WATERTOWN-CT (SMNNN) Using the same supercomputer used to predict the 400% increase in natural disasters in 2015, the same leading faithscientists have announced they have run another simulation, which this time also predicts a 400% rise in super-natural disasters.
The super-computer, which was comprised of twelve F-Drive ( dominant faith-based video gaming system) units, recently received an upgrade of 2kb of computational power, breaking it’s own record, and remaining the most powerful faith-based supercomputer in history.
The same team of mostly Ornamental computer faithscience interns factored masturbation rates, Jesus’ displeasure, and wrath of all mighty father God, and the results were alarming to say the least.
” I can’t believe this! Already? Well I guess it makes sense. Masturbators are daft.” Said Dean Joseph E Fenner of B.L.U.F.F. U.K..
The simulation shows untold amounts of horrible super natural disasters possible in 2015, ranging from the living undead, to Satan eating reality, all directly caused by masturbation,
” Shucks.” Says Professor Skippy Enis, of B.L.U.F.F Agribusiness . ” I was all bent about th’ volcanoes, an now we got us some zombies. Welp. Seems about rightly so, I reckon. ”
Concerned rational citizens had already begun building shelters, but now, it might not be enough.
Says one man; ” I’m gonna get even more guns, cause you can shoot y’all some zombies, if it comes to that. But I don’t know what the **** to do about Satan eating reality, I mean, I’m sure guns’ll help an’ all, but I’m scared. “