World

Turkish soldiers are seen on the Asian side of Istanbul, Friday, July 15, 2016. A group within Turkey's military has engaged in what appeared to be an attempted coup, the prime minister said, with military jets flying over the capital and reports of vehicles blocking two major bridges in Istanbul. Prime Minister Binali Yildirim told NTV television: "it is correct that there was an attempt," when asked if there was a coup. (AP Photo/Emrah Gurel)

Anti Masturbation Group Leads Coup to Fix Turkey

(StopmasturbationNOW)— Turkeys days as the “Masturbation Capital of the Black Sea” are almost over. A anti masturbation advocate and follower of Lonnie Childs has led a military coup in Turkey.   SMN founder and leader Lonnie Childs released the following statement. “Our friends in the Turkish military have taken over […]

by July 15, 2016 3 comments World
Texas maybe? Or Burbank? Or ANYWHERE! Thanks Masturbation!

Is Masturbation Destroying The Climate?

SAFFORD AZ (SMNNN) A chilling result of a study, released by Brother Lonnie’s University of Faithfacts, and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, entitled: “Masturbation Residue And It’s Effects On The Global Climate “ outlines the direct impact of the masturbator and it’s filth, on the peaceful, God-fearing innocent peoples […]

by January 6, 2016 37 comments Science, Supernatural Disaster, Weather, World
Fappy Sentenced To Eight Years Imprisonment

Fappy Sentenced To Eight Years Imprisonment

SAFFORD AZ (SMNNN) Paul Horner, the man inside the Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin furry mascot suit has been sentenced to eight years in federal prison following his arrest for accosting sea-animals at Sea World aquarium. Saul Reubenstein, Horner’s attorney says they tried really hard, but the evidence against Paul Horner […]

by December 2, 2015 9 comments Celebrity, Compound News, Crime, Trending, World
Brother Lonnie Childs Declares The Ten Commandments Now The Eleven Commandments

Brother Lonnie Childs Declares The Ten Commandments Now The Eleven Commandments

B.L.U.F.F CAMPOUND, SAFFORD AZ (SMNNN) Brother Lonnie Childs revealed today, that God himself, in all his Godly splendor and wisdom, decreed unto Brother Lonnie the command to augment the traditional Ten Commandments, and replace them throughout the Christian world with the New Eleven Commandments. The Eleven Commandments remain largely unchanged […]

by November 18, 2015 3 comments History, Lonnie Childs, Morals, Premier, Trending, World
Saint-Shaming is NOT Okay

Saint-Shaming is NOT Okay

Once upon a time, our white-male-cis-hetero Forefathers were instructed by God to construct a vessel of righteousness and flee the wicked and perverse generation of the Church of England. Anglicans had legalized marijuana and masturbation, thereby ushering in the long decline of Western civilization. The Puritans and/or Pilgrims sought to […]

B.L.U.F.F. Safford Campus Announces Big Game Safari to Zimbabwe

B.L.U.F.F. Safford Campus Announces Big Game Safari to Zimbabwe

Safford, Arizona – Brother Lonnie’s University of FaithFacts (B.L.U.F.F.) has announced a special safari and big game hunting excursion to the African Nation of Zimbabwe. Special Services Recreational Director and long-time B.L.U.F.F. elder Thomas Downey announced the trip during a closed question-and-answer session between the B.L.U.F.F. Eldership and SMN Pledges […]

by July 31, 2015 4 comments Animals, B.L.U.F.F., World
Clearly, I mean, really (vomits)

Bananas: Satan’s Fruit

NATURE- SMNNN Throughout nature, we at B.L.U.F.F and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow have found a plethora of disgusting natural objects that codify self-rape, but perhaps none is so blatantly obviously created to be a foul dingus as that demonic penis-resembling fruit: the banana. THE AGENDA The agenda of […]

screenshot via YouTube/NiseethTV

A World Gone Mad: Indian Women Advocate Masturbation

A horrifying glimpse into the unrestrained masturbation practices of the average lesser gendered member of Indian society was unceremoniously leaked onto the internet a few days ago. The video, an abomination even with its short 2 minute and 39 second run time, features several young, Indian lesser gendereds admitting to […]

by March 21, 2015 3 comments Big Masturbation, World
Mystery Tunnel Proof Majority of Canadians Trying to Flee Into the USA

Mystery Tunnel Proof Majority of Canadians Trying to Flee Into the USA

(StopMasturbationNow)—Canadian SS squads recently uncovered a massive underground tunnel dug near the Pan American games site in the Canadian capital of Toronto. Initially Canadian authorities were baffled at the mysterious tunnel. The mysterious tunnel measured more than 6 feet in height, nearly 3 feet in width and about 33 feet […]

by February 25, 2015 7 comments Foreigners, Politics, World
Top Five Animals In Danger Of Extinction Due To Masturbation

Top Five Animals In Danger Of Extinction Due To Masturbation

THE ENVIRONMENT- (SMNNN) Masturbation, and the dreaded Masturbation Residue Film Particles (MRFPs) endanger all living things, but some animal and species are in danger of going the way of the Great Normal Rhinoceros and the giraffe, and becoming extinct from masturbation. Here is a list of the most endangered animals: […]

by November 17, 2014 6 comments Death, Science, Supernatural Disaster, World
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