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Not for long, God willing.

Should People Who Masturbate Be Allowed to Vote?

What a country!  As God-appointed Americans, we live in a Christian land, founded on Christian morals by non-masturbating Christian heroes.  One of the great tenets of this fantastic nation in which we reside is the concept of a free democracy.  A government of the people, by the people, for the […]

by November 3, 2020 234 comments Civics
POT KILLS: Chasing The Marijuana Dragon

POT KILLS: Chasing The Marijuana Dragon

The following is the story Grandpa Shalavin told me about the dangers of marijuana when I was a little kid. 2,000 years ago when Jesus first discovered America, 3 masturbators were walking through the forest. Suddenly a big shadow passes over their heads and a big dragon lands in front of them. […]

by September 17, 2020 30 comments Disciples, History, Morals, World
Born after 1980? You’ll have no idea what this device is.

Born after 1980? You’ll have no idea what this device is.

WEST PALM BEACH, FLA. – If you were born after 1980 you’ve probably never seen this device before, and you likely don’t even know what it was used for.  But if you were born in the age of self-control, you’re parents may have made you wear this, and if so, […]

by September 4, 2020 33 comments Disciples, Morals, Self-Rape Prevention
Ways To Abstain From The Sin of Masturbation

Ways To Abstain From The Sin of Masturbation

It is a known fact that masturbation is a top-ten cause of serious disease, as well as an act of incest and an act of homosexuality. As dictated by the Lord’s prophet on earth Lonald “Lonnie” Childs, we must not only abstain completely from masturbation, we much preach abstinence to […]

by September 2, 2020 30 comments Morals, Self-Rape Prevention
MASTURBATION RAPE METHODS

MASTURBATION RAPE METHODS

The goal of masturbation is to achieve climax alone by stimulating ones genitals combined one of the following rape methods. 1.) Fantasizing about another person or person(s). In doing this you are raping that person. You have no right to be thinking those thoughts. Even if you are married and […]

Case Study: The Influence of Big Masturbation on American Society

Case Study: The Influence of Big Masturbation on American Society

The Big Masturbation Conspiracy: Preliminary Findings In keeping with the Mission of the Patriot Act, the Department of Homeland Security has organized a joint study and collaborative relationship among elements of the FBI, CIA, and the Stop Masturbation Now Ministry. The purpose of the study is to determine the extent […]

by August 22, 2020 4 comments Big Masturbation
Atmospheric Masturbatory Residue at Unsafe Levels

Atmospheric Masturbatory Residue at Unsafe Levels

B.L.U.F.F. AZ – The Foundation for a Better Tomorrow, along with NASA, has determined that self rape residues in the atmosphere are at unsafe levels in many areas of the United States. The FFBT and NASA, as part of a joint taxpayer funded coalition, has been measuring the levels of […]

by August 12, 2020 62 comments Weather
Prostate Cancer And Other Masturbation Related Diseases

Prostate Cancer And Other Masturbation Related Diseases

MASTURBATION IS A TOP TEN CAUSES OF DISEASE Aches, Heart Disease, Paralysis and Suicide: When sexual organs are handled it causes a rush of blood to these parts, and causes oxygen depletion in other organs of the body, because they are left with a less amount of blood than they […]

From supreme gentlemen to masturarchy supremacist all in a matter of months! #Yesallmasturbatorsrape

[Opinion]: Anti-Masturbation Is the Only Logical Stance for Feminists to Take on the Issue of Self-Rape

It is not often that the shrill caterwauling of the socially destructive feminist movement could ever be considered to hold something in common with socially responsible Christian conservatism, yet on the subject of self-rape we really should be natural bedfellows [figuratively speaking, of course]. You see, the group that masturbation […]

How to Report A Masturbator to the Authorities

How to Report A Masturbator to the Authorities

The act of masturbation is illegal in all 50 states and US territories where it is classified as a “lewd and lascivious” act. Police departments are actively seeking out masturbators, as they present a danger to society and the fines associated with this crime generate a lot of revenue for […]

by May 19, 2020 180 comments Morals, Trending
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