Ebola Discovered Spread Via Masturbation

First Documented Case of Deadly Virus Spread by Breathing Self Rape Residues

SIERRA LEONE – A French foreign aid worker has contracted the Ebola virus through masturbation. The World Health Organization morns the loss of a brave volunteer, Jorge Pierre-Francios, who was assisting the infected in a makeshift Ebola treatment center in Sierra Leone.

Previous infections of the virus have been through blood or bodily fluid contact with an infected individual. This is the first time that the virus has been spread through masturbation.

Ebola is contained in the ejaculate of the infected. As the infected strokes the sin stick, Ebola virus compounds gather in the semen glads. The virus attaches to the ejaculation molecules as it spews forth through the penis of the self rapist in squirting bursts of white striped webs.

The Ebola particulates then become airborne as it is soluble to the oxygen in the air. The virus, now attached to the molecules within the masturbation residue can float in the air for as long as four to ten hours from the point of orgasmic release.  During this time, the floating Ebola is susceptible to being transferred to another host by breathing or skin contact.

This new discovery has baffled scientists and places health workers at a particularly elevated risk when working around the infected. It also raises startling new concerns for those that insist on using their hands to bring about sexual release. Being it is a Frenchman who contracted the virus, Ebola has still yet claim a normal member of the human race during this latest outbreak.

But, how long can we wait?

It is the mission of the Stop Masturbation Now Ministry to end the epidemic of self rape. This new Ebola outbreak development makes SMN’s work more vital. Now, more than ever, it is imperative that you take the SMN Pledge.

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Cassidy Pen
About Cassidy Pen 80 Articles
Cornelius Bartholomew “Cassidy” Pen, a retired US Marine, Actor, and Security Head-Receiver at B.L.U.F.F. Female Intake, now writes for a number of nationally respected news agencies. A winner of the prestigious Bill O'Reily "No-Spin" Award, Cassidy also runs a daytime street ministry to save souls from the sin of self rape. An avid hunter and manufacturer of distilled spirits, Cassidy would probably be found deep in the woods during his free time.
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6 Comments on Ebola Discovered Spread Via Masturbation

  1. My faith is humanity has gone to an all time low. People like this make the world look like shit. Masturbation is normal. And I don't think it's rape if the person actually likes it. You bible thumping ignorant hypocrites.

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  2. Wait. So Frenchmen aren't real people? I object fully to your uneducated outburst. I am not a masturbator as I have a parter for sexual arousal. Anyways, Frenchmen are real people. It is scientifically proven that they are in fact a part of the human species, the only difference being their beliefs are different than yours and the skin tone is unique.

    Also, SRR? What is that? Some new belief in this cult that uses brainwashing to get innocent beings to follow it? I totally object with all the posts on this website.

    We are animals anyways. It is scientifically proven that humans have the same basic qualities that any reptile, fish, amphibian, or mammal have in similarity. Therefore, it is natural for us to have the instinct to reproduce.

    Also, ask yourself this "faith scientists". How do we know that this website is what God wants? And don't say child Ronnie told you this. What if he is lying? What do you do then? Your life, your works were all for a liar who has non existent truths.

    As for all the followers here, do we really need priests, churches, and popes to tell us what to do? Think. We are all human. Are you going to let another being on your equal level control you? No. You can figure out God's intentions on your own. Am I not correct? Are you that stupid as to not be able to connect with God? We're all humans after all. There is no difference between a king and a commoner. We can both die the same. We can both die the same, pray the same, go to heaven the same, and go to hell the same. I am The Devil. I am the truth. I am God's father.

    Amen.

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