Masturbation Rates Up In Areas Hit By Blizzard: What Can You Do To Stay Safe

(StopMasturbationNOW)— The great Blizzard of 2016 is rolling up the east coast and with it people are staying home to avoid the snow and bad roads. Unfortunately a consequence of this is people have much more free time and isolation which is a recipe for masturbation disaster.

untitled4In Baltimore alone masturbation rates are up almost 335%, in Philadelphia 280%, Long Island over 200%.

“The combination of the blizzard conditions combined with a weekend where people don’t have to work makes for a double threat” Says Lonnie Childs Founder and Leader of Stop Masturbation Now.

More than 60 million people were under blizzard, winter storm or freezing rain warnings as the storm’s effects stretched from Georgia to Massachusetts, according to Weather.com. Some 250,000 customers were without power as the storm roared up the East Coast, according to the Weather Channel.

New York City and Long Island banned travel Saturday, including all transit from New Jersey bridges and tunnels into and out of the city as a deadly snowstorm left major cities, roadways and airports along the East Coast largely immobilized.

9 ways to reduce your masturbation risk during the blizzard
untitled3Don’t be alone
Go outside
Do some winter related activities
Pray
Use masturbation prevention Devices
Stay busy
Smoke
Avoid tempting materials
Go to Church

 

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16 Comments on Masturbation Rates Up In Areas Hit By Blizzard: What Can You Do To Stay Safe

  1. Smoke!?!? Very bad joke. I know people who died of lung cancer caused by smoking.
    Do you seriously advice people to kill themselves?
    You should be banned!
    Here take a deep and long look:
    http://i.skyrock.net/6937/85306937/pics/3116280943_1_3_mdgqFb4H.jpg

    You are sick perverts!

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    • There are more than 43 known biologically carcinogenic chemicals in cigarettes. These include nicotine, tar, and carbon monoxide, as well as formaldehyde, ammonia, hydrogen cyanide, arsenic, and DDT.

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  2. Are you an actual idiot? Smoking is bad for you. Look it up! Search any RELIABLE source and it will tell you that masturbation is healthy and normal.

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  3. Day 3 of the blizzard. I've been trapped in my house for so long. I've run out of food and i don't know what to do anymore. A friend of mine once suggested, when trapped on an island, to eat his own sperm. It seems like the only viable option at the moment. BUT HOW?! how will i eat my own sperm without self-raping me? Im desperate, any suggestion is welcome. Anyone has experience with eating sperm??

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    • It's not rape if both participants give consent. Masturbation only involves one person, so only one person needs to give consent and if you are doing it, you are giving yourself consent.

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  4. You use a drill to breach your prostate, it will double as to make masturbation very painful, and you wont do it!

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  5. You are seriously promoting smoking!!!!. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!! Now i may promote some pretty messed up stuff, like one time I spray painted my teeth white, ive eaten a cake made out of hair and vomit, ive even eaten actual fucking rats that i found in the street. But smoking, that causes cancer. Although alot of the stuff I do also causes cancer, hell even eating meat causes cancer, but you get my point. ITS TIME TO STOP!!!!!!!!!

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  6. I HAVE BEEN TOUCHED BY HIS NOODLY APPENDAGE, JOIN IN WORSHIP OF THE TRUE GOD THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER.

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