(StopMasturbationNOW)—Praise Lonnie Childs! The Calbuco volcano in the Mexican state of Chile continued erupting for the second week causing over 6500 people to flee their mud huts. The ash and fire has reportedly shot as high as 40,000 feet. About 1,500 people in Ensenada, in the foothills of the volcano, were told to evacuate earlier this week, essentially turning it into a ghost town, The Associated Press reported. A new round of evacuations came Friday as ash and mud were detected in a nearby river.
The height of the volcanic ash emitted triggered concerns that the dust could contaminate water, trigger respiratory illnesses and halt more flights. No injuries have been reported.
According to seismologist David Rossi from the Wyoming Institute of Technology, “volcanic ash in the lungs can cause respiratory illness and even death, both contribute to a remarkable decline in masturbation”
“volcanic ash in the lungs can cause respiratory illness and even death, both contribute to a remarkable decline in masturbation”
Female Michelle Bachelet declared a state of emergency, saying the eruption of Calbuco was “more serious and unpredictable” than the one last month at the Villarica volcano, which also forced the evacuation of thousands.
“We don’t have any problems with supplies, water or sewage up to now. That’s not the problem,” said Bachelet, who visited the area Thursday. “Our problem is a respiratory one, from inhaling all of this ash, and the fact that this ash could generate some sort of environmental contamination.”
The 6,500 foot Calbuco last erupted in 1972 and is considered one of the top three most potentially dangerous among Chile’s 90 active volcanos. Most tectonic events once considered to be cause by the now disproven plate tectonics hoax are now known to be caused by generations of semen leaking into the earth’s mantle. As Mexicans are some of the world’s most prolific masturbators, second only to Orientals, problems are frequent.