Fappy

Save Not Shame! It’s what Lonnie Would Do.

Save Not Shame! It’s what Lonnie Would Do.

EDITORIAL (SMNNN) During these tumultuous times, vicious rumors, and terrible evil seem to have befallen us all, which, is no doubt, the fault of masturbators ruining the Earth as the make themselves pawns to the sick, evil, plans of Satan. But recently, we have all had to make sacrifices, and […]

by November 17, 2015 1 comment Compound News, Fappy, King Lonald Holy Bible, Lonnie Childs
Paul Horner aka Fappy the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin MUST GO NOW

Paul Horner aka Fappy the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin MUST GO NOW

The grumblings have going on for some time among the Stop Masturbation NOW elders and I in good conscience must come out and say: Paul Horner aka Fappy the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin MUST GO NOW! The man is a disgrace to Brother Lonnie’s outreach efforts to poor and disenfranchised children who […]

Christian Anti-Masturbation’s Mascot Arrested For Public Masturbation After Accepting Award

Christian Anti-Masturbation’s Mascot Arrested For Public Masturbation After Accepting Award

Tybee Island, GA — In an ironic twist of a fate, a mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation group was arrested yesterday for masturbating in public. The mascot along with his organization, Stop Masturbation Now, recently finished a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour which they claim focused on educating both […]

by February 10, 2015 4 comments Fappy
Mom Calls 911 On Masturbating Teenage Son; Boy Arrested, Charged With New ‘Self-Rape’ State Law

Mom Calls 911 On Masturbating Teenage Son; Boy Arrested, Charged With New ‘Self-Rape’ State Law

Phoenix, AZ — A Phoenix boy is behind bars tonight after his mother called 9-1-1 when she found her son in his room, watching pornography and masturbating. Phoenix Police were quick to respond, arresting 15-year-old Paul Horner, who attends North Valley High School in Phoenix, Arizona. Now the teenager is […]

by November 25, 2014 25 comments Fappy
2014 Fappy Award for Best Sports Radio Show Goes to Dan Le Batard

2014 Fappy Award for Best Sports Radio Show Goes to Dan Le Batard

(Stop Masturbation Now)—Free and open radio is an often overlooked part of Americana, a thing that makes America better than its socialist neighbors. However, even in today’s liberal culture, occasionally a radio program rises above the rest to shine. Today we would like to honor the Dan Le Batard show […]

by October 22, 2014 0 comments Fappy, Morals, Sports
Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin To Star In The Big Lebowski 2 Which Begins Filming In January 2015

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin To Star In The Big Lebowski 2 Which Begins Filming In January 2015

Hollywood, CA — Exciting news for Big Lebowski fans around the world as a sequel to the cult classic has just been announced. Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, directors of the first Lebowski movie, confirmed with E! Online they will both be returning to direct the sequel. “We’re thrilled to […]

by October 10, 2014 4 comments Fappy, Lonnie Childs
Faith and Drug Adminstration (FDA) Approves New Masturbation Cessation Aid Masturbutrin®!

Faith and Drug Adminstration (FDA) Approves New Masturbation Cessation Aid Masturbutrin®!

In the race to end masturbation, medical interventions are nothing new, but then again neither are male enhancement drugs such as this https://www.vigrx.com/products/vigrx-organic-bio-maca/ and many others. Since the late 1930s, electroconvulsive therapy has been a mainstay of practitioners who love righteousness and hate sin (Shalavin, 2013). But homogays and masturbators […]

Christian Anti-Masturbation Group Sues Other Christian Anti-Masturbation Group For $350 Million Claiming Trademark Infringement

Christian Anti-Masturbation Group Sues Other Christian Anti-Masturbation Group For $350 Million Claiming Trademark Infringement

Creve Coeur, MO — A federally funded Christian anti-masturbation organization claims that another federally funded Christian anti-masturbation organization has violated their intellectual property and is now suing for millions. Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and their parent organization Stop Masturbation Now have accused Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Shark of using the same […]

by August 6, 2014 14 comments Fappy, Money
A young girl gets her first taste of Fappy outside of a grocery store in Safford, AZ

“A Team Effort to Stop Self-Rape!”

For Immediate Release – (Safford, AZ) – In 2015, efforts to educate parents and young girls on the dangers of self-rape will take a giant leap forward. Teaming up with the Girl Scouts of the USA, Fappy the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin will become the “unofficial mascot” for Girl Scout Cookies. Sponsored […]

by July 16, 2014 9 comments Disciples, Fappy, Morals, Self-Rape Prevention
Real Fappy is coming soon!

Monsanto and B.L.U.F.F To Create Actual Fappy Mascot

SAFFORD-ARIZONA (SMNNN) Brother Dr. Skippy Enis, B.L.U.F.F liaison to Monsanto Company announced today that the huge multi-national poison, tasty food, and G.M.O, super corporation, has begun production of the first human/dolphin chimera. Says Dr. Enis, ” Brother Lonnie Childs himself, and his personal attache Doug Pinnick, have been in talks […]

by July 10, 2014 9 comments Disciples, Fappy, Money, Morals, Trending
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