Using a network of B.L.U.F.F Co. F-Drives (dominate faith-based video gaming system in the U.S.A. market) leading Faithscientists have run a comprehensive mathematical simulation which shows masturbation to be the greatest ecological concern of mankind in 2015.
Over twelve F-Drive systems were networked via coaxial cables. Working as one unit, the massive network was able to use all 156kb of computational memory banks to “crunch” the numbers. A dedicated team of interns from the Ornament worked all hours of the night for a better part of two years and the simulation was completed.
The simulation, which details the direct effects of masturbation on the environment, is the most elaborate simulation of it’s kind of all time, and is as many as five times more complex than it’s predecessor: Leisure Suit Larry Big Man On Campus.
The simulation, which factors masturbation, and levels of displeasure felt by Jesus, shows more natural disasters in one year, than humanity has ever seen in the world’s 8,000-year history.
” It is eye opening to say the least.” Says Dean Joseph Fenner of B.L.U.F.F U.K., English campus of B.L.U.F.F. ” I only hope the World Government takes note, before it is too late! Tally-Ho and whatnot, guv’nor! ”
The simulation shows massive tsunamis, unfathomable volcanoes, earthquakes in excess of 24 on the Richter scale, Kraken attacks, as well as even worse ecological disasters, such as the planet colliding with the moon, and spontaneous vaporization, all directly related to masturbation.
” We warned people this would happen. And now the math says it’s gonna happen. Shame on you. Shame on y’ all” Said Professor Skippy Enis of B.L.U.F.F Agricultural Research.
No one is certain to what extent the damage will be, but many have begun building shelters and stockpiling arms.
Rational concern citizens are not taking the news lightly, says one man: ” We have to be prepared for when the masturbators destroy the world, it’s just common sense”