsworth Psy.M
4 months ago
Reply to  Ashley

Ha ha I’m fucking crying with laughter. Does the cross come in different colours?!

jim2000
jim2000
6 years ago

LOL thank you for making me laugh so hard

hbmbc
6 years ago

wow you people are incredibly stupid.. so let me get this straight. someone doing what comes natural because of sexual urges that are perfectly normal to relieve tension and create pleasure. she wasnt out having sex with a random stranger. so what does it matter if she does masturbate.. thats why christianity is nothing more than another belief system that isnt true. like islam, hinduism, judaism etc…

God
God
6 years ago

So I got blackout drunk for a few days that one time. Shit happens. It’s been over 2,000 years since it happened, Jesus. Let it go already.

God
God
6 years ago

So I got blackout drunk for a few days that one time. Shit happens. It’s been over 2,000 years since it happened, Jesus. Let it go already.

I'm gur
I'm gur
6 years ago

HI IMGUR

truth_be told,
truth_be told,
6 years ago

What the he’ll is wrong with you Jesus Christ sacrificed his life for are sins and your going to make fun of him that’s totally messed up……..Romans 5:8 in that good demonstrates hiss love toward us Christ died for us…..respect that and also don’t think I’m some person trying to get you to believe in god our anything but if you do great but what I’m trying to say is if you don’t believe in him then don’t say anything bad that will affect then

Dan
Dan
6 years ago

There is no Hoagland, Nebraska. This story is absolutely absurd! So stupid you people believe this

Samael
5 years ago

So how does it feel to whistle while you walk

Star
Star
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

zzzzzzz, when hit by lightning won’t the girl just die? what the hell?

Hämmentynyt
Hämmentynyt
6 years ago
Reply to  Star

People do not automatically die when struck by lightning. Sheesh

euroldclassic
euroldclassic
6 years ago
Reply to  Hämmentynyt

Back inthe ’60’s my brother was a lifeguard at Rockaway Beach in NYC, Anyway this girl was wearing a cross on a necklace and got struck by lighting… it branded her: a circle around her neck and a cross on her chest… scared for life and yes she did live after being struck by lightniing

Mister masturbator
Mister masturbator
6 years ago
Reply to  Star

Um…..no?

Lucifer Satan
6 years ago
Reply to  Star

I didn’t want her that’s why. Yet.

GodsRightHandWhenHesNotMasturbating
GodsRightHandWhenHesNotMasturbating
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

Did the electirc shock at least finish her off properly? I mean god wouldnt have let her not finsh as that would have been a worse punishment… letting her get so far and then not climaxing… Not cool from your Jebus or god or whatever lol

Ally allaway
Ally allaway
6 years ago

No you retard 1000’s have survived a strike

stepane7399Stephanie
6 years ago

Lol. Is this a joke, Ally? I sure hope you are not that retarded.

stepane7399Stephanie
6 years ago

I take it back Ally. I see you are for masturbation. Lol. I think the other poster is saying that it would be cruel if the lightning strike didn’t get the girl off.

Lucifer Satan
6 years ago

I’ll let her finish when she turns 18, even I have limits.

Ally allaway
Ally allaway
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

Shut up shit brick ppl like you make me sick I bet you yank on you tiny cock over the thought of this girl fucking herself you fucktard

Hoping
Hoping
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

I hope she got that exploding orgasm she was reaching for lol

Megan
Megan
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

I’m going to go watch some lesbian porn and touch myself to it because everyone masturbates even if you admit or not you stupid people

derik
derik
6 years ago
Reply to  Megan

lol

Darren Williams
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

I can not believe what I’m reading. Are you seriously telling me god struck her down for something classed as a very natural part of life both male and female. What must this poor girl be going through. First feeling the need to go outside to do this, then being struck by lightening. And finally blamed for the entire experience because you absolute Neanderthals haven’t moved out of the dark ages. And before I’m condemned I visit my church every Sunday I am a proud farther and love my children. None of them once of age will ever feel the… Read more »

the mostly reverend grandpa kim
the mostly reverend grandpa kim
6 years ago

dudes and dudettes:
this website is a joke website, like the onion.
please do not worry.
the “pray for” and “pray against” is a very clever way of saying “like” or “dislike.”

jeesh…

Boris Becker
Boris Becker
6 years ago

Not that clever.

Master's Degree
Master's Degree
6 years ago

She was masturbating herself with an onion?? No wonder god struck her with lightning. She was making him cry. 😉

SilverTongue
SilverTongue
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

All she had to do was stay indoors and CALL Me… I would have loved to have helped her!!

brandy
brandy
6 years ago
Reply to  SilverTongue

Thank you for putting my thoughts to words!

Fanny farmer
Fanny farmer
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

is this site real? Like is this a joke lol I find it hard to believe this is real

Randy B'Stard
Randy B'Stard
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

Religion is for people who do not understand science.

Dexter Battygarten iii
Reply to  Randy B'Stard

sLIEence is for people who dont understand religion and cant stop masturbating long enough to learn.
pow.
game over.

Nick
Nick
6 years ago

You do realize it’s “Science” not “Slieence” << They don't even sound similar.

If you want to play it that way then lets change "Religion" into "ReLIEgion"
At least that sounds closer to the original word

Dexter Battygarten iii
Reply to  Nick

ReLIEgion? oh come on. you just made that up didn’t you?

Kju
Kju
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

masturbation is good for the soul – especially when done during gang bangs….in the choir room….etc,etc….

Cheryl
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

I think this girls father is a sick and disgusting man! I think his daughter is beautiful and he wanted to exploit her so he could see all the men out there talking about the things they would like to do to her! I think this is child Abuse! What better way to mess up your kid for life then to air your families dirty laundry all over the internet! If I was this girl I would file charges and move out! Hell, I have 5 kids she is more than welcome to live with us! Poor sweet girl!! Shame… Read more »

aaron east
aaron east
6 years ago
Reply to  Cheryl

Betcha she does it again, but maybe out behind the chicken coop. With one of em electric eggs’

ThatGuy
ThatGuy
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

If that is her picture under the lighting strike she a cutie. When she turns 18 come find me and I’ll give her a hand.

Rob
Rob
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

If you guys think this site is real then you’re all getting trolled.

rufus
rufus
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

Hope i dont get struck by lightning when im thinking about this in 5 min 😉

Joni Wagner
6 years ago
Reply to  rufus

TRick TRolled even…

Lesleigh
Lesleigh
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

so, a woman is expected to wait till marriage to have sex and masturbation is disgusting ? what the HELL is a girl supposed to do ? we’re all grown here, masturbating is healthy . don’t be childish about these kinds of things . don’t act like you never do so ..

John
John
6 years ago
Reply to  Lesleigh

I would like to point out that both male and females are expected to wait until marriage and not masturbate.

Nemesis Divina
Nemesis Divina
6 years ago
Reply to  John

Expected by whom? The traffic light? There’s plenty of very orthodox religious girls around where I live and most, if not all, are very skilled in manual and oral sex before they are married. Gift from God? Mwuhahaha

tubby
tubby
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

test

Hithere123
Hithere123
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

This story is fake. I live there and no such thing happened.

Ser Davos Seaworth
Ser Davos Seaworth
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

Bono Reznor looks like Stannis Baratheon from Game of Thrones. Praise to the one true king of Westoros!

FUCKYOURMOM
FUCKYOURMOM
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

Funny how you guys think this is an actual website for stopping masturbation, lol like really! 8========D ~ ~~

citizen kane
citizen kane
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

wow their has to be alot more lighting in this world. I am sure that this is a fake story noone can really be this hard core. would you guys rather she had sex?

dexterbattygarteniii
6 years ago
Reply to  citizen kane

yes

John
John
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

I masturbate at least once daily. It is natural for human body to do so and science has linked many positives to daily or near daily self gratification. I am happy to see that the young lady took it upon herself to make herself feel good. While sad to hear about her accident, it could have been avoided completely if the parents were more understanding and not close minded. I hope that she recovers feeling in all effected areas, and would also hope that she doesn’t give into the less that her parents are surely to now tell her. This… Read more »

Tamara
Tamara
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

Um no masturbation isn’t a sin it’s experiencing and learning your body o.o sheesh………..

ben dover
ben dover
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

Thank you for posting that picture of her it helped me during my masturbation session!!!

Person
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

I hope all you catholics know, i masterbated while reading this just purely for amusement. Catholick my balls

Joe Hemsworth Psy.M
Joe Hemsworth Psy.M
4 months ago
Reply to  Person

Actually although I’m not Catholic, I’m going to say that these people aren’t catholics. More literalists. The Catholic church doesn’t take the Bible literally. I had Catholic parents so I can see the religious viewpoint

Lonnie Childs
Admin
4 months ago

Catholics are Mary-worshiping heathens. The Pope’s People are curiously SILENT on the topic of masturbation aka self-rape. I will pray at them though it’s probably too late.

Touching Myself For Kicks
Touching Myself For Kicks
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

The thought of a woman touching herself is wrong? Jesus it really gets me going when I pick a woman up at a club and she does that in front of me at home! 😀

Dutch Rudder
Dutch Rudder
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

Shouldn’t we “sin” as much as possible? If Jesus died for our sins it would be a waste if we didn’t sin every possible moment.

Snake
Snake
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

Why are Christians so hung up on anything sexual? Better she masturbate than have unprotected sex and get an STD or pregnant.

Fuck you
Fuck you
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

“There is nothing more disgusting about a girl touching herself”… Go fuck yourself. Lol all of you… Seriously.

Fo ReeL?!?!!!!!1one
Fo ReeL?!?!!!!!1one
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

I honestly can’t even tell if this website is for real or not. Are you people absolutely insane? How is the thought of someone masturbating disgusting? I just don’t get it…

You know what is way more disgusting than that? A tribe of desert people using a make believe god as an excuse to rape and kill thousands of other human beings, and then that same god being used to promote bullshit like this thousands of years later.

I can’t believe people this stupid are still living.

Mitch kush
Mitch kush
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

You Tellin me not too jerk it kinda makes me wanna use my idle hand if you know What’m saying 😉 I’m just sayin!.. im probly gonna jerk it so hard to this story tonight Xp fuck might even put a finger in my butt and scream the lords name in vain. Idk sometimes I Getz freaky like that Xp but this religiously biased story is fucking ridiculous. Sorry you got touched by the hand of god girl. Dont hate me, bible thumpers! Pray for my rotting soul

FUCKU
FUCKU
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

This isnt even a real town……..!!

Tonya Adams
Tonya Adams
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

How the hell can anyone say something like this. That poor girl is just being a human being. Anyone who says this is disgusting and has never done that themselves is a lie. Obviously all people want to do is judge. I more disgusted with people’s reactions and comments than anything else.

Joseph of Arimathea
Joseph of Arimathea
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

I guess if you have sex outside of marriage, you really will die!

samsoniteson12
samsoniteson12
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

spegehetti

Nick
Nick
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

I assure every single one of you retards that masturbation is not wrong and I myself don’t believe that the bible is all lies and that everything you learn at your brain washing cults(church) is completely false I do believe in a god but not the one you people have begun to believe in and explain to me the masturbating thing did Fucking Jesus stare at his dick and decide no one shall pleasure themselves? It doesn’t make any sense and you could tell me the story of Adam and Eve and all that bullshit but at the end of… Read more »

Jonas
Jonas
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

“There is nothing more disgusting than the thought of a teenage girl touching herself. Well… nature agrees too. ”
I totally disagree, actually I think it’s arousing(I’m teenager myself).
To think of a girl laying down, moving her hands over her belly…. Touching the edge of her panties, slowly moving her fingertips in her panties. Look at her while she undresses herself and spreading her legs before entering her v*gina, while moaning.
See, that is just sexy!

But well, i think i’ll just open up for some porn then, and masturbate to that for a while.

Go fuck yourself
Go fuck yourself
6 years ago
Reply to  Jonas

You know what is sad… The fact that she had to masturbate and she didn’t have someone like me to help her along, LMAO.She looks hot from her picture.

Matty boy!!!
Matty boy!!!
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

I jerk it daily, where’s my bolt of lightning???!!! God must like watching me jerk it!

Odin
Odin
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

Sure what the fuck ever .. There is no god .. So fuck your religion with a big rubber dildo . Bunch of sheep following a book rewritten by a king …

Cause if there was a god why the fuck would he allow catholic priests to rape little boys ??? Religion the biggest joke on the planet

barry
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

If we add any more bacon to our diet , the country will be Heart failure hell.

Go fuck yourself
Go fuck yourself
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

If masturbation is a sin explain how animals in the wild (god’s creations) do it. Now shut the fuck up so I can go beat off.

Paul Rosales
Paul Rosales
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

I cannot believe how idiotic this website is. I came here thinking it was a gag. I knew I was right about stupidity being everywhere.

Christ
Christ
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

Guess what? God also doesn’t like for people to lie, especially when it has to do with people dying. Complete fabrication. But then again if you are stupid enough to be a Christian after all of the bloodshed and corruption, you’re stupid enough to believe this story.

Jesus The Pimp
Jesus The Pimp
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

masturbates to this

ROBERT
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

god gave you the gift of touch and feel,god gave you the gift of orgasm why would he give you such wonderful gifts for man to turn around and say its bad if there gifts to use why the hell do men think they know it all without actually being able to talk to god himself YEAH THINK TO YOURSELVES HOW STUPID PEOPLE REALLY ARE!!!

humpty dumpty
humpty dumpty
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

I just came masturbating to this story … sounds hot to me.

ICan'tBelieveThisFuckingExists
ICan'tBelieveThisFuckingExists
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

Christians believe in forgiveness, and not in shaming others, and turning the other cheek. This has to be the epitome of hypocritical modern Christianity.

GraceAnna
GraceAnna
5 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

“There is nothing more disgusting than the thought of a teenage girl touching herself.”

Ah yes, it is so disgusting that I can just see hoards of teenage boys ‘hanging out’ in this girl’s backyard just hoping to catch a glimpse of her masturbating.

jeff
jeff
5 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

‘Bono Reznor’ whelp another one added to my list to be damned to hell and rot in the inferno

Lonnie Childs
Admin
6 years ago

Sadly, this is a tale that is told far too often these days. Is it petty to blame Obama?

The chronic masturbator
The chronic masturbator
6 years ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

Are you fucking retarded? Like seriously, what fucked up backward ass state are you from? First of all you look like a child molester anyway,i didn’t know stupid of this magnitude existed.

Milton Grits
6 years ago

Your poor choice of language, far-fetched accusations and gross incivility are signs of a poor upbringing. We are praying at you now.

ridiculous
ridiculous
6 years ago
Reply to  Milton Grits

You poor poor man, from your mannerisms and beliefs I think you had a really sheltered up bringing. who in this day an age believes rubbing one off will result in being smited. The best thing for you is to find a time machine and send yourself back to the medieval ages because it’s clear you haven’t really adapted to the modern times. Rather scar mongering little kids, you should touch up…… aw wait brush up on some sex ed. There’s a video of a monkey jacking himself off with a frog, so in your mind he should get smited…….so… Read more »

Sydney Carten
Sydney Carten
6 years ago
Reply to  ridiculous

Chill out dude – it’s satire

Hereticalperson
Hereticalperson
6 years ago
Reply to  ridiculous

you would think if “god” had a problem with it he would have a bigger problem with sex out of wedlock….I have Never been hit by lightning during sex, either inside or outside

TheDude
TheDude
6 years ago
Reply to  ridiculous

*upbringing *smitten *smitten *takes this shit for real
*trollface*

TheDude
TheDude
6 years ago
Reply to  Milton Grits

*for *trollface*

laughing in your face.
laughing in your face.
6 years ago
Reply to  Milton Grits

No one likes you, you are so full of shit you believe you have to spread it to everyone you talk too. I bet u have an extremely tiny penis and probably have no friends. You look like a sad and lonely person. O and no need to pray for me, I believe in science, so ur imaginary prayers won’t work. O and one more thing, masturbation is normal!!! Get the fuck over yourself!!

Milton Grits
6 years ago

Choose your words carefully. Praying hands can stop a beating heart.

joe douglas brennan (@joedouglasbrenn)

A fucking men lol P.s. There is not God you delusional religious hypocrites.. When you die its goes dark, end of story 😉

lordslip
6 years ago

That’s boring as hell though.

hhh
hhh
4 months ago
Reply to  lordslip

Reallity is not what u want, it is what it is, u have to deal with it, It doesn’t matter if you like it or not. that’s how things are and u can’t change it

Daylee Wackenoff
Daylee Wackenoff
6 years ago

I suggest you read Swift’s “A Modest Proposal”….

Lee
Lee
6 years ago

Who is god ???

anti-masturbation cross is a thing that exists
anti-masturbation cross is a thing that exists
6 years ago

It’s 2 AM and I’m browsing this site trying to figure out if it’s a big joke or not.

How in did I even get here.

What am I doing with my life?

Really though. What in 7 hells and I doing here.

John Colt
John Colt
6 years ago

Masturbation is no joke.

Gizanthepuss
Gizanthepuss
6 years ago
Reply to  John Colt

**Clears throat**
Dear Lord…
***Fapfapfap**

able
able
6 years ago
Reply to  John Colt

unless its done by a clown..

Jesus_of_Nazareth
Jesus_of_Nazareth
6 years ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

Obama is a good friend of mine, if you blame him we are going to have a problem. You don’t want that, do you?

nic
nic
6 years ago

Obama is your friend? Im sorry for you.

Lucifer Satan
6 years ago

Not even Hell wants you sir, I hope you understand this.

stephanie
stephanie
6 years ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

For what? he had nothing to do with it unless she was thinking about him…..

GODALMIGHTY
GODALMIGHTY
6 years ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

Troll on

VivaLaRevolucion!
6 years ago

You guys are sick and insane! i hope lighting hits you and takes Israel with it!
If god really thinks like you, and is not a fairytale i spit on his face!

Milton Grits
6 years ago

It is no small wonder that the masterrorbationists are in cahoots with the anti-Semite crowd. #handsofftheholyland

Kaiser Versager
Kaiser Versager
6 years ago
Reply to  Milton Grits

Its a sin to call another person insulting names.

munia
6 years ago

you know that me ….an Israeli….fucked you’re mama so hard that she become a jew!
בן של זונה!

anti-masturbation cross is a thing that exists
anti-masturbation cross is a thing that exists
6 years ago
Reply to  munia

sick burn bro

0300166aa
6 years ago

Death to Israel
umadbro

coderzpreblog
coderzpreblog
6 years ago

Viva didn’t say anything about Jews though did s/he. Just cause someone opposes a country doesn’t mean that they oppose a religion. Two fundamentally different things.

Anna
Anna
6 years ago

R u kiddin’ me??! If the poor girl would be aloud to do it at home, nothing would have happened!

Truffle
6 years ago
Reply to  Anna

*allowed

You’re welcome.

Jesus_of_Nazareth
Jesus_of_Nazareth
6 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

As if you’re trying to take the high ground here…

Truffle
6 years ago

^^^ Judas Iscariot in the house! ^^^

Judas
Judas
6 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

HAAYOOOOO!

stepane7399Stephanie
6 years ago
Reply to  Anna

Lol. My feeling about this is how on Earth would dad have any clue what was going on?

defiant_rebel
defiant_rebel
6 years ago

He probably followed her to watch her while he masterbated.

Baz F
6 years ago
Reply to  Anna

Oooh, Anna you’re pretty.

Baz F
6 years ago
Reply to  Anna

Anna, you’re a stunner.

Giving jesusarimjob
Giving jesusarimjob
6 years ago
Reply to  Anna

Allowed*

Lea
Lea
6 years ago

Stop Masturbation Now ??? What century are these people living? “Right now I think she is just embarrassed that she had to learn a lesson the hard way” I hate this guys…..

Truffle
6 years ago
Reply to  Lea

Take the SMN pledge and let go of all the hate. We can teach you to love thy neighbours and not defile your Devils doorbell.

Praise!

Jacey
Jacey
6 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

Love your neighbors? Is that some kind of sick twisted joke? The whole time I have been on this site, all I have seen is complete hate from this religion onto to others who have a different opinion than your own. I love how you get so defensive the moment someone judges your beliefs and act like you act like the complete victims of judgement when you are not. This faith and what you believe in is being placed online. When you place things on the internet, others are going to have their own opinion about it. If you want… Read more »

Jesus_of_Nazareth
Jesus_of_Nazareth
6 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

“Devils doorbell” That’s a new one! I’ll let dad know, it gets a bit dull around heaven now and again!

WHATDAFUR!!
WHATDAFUR!!
6 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

let go of the hate your face dude.. i actually love you guys.. really 😀 i never had a laugh like this in weeks.. so very thank you, i never knew that there are people more stupid than my dog XD

Shade Alighien
Shade Alighien
6 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

If your religion is right, the devil literally could not exist since God is oh-so-high-and-mighty. An all-powerful, benevolent God wouldn’t allow evil to exist. From that alone, I can conclude that if your “God” existed, he created us with genitals that we can stimulate ourselves. Everything of the human body was supposedly created by him, not the devil. Lucifer was still chilling up in heaven when man was created; he fell long after a large population was established. Therefore, genitalia aren’t the “Devil’s doorbell.” All of your own arguments have turned against you, which proves, once again, that Christianity is… Read more »

Dexter Battygarten iii
Dexter Battygarten iii
6 years ago
Reply to  Shade Alighien

God created us with free will and the ability to choose in order to test us. next!!!

francis scarlett
francis scarlett
6 years ago

What about natural evil such as natural disaters huh hundreds of thousands of innocent people die each year because of of “natural” evil, something that god can supposedly stop, in turn not affecting ‘free will’. Btw im 14 and if I can find the faults in your fool proof religion, some ideas may need bucking up…

dexterbattygarteniii
6 years ago

Right, right, natural disasters. boo hoo. what about masturbation? thats the real issue on Gods mind. are you going to do that when you get married next year? what about your husbands needs?

francis scarlett
francis scarlett
6 years ago

Ahahah, ‘boo hooo’ like too see you say that when you or god forbid one of your family members dies or is injured! To be completely honest masticating is probably somewhere on gods list of issues but I believe that he would rather focus on issues such as rape, murder an war. So long as masturbation an other such totaly natural acts are kept in the privacy of one’s own home then I see no problem with it…

dexterbattygarteniii
6 years ago

my god, you disgust me. praying AT you now, even though it gives me the shivers…

francis scarlett
francis scarlett
6 years ago

Hahaha ive just been trolled

Judas
Judas
6 years ago

smarter than most

Dexter Battygarten iii
Dexter Battygarten iii
6 years ago

i can no longer talk to you about this subject; I have restraining orders.

Lucifer Satan
6 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

Yes I hate it when people defile my doorbell, it’s scares the pizza man away.

Fr. Zappa
Fr. Zappa
6 years ago
Reply to  Lucifer Satan

She was on her knees, My little Catholic Girl In a little white dress Catholic Girls They never confess Catholic Girls I got one for a cousin I love how they go So send me a dozen Catholic Girls OOOOOOH! This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER… Joe had a girl friend named Mary. She used to go to the church club every week. They’d meet each other there Hold hands And think Pure Thoughts But one night, at the Social Club meeting Mary didn’t show up… She was sucking c*ck backstage at The Armory In order to get a pass To… Read more »

pump the porpoise
pump the porpoise
6 years ago

yknow, for a second, I thought this website was a complete joke. I can’t stop laughing at the anti-masturbation cross! hahaha unreal! yknow, come to think of it, I’m jerkin’ off as I type this. I hope the sick people that run this website and those that endorse its messages all have wet dreams of jerkin’ off and flickin’ their bean.

Tom Downey
6 years ago

I hope you get struck by lightning and give yourself The Bad AIDS.

pump the porpoise
pump the porpoise
6 years ago
Reply to  Tom Downey

im not allowed to have The Good AIDS?????

Jacky
Jacky
6 years ago

omg!!! I’m laughing so hard I’m crying – “I’m not allowed to have the Good AIDS”??? Best comeback so far!!! lmfho

pump the porpoise
pump the porpoise
6 years ago
Reply to  Tom Downey

you cant give yourself aids. kill yourself

anti-masturbation cross is a thing that exists
anti-masturbation cross is a thing that exists
6 years ago
Reply to  Tom Downey

>The Bad AIDS

>give yourself

>The Bad

OH LAWD

HardOnUnTouched
HardOnUnTouched
6 years ago
Reply to  Tom Downey

why am i the only one that got that reference

stepane7399
6 years ago
Reply to  Tom Downey

Wait, there is a good AIDS? I would like to hear more about the differences between the good AIDS and the bad AIDS. Thank you very much.

Jesus_of_Nazareth
Jesus_of_Nazareth
6 years ago

Sorry for my weirdo followers. You enjoy that jerk, its on me

religion is dead
religion is dead
6 years ago

This story simply isn’t real. Obviously the moderators have very little-to-no support behind their cause, so they fabricate stories like this to make anti masturbation appear relevant. Take your 16th century ideals and shove ’em right up your asshole. Masturbation isn’t going anywhere.

Jacob Calland
6 years ago

the whole website is a joke…….

wes
wes
6 years ago

Is it wrong I’m masturbating now to her picture? Cowboy boots and hot pants ! Hot dang !

anti-masturbation cross is a thing that exists
anti-masturbation cross is a thing that exists
6 years ago
Reply to  wes

Ha! “Praying for” you because I’m totally doing that right now.

Ki
Ki
6 years ago

This is scientifically impossible. I screwed my man outside during a thunder/lighting storm, an let me just tell you.. It was more then wet 😉 You people are nuts!
AN THEN WE WATCHED THE GAY RAINBOW OF SATAN TOGETHER !!!

Dexter Battygarten iii
Reply to  Ki

theres nothing wrong that at all. love of the body between adults is blessed by god. im glad to hear you are now with child.

Stuck
Stuck
6 years ago

You think they would at least spell struck right. And I agree, it’s not going anywhere!

Katie Barnard
Katie Barnard
6 years ago

Is this website serious? All of this is hilariously idiotic to me

Matt Perkins
Matt Perkins
6 years ago
Reply to  Katie Barnard

Masturbation is very serious!

Jerkin ma Gherkin
Jerkin ma Gherkin
6 years ago
Reply to  Matt Perkins

It is very serious, in the sexual health and wellbeing of your children, understanding what they have and how to use it, may stop them from becoming complete fruitloops like yourself. I regularly beat my bishop and I’m not burning in hell, or dying of aids, or even going blind in fact I’m in a very stable nob in which I make tonnes of money and spend it all on myself

born in a barn
born in a barn
6 years ago
Reply to  Matt Perkins

I masturbate very seriously , religously once per day , its the time when me and the lord really connect

Jesus_of_Nazareth
Jesus_of_Nazareth
6 years ago
Reply to  born in a barn

*high five*

WHATDAFUR!!
WHATDAFUR!!
6 years ago

hey dude.. me confused.. am i supposed to click the pray for, or the pray against? i don’t want pray against.. its not even on my vocabulary.. why didn’t this morons made a like button here? >.< haha, i like your comments dude 😀

defiant_rebel
defiant_rebel
6 years ago
Reply to  born in a barn

That’s all.

Marius
Marius
6 years ago

If God did not want us to masturbate, he would have given us shorter arms….

Truffle
6 years ago
Reply to  Marius

Oh you mean like the Tyrannosaurus Rex that he created 6,000 years ago?

Jesus_of_Nazareth
Jesus_of_Nazareth
6 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

Read a book. One that isn’t the bible and doesn’t have pictures in it… Muppet

Truffle
6 years ago

Judas!

Judas
Judas
6 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

No, That’s JESUS, I’m Judas. – Like my homie Jesus said, read a book. (FYI, Big J and I are tight now, lots of therapy)

WHATDAFUR!!
WHATDAFUR!!
6 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

hey dude.. you’re just trolling around, right? tell me you no serious ahaha

Fuck religion
Fuck religion
6 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

Over 60 million years ago dumb ass read something that isn’t that piece of shit bible

Mikael Kaasinen
Mikael Kaasinen
6 years ago

(Serious facepalm)…
We live in year 2014 right? I’am not so sure always…

Brandon
Brandon
6 years ago

LOL It is hilarious how you people think you’re doing so much good in the world, when in reality your hatred and abuse towards those around you is the pure evil that you’re bigoted enough to think you’re overruling. Not to mention your “facts” are disturbingly moronic. Do you really think your “all loving God” has this much hate? It must be a very depressing and unpleasant life to live. I pity you.

Jesus_of_Nazareth
Jesus_of_Nazareth
6 years ago
Reply to  Brandon

I don’t really hate anyone. Except Kermit the frog, fuck that guy. Gives me the creeps

Nucky Goldberg
Nucky Goldberg
6 years ago
Reply to  Brandon

I am not a big fan of Speedy Gonzales

Elgin McConnell Loney
6 years ago
Reply to  Brandon

Not all Christians are dogmatic on this subject Brandon. And many of us have done third-world relief work where bigotry could be fatal. Let love prevail.

ML
ML
6 years ago

Must have been one hell of an orgasm… Jealous!

Truffle
6 years ago
Reply to  ML

The female orgasm is a myth. A lie spread by Big Masturbation to encourage lesser gendereds to fall victim to disease’s and drug use.

Jesus_of_Nazareth
Jesus_of_Nazareth
6 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

It isn’t a myth, ask Mary Magdalene…

herreticalperson
herreticalperson
6 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

Lesser gender? are you serious! I view women equal to men, both have the same urges the same ability to think for them selves oh and are just as good in bed!

Truffle
6 years ago

Men and women are equal? Laughing out loud, shaking my head! You are deluded.

Praying AT you!

Esteban
Esteban
6 years ago

What da fuck is this page? Are you kidding?

Jerky jerkov
Jerky jerkov
6 years ago

You people are fucking ignorant and I’m going to think of how stupid you are every time I go to drop my pants

Milton Grits
6 years ago
Reply to  Jerky jerkov

This is a family-orientated netsite, you need to refrain from using that kind of language.

Jesus_of_Nazareth
Jesus_of_Nazareth
6 years ago
Reply to  Milton Grits

It’s my website. Fuck off, we’ll do what we want.

Milton Grits
6 years ago

Obviously, you are not Jesus. Or perhaps you are a Puerto Rican?

Alberto
Alberto
6 years ago
Reply to  Milton Grits

Fuck you you dumbass WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT PUERTO RICAN SCREW YOU

Michelle
Michelle
6 years ago

This article is fake. The picture on here is my picture and my namr is not Jennifer this article is fake and also breaks copyright laws on my modeling picture that they used without my consent

Carlos Danger
6 years ago
Reply to  Michelle

Nice try Jennifer but the world needs to know of the dangers of masturbation. I pray you will still be able to give birth to normal colored children.

Emily
Emily
6 years ago
Reply to  Carlos Danger

Normal coloured ? Shut the fuck up

Dexter Battygarten iii
Reply to  Emily

don’t try to make excuses for interracialism on this thread maam. this isn’t the slavery days anymore, you know so take your racist attitudes away. Good christians respect the right of all races to exist without dilution.

francis scarlett
francis scarlett
6 years ago

And you sir are the kind of backward thinking discusting racist who tarnishes the Christian faith … love thy neighbours one of the ten commandments, the colour of the persons skin dose not in turn judge whether the person deserves to be respected…

Juicy Lucy
Juicy Lucy
6 years ago
Reply to  Emily

The lightening could cause napalm stripped children. Kinda rainbow colored. Maybe even with a scar like Harry had.

shilow
6 years ago
Reply to  Carlos Danger

ur sick to think that u can get hurt from masterbating its a natural
thing what are u teaching kids to hate there body

Milton Grits
6 years ago
Reply to  shilow

babygurl do u evn pray,,,?

Jesus Christ Superstar
Jesus Christ Superstar
6 years ago
Reply to  shilow

actually you can get hurt from masturbation but only if you wear hard leather gloves like me…

Lover of the right (hand that is)
Reply to  Michelle

I have never in my life seen a group of religious fanatics such as this. dissolving human nature, racism, child abuse, and look at the people posting, my god and i do mean my GOD how do you people exist in this age? I have read all comments, vulture, obscene, compassion and all of these people in such disgust of “your religion against human existence” I am 50 years old, raised 5 kids, live with solid family values, my oldest is a christian youth leader. Fuck look at your profile pictures, i know you grab your pricks, look in a… Read more »