Archive for February, 2015

Avoiding Masturbation: 5 Things Men Should Not Do

Avoiding Masturbation: 5 Things Men Should Not Do

(StopMasturbationNow)—Many men suffer from an addiction to masturbation. With easy access to porn, it’s easy to get addicted. What needs to be done is deciphering the difference between masturbation and real sex, with an association of the latter being more pleasurable. Guys can learn more about their porn and masturbation […]

by February 18, 2015 13 comments Lifestyle
Pioneers In Anti-Masturbation: Benjamin Franklin

Pioneers In Anti-Masturbation: Benjamin Franklin

HISTORY, (SMNN) Deep with the annuls of history, there have been great non-masturbators, today we speak of one of the greatest: Benjamin Franklin THE FORMATIVE YEARS In the early 18th century, Benjamin Franklin appeared in a blinding flash of light somewhere in Siam. He emerged from the crater a fully […]

by February 13, 2015 4 comments History, Lexicon, Morals
Sheriff Arpaio declares open season on hobos and helpers alike

Arizona Pastor Jailed for Feeding Homeless

PHOENIX, ARIZ. — In a fiery press conference, Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio angrily defended the arrest of Pastor Lonnie Childs at his mobile soup kitchen outside a Phoenix homeless shelter. On Saturday evening, the Christian pastor was charged by Sheriff’s deputies with violating a recently enacted law prohibiting food-sharing operations […]

by February 13, 2015 5 comments B.L.U.F.F., Lonnie Childs, Trending
Miley Cyrus. (image source: By Rob Sinclair [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons)

Lonnie Childs Prevents New Miley Cyrus Film From Being Screened

Brother Lonnie has done it again! A pro-masturbation film festival in the den of sin, New York City, had scheduled to screen a video featuring the Big Masturbation sex android herself, Miley Cyrus. Thanks to your prayers and Brother Lonnie’s tireless efforts, it has now been confirmed that the Big […]

by February 13, 2015 6 comments Big Masturbation, Celebrity, Lonnie Childs
Repeat this affirmation daily and be at peace my Brothers and Sisters.

Miracle: Lonnie’s Celestial Intervention Prevents Parishioner From Self-Raping!

A miracle has occurred this week, as Stop Masturbation Now founder and American Hero, Lonnie Childs, has intervened to save the immortal soul of a parishioner known simply as ‘Thomas’. ‘Thomas’ was asleep in bed when a miracle sent by Lonnie Childs awakened him in order to alert ‘Thomas’ to […]

(Image Source: By Felix O [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons)

Masturbation Danger Zone: Public Transportation

As Lonnie has proven many times over the years, some places are hot spots for masturbation and masturbation related sinful activities. Today we’re going to look at a “no go” zone in most major cities around the world – public transportation. Be it bus, train, elevated train, subway train or […]

by February 11, 2015 7 comments Lifestyle
A Glimpse Inside Of An Actual Anti-Masturbation Re-education Ceremony

A Glimpse Inside Of An Actual Anti-Masturbation Re-education Ceremony

As a member of the fact-based, right-thinking American press machine and a friend of the Stop Masturbation Now movement, I was granted a special look inside during an actual anti-masturbation re-education event at the Safford, Arizona B.L.U.F.F. campound. I’d like to extend special thanks to Brother Barrett Crenshaw and his […]

by February 11, 2015 8 comments B.L.U.F.F.
Is it Time to Thank Lonnie for Lower Gasoline Prices?

Is it Time to Thank Lonnie for Lower Gasoline Prices?

(StopMasturbationNow)—About a year ago, our illustrious leader Lonnie had to fill his truck up at the gasoline pump after handing out pamphlets outside a local high school volleyball game.  His the total was over one hundred dollars for the first time in his life. Now Lonnie isn’t about to go […]

by February 10, 2015 7 comments Lonnie Childs, Money
Christian Anti-Masturbation’s Mascot Arrested For Public Masturbation After Accepting Award

Christian Anti-Masturbation’s Mascot Arrested For Public Masturbation After Accepting Award

Tybee Island, GA — In an ironic twist of a fate, a mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation group was arrested yesterday for masturbating in public. The mascot along with his organization, Stop Masturbation Now, recently finished a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour which they claim focused on educating both […]

by February 10, 2015 4 comments Fappy
Did Brian Williams try and Murder Whitney Houston’s Daughter?

Did Brian Williams try and Murder Whitney Houston’s Daughter?

(StopMasturbationNow)—Mental confusion or “haze” is often a primary symptom of masturbation. This could be the very reason why Brian Williams has so many problems remembering past events even though he himself lived them. Masturbation is trauma and causes such a shock to the brain that the brain will shut itself […]

by February 10, 2015 3 comments Celebrity
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