Archive for February, 2015

photo courtesy of the Associated Press

Celebrity Homogay™ Bruce Jenner is One Step Closer to Becoming a Woman After Crashing Into Other Cars With An SUV

Malibu, CA – Former “Wheaties” cover girl, Bruce Jenner, is in the news today for crashing his SUV into other cars in Malibu. His children and step-children are elated that he is now driving like a woman now. Consistent with Bruce Jenner’s current transformation from Man to Woman, he was […]

by February 10, 2015 16 comments Celebrity
Lonnie Childs: “Slavery Was a Giant Mistake”

Lonnie Childs: “Slavery Was a Giant Mistake”

(StopMasturbationNow)—Leader Lonnie Childs finished his speaking tour of the east coast last Thursday with a speech to hundreds of eager listeners in Bangor, Maine. As is typical for his final stop, Lonnie took some extra time to reflect on the trip to those in the audience. “Over the last few weeks I […]

What is Kanye West’s Problem with White People?

What is Kanye West’s Problem with White People?

(StopMasturbationNow)—Kanye West embarrassed himself again last night on the national stage by literally rushing the stage during the Grammy awards. In 2009 Kanye took to the stage to interrupt a teenage Taylor Swift while she was winning an award. He then went on to rant how it should have been […]

by February 9, 2015 3 comments Celebrity
Brother Lonnie Revokes Tiger Woods’ Normal Status

Brother Lonnie Revokes Tiger Woods’ Normal Status

According to Brother Lonald “Lonnie” Childs, honorary Normal skinned golfing sensation Tiger Woods is once again black thanks to the recent scandal regarding his rampant masturbation and sleeping with over a dozen chubby white women with self esteem issues.  Tiger was made an honorary Normal due to his mastery of […]

by February 7, 2015 6 comments Sports
SMN Ministries Launches Sex-Toy Buy Back Program with the Help of Little Lonnie’s Helpers

SMN Ministries Launches Sex-Toy Buy Back Program with the Help of Little Lonnie’s Helpers

    SMN Ministries has teamed up with one of the Ministry’s primary sponsors, R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Co., to assist with the first Sex-Toy Buy Back program Ever! The program is the brainchild of SMN’s Youth Minister, Jacob Franklin. “By utilizing the most innocent members of the family, we will […]

by February 2, 2015 10 comments Fun and Games
Pioneers in Anti-Masturbation: Vlad Țepeș

Pioneers in Anti-Masturbation: Vlad Țepeș

HISTORY- (SMNN) Throughout the annuls of history, there have been great non-mastubators, such as Vlad Țepeș, prince of somewhere in Transylvania. In the 14th century, young Vlad was assaulted by Turks, and was violently masturbated upon by his assailants. Much of his family was killed or simply ran the heck […]

by February 1, 2015 24 comments History
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