By Brother Cassidy Pen
<B.L.U.F.F. AZ> The Eldership of Brother Lonald’s University of Faith Facts announced a ban on female use of wheeled mouse input devices. This ban includes all makes and models having a scroll wheel, especially those with “click” wheel capabilities, as I will explain.
A recent study, funded in by B.L.U.F.F. sponsors and the Foundation for a Better Tomorrow, concludes women are being led into masturbatory temptation by the use of wheeled mouse devices. The female brain sends motor signals to the thumb and index finger during wheeled mouse device use in the same manner that a female uses to massage her labial lips and cherry stem tip. B.L.U.F.F. security has presented surveillance evidence of this action.
The study compared data taken from moisture checks and blood pressure analysis to come to the obvious conclusion; women are imagining digit diddling their finger boxes.
The Eldership, having reviewed the study and video taped evidence in a 36 hour emergency meeting, announced the ban which is effective immediately. A 10-day grace period has been enacted. All BLUFF females are to turn in their scroll wheel input devices without delay.
Females have also been shown to be using scroll wheels to surf more easily for unladylike page webs including, but not restricted to, Cosmo-like content, sites with feminist fascism, and in some cases, pornography.
Eldership Representatives cited Brother Lonnie’s words, “The near occasion of self rape sin is to be avoided without question.” The success of the SMN Mission is threatened when women are tempted with fingering their filthy fish holes and stub stroking their dirty doorbells
The B.L.U.F.F. Eldership will also consider banning trackball mouse devices in the future for all of B.L.U.F.F. Reports are that young boys and unsanctified B.L.U.F.F. students are flicking their hands and fingers over the trackball in a manner similar to foreskin and testicle play.