Articles by: Milton Grits
WEST PALM BEACH, FLA. – If you were born after 1980 you’ve probably never seen this device before, and you likely don’t even know what it was used for. But if you were born in the age of self-control, you’re parents may have made you wear this, and if so, […]
LIBERLAND, EUROPE – Europe’s newest country, the tiny nation of Liberland, was heralded into existence earlier this week. The new nation-state, situated on the banks of the Danube River on a strip of land between Croatia and Serbia, was created by Normal European citizens looking to escape the high tax […]
LOS ANGELES, CALIF. — Leonard Nimoy, the sonorous, gaunt-faced actor who won a worshipful global following as Dr. Spock, the resolutely logical human-alien first officer of the Starship Enterprise in “The Star Trek” television and movie franchise, died on Friday morning at his home in the Bel Air section of […]
PHOENIX, ARIZ. — In a fiery press conference, Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio angrily defended the arrest of Pastor Lonnie Childs at his mobile soup kitchen outside a Phoenix homeless shelter. On Saturday evening, the Christian pastor was charged by Sheriff’s deputies with violating a recently enacted law prohibiting food-sharing operations […]
SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Pending the announcement of the grand jury verdict in Ferguson, Mo. clearing Officer Darren Wilson of wrongdoing in the shooting of robbery suspect Michael Brown, angry protesters vowed to take their rage to the streets regardless of the decision. With racial tensions flaring anew, Childs urged the […]
HBO actress and writer Lena Dunham is catching a firestorm of criticism after bloggers have called attention to a number of shocking revelations in her book, Not That Kind of Girly. In the book, Dunham talks about her privileged upbringing and her ultra-rich left-wing artist parents, growing up in a […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Disgraced U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder, the nation’s so-called “top cop” and chief legal adviser to President Barack Obama, has announced his imminent resignation as new revelations about the Justice Department’s secretive Operation Fap and Furious come to light. It has been learned that the covert program, […]
KEY LARGO, FLA. — For those serious about taking their physical, emotional and spiritual health back into their own hands, here are seven great things you can expect after quitting masturbation once and for all. 1. Increased self-confidence. Since masturbation results in self-doubt, self-loathing and general disorientation, your focus as […]
SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Did you know Stop Masturbation Now Ministries Inc. is GIVING AWAY a fully semi-automatic AR-15 assault rifle? Yes! For a limited time, you can enter the official SMN Rifle Raffle to win a brand new high-tech tactical Armalite AR assault gun! This Colt AK-15 assault submachine rifle […]
BOCA RATON, FLA. — As everyone knows, masturbators are almost always depressed, socially retarded shut-ins. Their world consists of fixating on distasteful online pornographies flooding the Internet and beating their own privates to a pulp. Since their lives revolve around the one sinful act of Onanism, other aspects such as faith, family, […]
