Articles by: BigLarry

Study Promoting Masturbation at Work Leads to Woman’s Pregnancy in “Neutral Gender” Restroom

Study Promoting Masturbation at Work Leads to Woman’s Pregnancy in “Neutral Gender” Restroom

Mark Sergeant, a senior lecturer in psychology at Nottingham Trent University, stated recently that a masturbation break would be “very effective at work” and a “great way to relieve tension and stress.” Psychologist and life coach Dr. Cliff Arnall agreed. “I would expect a masturbation policy to result in more […]

Firefighters battle to stop fire from destroying the house of God.

Youth Pastor Announces that Masturbation is Healthy and Does Not Make You Gay, Church Burns to Ground

Cason, TX is a small community, barely on the map and tucked deep inside NE Texas among pine trees and red clay earth. Proud people live there – good people of God, quick to lend a hand when help is needed and slow to change as the world passes them […]

Lonnie Childs Cleared as Suspect in Brutal Murder

Lonnie Childs Cleared as Suspect in Brutal Murder

SAFFORD, Ariz. – The FBI is now involved in the case of a murdered Lonvidian woman, found dead in her home early Tuesday morning. Safford police confirmed they are no longer considering Lonnie Childs to be a suspect in the case, and detectives have moved on to other suspects. “There’s […]

Inferior Gendered Housewife shows a spark of intelligence.

Ohio Housewife Admits to Being Just as Stupid as We Told Her She Was

Sarah Jenkins is a frequent visitor to our Facebook page, and often makes offensive comments about Lonvidians in multiple posts throughout the day. Many of our members have tried to explain to her how she is ruining her life and family by masturbating – even damning her soul to hell […]

by February 2, 2017 10 comments Compound News
Joe, showing off his new mascot at his local BBQ establishment.

One Woman’s Trash, Area Man’s Treasure

Joe Harris, like many other residents of Safford, has been struggling for years to keep his business afloat during the Obama administration. What he needed, he always felt, was a mascot for his restaurant to set him apart from all the others. He never thought, however, that dream would become […]

by January 25, 2017 5 comments Family Values
10K Run and Mud Wrestling for Teens Pushes for Awareness of Self-Rape

10K Run and Mud Wrestling for Teens Pushes for Awareness of Self-Rape

New Year’s resolutions can run a little hot and cold — and it turns out so can New Year’s runners. The Resolution Run in Safford, AZ has opportunities for participants to experience both the freezing cold and the sweat-building heat of a 1-kilometer, 5-kilometer or 10-kilometer race. And then there […]

by January 4, 2015 8 comments B.L.U.F.F.
Deaths Lead to Job Openings for Lucky Ladies at B.L.U.F.F.

Deaths Lead to Job Openings for Lucky Ladies at B.L.U.F.F.

As many of you know, we have recently lost Sister Keegan to an unfortunate accident involving a hay bailer and a feral hog. We all loved AnnMarie dearly, and her presence will be greatly missed in the daily activities on the Campound. AnnMarie was scheduled to be assigned to a […]

by January 3, 2015 2 comments B.L.U.F.F.
Alleged Texts Point Toward Pope Francis Orchestrating Recent Black Mass

Alleged Texts Point Toward Pope Francis Orchestrating Recent Black Mass

Oklahoma City, OK – Good news sometimes comes from unfortunate circumstances, and we all know that God works in mysterious ways. Dakhma of Angra Mainyu Syndicate, a small denomination of self-raping satan worshippers, recently performed a Black Mass in Oklahoma City – and thousands of Catholics and REAL Christians showed […]

by September 26, 2014 3 comments World
Bitter and Angry Obama Flings Coffee in Marine’s Face

Bitter and Angry Obama Flings Coffee in Marine’s Face

When President Obama disembarked his helicopter in New York on Tuesday, he created a firestorm by doing what he has done thousands of times before: Salute the Marine standing on the tarmac. Only this time, he had a cup in his hands, and he somewhat awkwardly delivered the salute while […]

by September 25, 2014 9 comments Celebrity, Politics
Hollywood Blockbuster offers a Warning to Masturbators

Hollywood Blockbuster offers a Warning to Masturbators

Hollywood, CA – Leaked footage cut from the finished Left Behind, this year’s anticipated blockbuster Christian film from director Vic Armstrong and starring Nicolas Cage, apparently shows Cage masturbating for a full 12 minutes prior to the return of Jesus. The books, written by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins, […]

by September 24, 2014 10 comments Celebrity
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