Supernatural Disaster

Texas maybe? Or Burbank? Or ANYWHERE! Thanks Masturbation!

Is Masturbation Destroying The Climate?

SAFFORD AZ (SMNNN) A chilling result of a study, released by Brother Lonnie’s University of Faithfacts, and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, entitled: “Masturbation Residue And It’s Effects On The Global Climate “ outlines the direct impact of the masturbator and it’s filth, on the peaceful, God-fearing innocent peoples […]

by January 6, 2016 37 comments Science, Supernatural Disaster, Weather, World
Saint-Shaming is NOT Okay

Saint-Shaming is NOT Okay

Once upon a time, our white-male-cis-hetero Forefathers were instructed by God to construct a vessel of righteousness and flee the wicked and perverse generation of the Church of England. Anglicans had legalized marijuana and masturbation, thereby ushering in the long decline of Western civilization. The Puritans and/or Pilgrims sought to […]

Rain in Washington D.C. Thought To Be God’s Tears Following Landmark Decision To Allow Gay Marriage

Rain in Washington D.C. Thought To Be God’s Tears Following Landmark Decision To Allow Gay Marriage

SMNNN (WASHINGTON D.C.) Weather.com reports rain and thunderstorms in the Washington D.C. today, following the landmark decision by the Supreme Court to recognize gay homosex marriage and queerosexual unions, and to disobey the Lord and his holy wishes, ultimately ushering in the Rapture, signifying the beginning of the end of […]

Top Five Cultures To Go Extinct From Masturbation

Top Five Cultures To Go Extinct From Masturbation

HISTORY-SMNNN Throughout the 8,400 years man and the entire world has existed, many nations rose from self-sin, and shamed creation, and rightfully so, became extinct. Here is a list of the top five cultures of people to extinct from masturbation: 5) SOME CHINESERS China, largest nation in the Ornament, is […]

by May 20, 2015 10 comments History, Supernatural Disaster, Uncategorized
(image source: turydddu @ Flickr, retouched by JovanCormac ([2]) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons)

19-Year-Old Girl Drowns Masturbating In Shower

19-Year-Old Becky Hawkins of Pink Hill, North Carolina met the same fate that befalls 100% of all masturbators when she died committing the sin of self-rape in her shower. Hawkins, overcome by the throes of committing a deviant act with a removable showerhead, was found dead by her roommate, Jack […]

Top Five Animals In Danger Of Extinction Due To Masturbation

Top Five Animals In Danger Of Extinction Due To Masturbation

THE ENVIRONMENT- (SMNNN) Masturbation, and the dreaded Masturbation Residue Film Particles (MRFPs) endanger all living things, but some animal and species are in danger of going the way of the Great Normal Rhinoceros and the giraffe, and becoming extinct from masturbation. Here is a list of the most endangered animals: […]

by November 17, 2014 6 comments Death, Science, Supernatural Disaster, World
Pre-Coming Of The Apocalypse May Have Already Begun

Pre-Coming Of The Apocalypse May Have Already Begun

WATERBURY CT- (SMNNN) The End of Days maybe be upon us all, thus ringing in the beginning of the Rapture, and it all centers on one small city in the forgotten state of Connecticut. Waterbury CT, a small and once-cursed by Native Tee-Pee and Wigwam Indians to be an uninhabitable […]

Top Five Animals To Go Extinct From Masturbation

Top Five Animals To Go Extinct From Masturbation

NATURAL HISTORY-(SMNNN) Throughout the approximately 8,500 years the world has existed, many animals have gone extinct, but only a few notable animals have gone extinct from masturbation. Here’s a list of the top five: 1) The Tasmanian Tiger. The thylacine was the first large cat to go extinct from masturbation […]

by November 8, 2014 27 comments Animals, History, Supernatural Disaster
Inanimate Object Rape Intesifies as EbolAIDS Becomes Airborne

Inanimate Object Rape Intesifies as EbolAIDS Becomes Airborne

SEATTLE WA/ WALPOLE MA- (SMNNN) Faithscientists suspect EbolAIDS, the most dangerous masturbation-spread and homogayest of diseases, has possibly become airborne, as they predicted it would, following two cases of inanimate object rape, a sexual act so disgusting it would require one to be in the fatal stages of the Airborne […]

MRFP at 100X magnifications

EbolAIDS Outbreak Begins

The Gulf Region USA- Somewhere in Africa or maybe Asia- (SMNNN) Officials at B.L.U.F.F. microorganism/viral weaponry division, and the at least one capable person at The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, have declared the the dreaded homogay-induced virus Bad AIDS has mutated, and become the gay upon the proven masturbatory […]

by October 10, 2014 15 comments Animals, Science, Supernatural Disaster, World
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