Articles by: Lonnie Childs

Introducing the STOP Masturbation NOW Anti-Masturbation Strait Jacket®

Introducing the STOP Masturbation NOW Anti-Masturbation Strait Jacket®

When was the last time you imagined your child masturbating? Not a pleasant thought, is it? From the creators of the wildly successful Anti-Masturbation Cross® comes latest in faith-based self-rape prevention technology, the Anti-Masturbation Strait-Jacket®!  Peace of mind is yours when you strap your little one into this miracle of modern […]

by May 4, 2020 135 comments Self-Rape Prevention
A Chilling Glimpse into the Mind of a Self-Rapist

A Chilling Glimpse into the Mind of a Self-Rapist

Please send all women and children out of the room before viewing the image!  

Is Masturbation a Homosexual Act?

Is Masturbation a Homosexual Act?

Friends, as you know, we here at STOP Masturbation NOW ministries are dedicated to educating the world about the dangers of masturbation.  One of the more disturbing faithfacts we have uncovered is that masturbation is a gateway homosexual act that has directly led to the moral decay of this great […]

by April 28, 2020 81 comments Faith Fact Series
You Will Never Climb to Heaven With Your Hands Full of Penis

You Will Never Climb to Heaven With Your Hands Full of Penis

Foolish is the masturbator who thinks he can enter God’s eternal kingdom! It is literally impossible for a self-rapist to ascend the golden rungs of the heavenly ladder if his hands are abusing his sin zones! -Lonnie

by April 7, 2020 13 comments Science
The Dangers of Inappropriate Office Boners (I.O.B.) and How to Stop Them!

The Dangers of Inappropriate Office Boners (I.O.B.) and How to Stop Them!

Have you ever been afflicted by an Inappropriate Office Boner (I.O.B.) at work? It’s an embarrassing condition that can be caused by one of the following three things: too-tight slacks, the tawdry new intern and her suggestive clothing, or thoughts of carpet bombing a foreign nation such as Canada. The […]

Masturbation Mystery Unraveled

Masturbation Mystery Unraveled

Ever wonder what the name of the sportswear company, ADIDAS, stood for? Wonder no more! STOP Masturbation NOW codebreakers have deciphered the seemingly nonsensical word and it appears that the slippery tentacles of Big Masturbation have found yet another way to subliminally influence society into thinking that masturbation is “hip” […]

by March 26, 2020 2 comments Big Masturbation, Morals, Sports
CORONA-19 HOAX

CORONA-19 HOAX

CORONA-19 is a nefarious global plot by Big Masturbation to quarantine everyone indoors with nothing else to do all day but play with their sin zones! TRUMP made America Great Again® but the socialist DEMONcrats want to make America ‘Bate Again! Don’t let Satan and his evil minions win! STOP […]

by March 19, 2020 17 comments Big Masturbation
CORONA-19 VIRUSARS FAITHFACTS

CORONA-19 VIRUSARS FAITHFACTS

Regarding the CORONA-19 VIRUSARS; you cannot trust the LIEberal scLIEnce that is being peddled by the fake news media! Trust in Lonnie, trust in Jesus, and trust in the Faithfacts laid forth in this memer. God bless some of you! Lonnie

by March 16, 2020 2 comments Science
Good Guy Pat Sajak

Good Guy Pat Sajak

by March 14, 2020 3 comments Celebrity, Disciples, Morals, Trending
Parents Who Masturbate Have Children Who Masturbate

Parents Who Masturbate Have Children Who Masturbate

Please think of your kids the next time you touch yourself.   God bless some of you!   -Lonnie Childs

by February 21, 2020 2 comments Family Values
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