History / Morals / Politics / World

Happy Birthday, America!

Today marks the 2014th birthday of America, God’s favorite country.  Praise!  We here at STOP Masturbation NOW live the moral, masturbation free lives that the Founding Fathers intended!  Creating a sovereign nation free from the yoke of oppression was not without it’s complications and tribulations.  We must never forget that the nefarious forces of Big Masturbation are always present, ready to threaten our God-given Family Values.  Benedict Arnold, a British agent of Big Masturbation who went by the thinly-veiled pseudonym “John Handcock”, infiltrated the inner circle of Founding Fathers with his honeyed words of seduction and enticingly large signature.  Luckily, his efforts to overthrow our Union were thwarted by Patriot Paul Revere, who’s famous cry; “The British are cumming, the British are cumming!” warned the Fathers of an impending circle-jerking off session.

Let us reflect upon some of the wise words they have left behind.  These words which guide us, define us, and save our very souls!  Praise!

 

“Mankind are governed more by their reason than by masturbation.”

-John Adams

 

“Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on self-rape.”

-Benjamin Franklin

 

“They define a republic to be a government of laws, and not of rampant masturbation.”

-Sam Adams

 

“Let me add that only a self-chaste people are capable of Heaven.  As nations become morally corrupt and self-sexualized, they have more need of Satan.”

-John Penn

 

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TheRev Leroy Jenkins
6 years ago

Happy Birthday America, 2014 years old and still going strong! God Bless, TheRev

Emmanuel
Emmanuel
6 years ago

I finally understand how big masturbation has influenced me to rape myself, praise to you all for bringing me back to the light.
I really want to take the golden shower and join you in your crusade reverend
I am Lonnie Childs!
P.S I assure you I’m a superior sex normal male

Bishop Smith
Bishop Smith
6 years ago

I encourage you all to fight the mysterious agenda of Big Masturbation. She will pervert not only your left hand but also your right. I am Lonnie Childs! Praise!!

Kara
Kara
6 years ago

I’m an agressive shy masturbator. Is there any hope for me? I had to go to the doctor once because I masturbated the skin right off!

Bishop Smith
Bishop Smith
6 years ago
Reply to  Kara

Nice pic, you self raping pervert! Lonnie Childs is the only one who can save you now!!

Lonnie Childs
Lonnie Childs
6 years ago

Hail Satan.

Dani
Dani
6 years ago

it is not Americas 2014th birthday, America wasn’t founded until 1776 that would make it 238 years old. MORONS

Gwyn ;P
Gwyn ;P
6 years ago

America isn’t 2014 years old you FUCKING DUMBASS

Chonnie Lilds
Chonnie Lilds
6 years ago

America is god owns country – which means it is as old as Jesus himself you mislead non normal masturbators!

Stalin☭☭☭☭
Stalin☭☭☭☭
4 years ago

Lenin is better