B.L.U.F.F. Bans Female Use of Wheeled Mouse Devices

Eldership Proclamation Made This Morning

By Brother Cassidy Pen

<B.L.U.F.F. AZ> The Eldership of Brother Lonald’s University of Faith Facts announced a ban on female use of wheeled mouse input devices. This ban includes all makes and models having a scroll wheel, especially those with “click” wheel capabilities, as I will explain.

A recent study, funded in by B.L.U.F.F. sponsors and the Foundation for a Better Tomorrow, concludes women are being led into masturbatory temptation by the use of wheeled mouse devices. The female brain sends motor signals to the thumb and index finger during wheeled mouse device use in the same manner that a female uses to massage her labial lips and cherry stem tip. B.L.U.F.F. security has presented surveillance evidence of this action.

The study compared data taken from moisture checks and blood pressure analysis to come to the obvious conclusion; women are imagining digit diddling their finger boxes.

The Eldership, having reviewed the study and video taped evidence in a 36 hour emergency meeting, announced the ban which is effective immediately. A 10-day grace period has been enacted. All BLUFF females are to turn in their scroll wheel input devices without delay.

Females have also been shown to be using scroll wheels to surf more easily for unladylike page webs including, but not restricted to, Cosmo-like content, sites with feminist fascism, and in some cases, pornography.

Eldership Representatives cited Brother Lonnie’s words, “The near occasion of self rape sin is to be avoided without question.” The success of the SMN Mission is threatened when women are tempted with fingering their filthy fish holes and stub stroking their dirty doorbells

The B.L.U.F.F. Eldership will also consider banning trackball mouse devices in the future for all of B.L.U.F.F. Reports are that young boys and unsanctified B.L.U.F.F. students are flicking their hands and fingers over the trackball in a manner similar to foreskin and testicle play.

About Cassidy Pen 80 Articles
Cornelius Bartholomew “Cassidy” Pen, a retired US Marine, Actor, and Security Head-Receiver at B.L.U.F.F. Female Intake, now writes for a number of nationally respected news agencies. A winner of the prestigious Bill O'Reily "No-Spin" Award, Cassidy also runs a daytime street ministry to save souls from the sin of self rape. An avid hunter and manufacturer of distilled spirits, Cassidy would probably be found deep in the woods during his free time.
Contact: Website

7 Comments on B.L.U.F.F. Bans Female Use of Wheeled Mouse Devices

  1. I breathe all the time.
    I breathe when I masturbate.
    Guess I’m gonna have to stop breathing.

  2. I got so wet scrolling down this page

    Oh God

    OH GOD

    I I have to good I need to uhh… use the bathroom that mouse wheel was just too much

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