Self-Rape Prevention

Prostate Cancer And Other Masturbation Related Diseases

Prostate Cancer And Other Masturbation Related Diseases

MASTURBATION IS A TOP TEN CAUSES OF DISEASE Aches, Heart Disease, Paralysis and Suicide: When sexual organs are handled it causes a rush of blood to these parts, and causes oxygen depletion in other organs of the body, because they are left with a less amount of blood than they […]

From supreme gentlemen to masturarchy supremacist all in a matter of months! #Yesallmasturbatorsrape

[Opinion]: Anti-Masturbation Is the Only Logical Stance for Feminists to Take on the Issue of Self-Rape

It is not often that the shrill caterwauling of the socially destructive feminist movement could ever be considered to hold something in common with socially responsible Christian conservatism, yet on the subject of self-rape we really should be natural bedfellows [figuratively speaking, of course]. You see, the group that masturbation […]

Introducing the STOP Masturbation NOW Anti-Masturbation Strait Jacket®

Introducing the STOP Masturbation NOW Anti-Masturbation Strait Jacket®

When was the last time you imagined your child masturbating? Not a pleasant thought, is it? From the creators of the wildly successful Anti-Masturbation Cross® comes latest in faith-based self-rape prevention technology, the Anti-Masturbation Strait-Jacket®!  Peace of mind is yours when you strap your little one into this miracle of modern […]

by May 4, 2020 135 comments Self-Rape Prevention
The Dangers of Inappropriate Office Boners (I.O.B.) and How to Stop Them!

The Dangers of Inappropriate Office Boners (I.O.B.) and How to Stop Them!

Have you ever been afflicted by an Inappropriate Office Boner (I.O.B.) at work? It’s an embarrassing condition that can be caused by one of the following three things: too-tight slacks, the tawdry new intern and her suggestive clothing, or thoughts of carpet bombing a foreign nation such as Canada. The […]

Shameful Dad Walks in on His Daughter Masturbating and Does Nothing to Help Her!

Shameful Dad Walks in on His Daughter Masturbating and Does Nothing to Help Her!

By Nigel J. Covington III Sex Expert October 17, 2018 Dear Nigel, I walked in on my daughter when she was masturbating the other day. I was shocked, but I said nothing — I simply left the room. I have not discussed this with her or with my wife since. […]

83 Signs Your Underage Daughter is a Harlot

83 Signs Your Underage Daughter is a Harlot

[Special thanks to Larry Thomas for his contribution to this sacred undertaking] Ever wondered if your daughter was a harlot? There are obvious signs, like if she watches some of the hot videos on watchmygirlfriend regularly. But now you can know for sure! According to recently updated BDSM-5 (Biblical Diagnostics […]

Paul Horner aka Fappy the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin MUST GO NOW

Paul Horner aka Fappy the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin MUST GO NOW

The grumblings have going on for some time among the Stop Masturbation NOW elders and I in good conscience must come out and say: Paul Horner aka Fappy the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin MUST GO NOW! The man is a disgrace to Brother Lonnie’s outreach efforts to poor and disenfranchised children who […]

Top Five Self-Rape Detterents

Top Five Self-Rape Detterents

B.L.U.F.F RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT, SAFFORD AZ (SMNNN) Even though the STOP masturbation NOW Ministries are busy fighting heathens, non-Normals, heretics, Big Masturbation, and Common sLIEnce, we can’t be there to help everyone beat off Satan all the time. As such, we have devoted a huge amount of resources and over […]

by November 13, 2015 6 comments Lonnie Childs, Self-Rape Prevention
Won’t You Please Help?

Won’t You Please Help?

For immediate release: “My brothers and sisters…I, Lonald “Lonnie” Childs, having fought the scourge of masturbation for decades now must come to you in our most desperate hour.  The 30% tithe of their gross income that my followers pay has in the past been sufficient to fund my ministry and […]

Clearly, I mean, really (vomits)

Bananas: Satan’s Fruit

NATURE- SMNNN Throughout nature, we at B.L.U.F.F and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow have found a plethora of disgusting natural objects that codify self-rape, but perhaps none is so blatantly obviously created to be a foul dingus as that demonic penis-resembling fruit: the banana. THE AGENDA The agenda of […]

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