ROME- ITALY (European Mexico) SMNNN
New archeological evidence suggests masturbation to be the cause of the collapse of the Roman/Byzantine Sodomite empire, says Dr Garbanzo, head doctor of Faithscience In Regards To Ancient Sodomites, who has been excavating various volcanic sites around the island of Stromboli in the Mediterranean.
Dr Garbanzo, much admired faitharcheologist, had long been desperately seeking a credible link between Mediterranean masturbation levels at the time of antiquity, and multiple catastrophic volcanic eruptions, which he believes were the direct result of God’s Anger at the horrible ancient people’s deeds. In a phone-statement, Dr Garbanzo says ” We [have found] it. “, in reference to his new evidence.
The evidence he speaks of is the discovery of a large jar shaped vessel, similar to an amphora, but possibly used as a semen receptacle by ancient Roman Empire masturbators, during a terrible eruption of Stromboli’s really big and scary volcano, during ancient God-less times.
” We hada alwaysa knew dat de Romans was de sickos! ” Says Dr Garbanzo ” Butta dey wen, and blew it uppa! Here we got dis evidence-a. Oh sole mio! Pasatafazoola! ”
The “mainstream scientific community”, long ago corrupted by the deep pockets of Big Masturbation, refused all comments, resisting even the most persistent attempts to obtain an official statement from them, including shooting two SMNNN Interns with an anti-riot bean-bag restraint device.
Evidence as clear and present as Dr Garbanzo has presented us is not only historical in some way, but also stands as a warning for the future: Self-Rape has destroyed civilization in a terrible pyroclasm in the past, and it will do so again unless we stop masturbation now.