Disciples / Morals / Science / Self-Rape Prevention

The Top 5 Things You Need To Tell Your Child About Masturbation

-Safford, AZ

Masturbation is a terrible disease and a depraved, sinful act. The below are critical “tips” for parents of any age. As we know, children may begin to explore their sin zones and masturbating at any age- watch them. Watch them closely. You never know when Satan enters your household and whenever a child masturbates, they do it under the influence of the dark lord- it is not a natural, godly act. In these moments, Lucifer himself is using your child’s hand on him or her self. Masturbation is wrong at any age, but if we teach this to our children early then the chances of them committing this sin later in life are less. Sexual urges should be taken care of with a loving partner, or if that isn’t possible, an escort. The bern escorts are very popular for those who don’t have a partner to sleep with.

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The 5 points below have been submitted to the American Psychological Association (APA) for inclusion in all child anti-masturbation education. Please read them immediately to your children:

  1. Masturbation is a top ten cause of disease. Studies have demonstrated that it causes cancer, the AIDs, and even forms of paralysis
  1. Masturbation is an act of incest. When you masturbate, you are having sex with your own self, your own family and flesh and blood. This is sinful and wrong.
  1. Your body is not your playground. Raping it and forcing it to orgasm is an act of violence that leads to other violence. Many studies demonstrate that self-rape leads to other, serious crime.
  1. Masturbation is an act of Homosexuality, as you are having sex with yourself, a member of your own gender.
  1. Masturbation is a sin. Lonnie Childs has taught us that the Lord does not want us to masturbate and will know if we do. We must abstain and only have procreational relations with our same-race wives.

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Masturbation is no joke. Parents, talk to your children about masturbation and educate them about the dangers of this sinful and demoralizing practice.

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Liam McKey
6 years ago

To elaborate on point 2: masturbation is the worst form of incest. Having sex with a relative is bad because you have similar DNA; however, having sex with yourself means having sex with someone who has the exact same DNA.

Darkblitzfrenzy
Darkblitzfrenzy
6 years ago
Reply to  Liam McKey

So you’re saying that I can detach my own dick from my own body and have anal intercourse with myself? I had no bloody idea that was possible.

Darkblitzfrenzy
Darkblitzfrenzy
6 years ago

The hand is not a sexual organ, thought it may be used to preform sexual acts upon another person it most certainly cannot be used the preform sexual intercourse with one’s self or another person.

Liam McKey
6 years ago

Your ass is not a sexual organ either. It’s part of your digestive system, the last part. Yet, it obviously does not stop you from treating it as a sex organ now does it?

Darkblitzfrenzy
Darkblitzfrenzy
6 years ago

Well Liam, just because one masturbates does not mean that they are having intercourse with themselves. Using the hand to please your partner is one of the things often done before sex. Therefor, it does not count as sexual intercourse.

Ghiff
1 month ago

Which is why it isn’t rape incest or homosexualality

Aurelian
Aurelian
6 years ago

How is it raping yourself? Rape involves sexual penetration against an individual initiated without their consent. Where is the penetration in masturbation? Besides, when you masturbate you are fully consent of achieving an orgasm. Saying “self-rape” is just completely illogical.

Liam McKey
6 years ago
Reply to  Aurelian

Consensual sex requires two or more people to consent. Rape only requires one person (the rapist) to consent.
By masturbating, you are the only one consenting, hence, you are a rapist and you are raping yourself.

Name*
Name*
3 months ago
Reply to  Liam McKey

who else is supposed to consent? how can i rape (me) if (me) consented

Just A Kind Gay
Just A Kind Gay
4 years ago

Ok so I’m gay and female and I find this webpage hilarious. Who’s with me?

Hah
Hah
3 years ago

I’m with you

Lance
Lance
3 years ago

I am!

Emo_Lesbian_Homosexual
5 months ago

As a lesbian, I found this the funniest shit I’ve ever seen. I was legit wheezing.

boi this site sucks
boi this site sucks
5 months ago

bUrN tHe WiTcH!!! ShE iS pOsSesSeD bY tHe DeViL

WTF?!
WTF?!
4 months ago

I discovered this website and couldn’t decide whether they were serious or whether this was satire. Still can’t believe that even one person thinks this is true. The longer I think about it, the less funny it becomes…

Bisexual Heathen
Bisexual Heathen
2 months ago

Yup. This is hilarious.

Alex
Alex
3 months ago

Goddamn you’re stupid

Laura Schmitt
Laura Schmitt
4 years ago

*AHEM* clearly you need some clarification on how sex and DNA work. I’m Laura Schmitt and i major in Biological Science . Humans are SEXUALLY reproductive. Meaning sex cells are created by mitosis, rather than ASEXUAL reproduction which never changes the amount of chromosomes. When human sex cells are created only HALF of the chromosomes out of the original 12 are copied over unto centrosomes, thus when they meet female sex cells (also with 6 chromosomes) they combine to create a FETUS. This is the Ultimate goal of sex. It is biologically IMPOSSIBLE to achieve the ultimate goal of sexual… Read more »

Tom
Tom
4 years ago
Reply to  Laura Schmitt

Hunny, we have 46 chromosomes.

Delete this website
Delete this website
4 years ago
Reply to  Tom

The logic still applies.

Bisexual Heathen
Bisexual Heathen
2 months ago
Reply to  Tom

We have 26. Each gamete (a sperm or egg cell) has 13 chromosomes each. Nice try.

godlovesporn
godlovesporn
6 years ago
Reply to  Liam McKey

Do you even know who is on that picture of yours? Lemmy,the motherfucking ROCK N ROLL legend of the band MOTORHEAD,HE’S FUCKED more girls than the pope fucked little boys,and he also jerks off i presume and loves to drink smoke and do cocaine,ROCK N ROLL

callum
callum
6 years ago
Reply to  Liam McKey

you lot are full off it, racist, disgusting pigs who make a ridicule out of your self, nothing wrong with masterbation it is scientifically proven to have extreme benefits towards your health and your stress levels, if you chose not to do it, fair enough but to tell children it is wrong is a controlling, power hungry way to approach the situation. Free world, do as we please for a bettter quality of life for ourselves!! makes me sick to my stomach.

Billybob
Billybob
6 years ago
Reply to  callum

You are very naive

Delete this website
Delete this website
4 years ago
Reply to  Billybob

You are very stupid

Jake Fong
Jake Fong
6 years ago
Reply to  Liam McKey

I am against masturbation, but this is rediculous! What does DNA or consent have to do with the basic reason to not masturbate? Don’t you know its wrong because your body starts craving more production of reproductive chemicals as it emits them wastefully?
Are you just ignoring the fact that “drives” get perverted as masturbation increases?
Wake up, and talk sensible! Your own DNA and self rape etc. is stretching for logic. Come on, Liam, you must be smarter than that, and I respect the fact that you quit, I hope.
Jay Norman

dave d
dave d
6 years ago
Reply to  Jake Fong

Dude you got punked. This website is designed specifically to mock people like you. Congratulations. smh

@ThatMetalKid14
6 years ago
Reply to  Liam McKey

this site is full of dumbasses

ASmith337
4 years ago

I cannot stop laughing
whilst masturbating, of course

boi this site sucks
boi this site sucks
5 months ago
Reply to  ASmith337

keep it up my man

meh
meh
6 years ago
Reply to  Liam McKey

DNA is science, science is against god. You just admitted you hate god!

Ashley
Ashley
3 years ago
Reply to  meh

God created our world and everything in it. So therefore god also created science, which is ultimatly the bases of creation. So to say that satan created science is completly wrong!!!!! Read a book!!!!

Hannah Dyson
Hannah Dyson
3 years ago
Reply to  meh

I do not hate any deity but I belive scince is superior in this topic show me one verse of scripture that say masturbation is a sin.

Respect others :)
Respect others :)
3 months ago
Reply to  meh

While i respect your beliefs, it’s important to keep in mind that not everyone around you may believe in god, and not everyone has the same beliefs as you. Okay then, carry on 🙂

Ghiff
1 month ago
Reply to  Liam McKey

So your saying if I duck myself I can get pregnant ?

TheRev Leroy Jenkins
6 years ago

The only thing I need to know about child masturbation is that it is a SIN. That is why I encourage all masturbaters to the of the children when they masturbate.
God Bless,
TheRev

Darkblitzfrenzy
Darkblitzfrenzy
6 years ago

Why would I think of children when I’m masturbating? That is something that only a sick and perverted pedophile would do.

Liam McKey
6 years ago

Children are innocent. Thinking of them and there innocence will cause the Masturbator to feel shame.

Ghiff
1 month ago
Reply to  Liam McKey

Nah they will probably just develope attraction to them

mike austin
mike austin
4 years ago

Or Catholic,olp! never mind

Blythe
Blythe
6 years ago

‘The AIDS’? Show me a single study that says masturbation causes AIDS. Lol. It’s religion or science here folks, you can’t make up facts just because the real ones dont line up to your message.

Aurelian
Aurelian
6 years ago

How is it “fact”? What studies are you referring to? Is it possible to at least know what so-called “studies” are you referring to?

It is your right not to masturbate, and if you believe that masturbation is a sin then so be it. But by carelessly spouting false information and “studies” that don’t exist, you are only hurting your own cause. What will happen once your child finds out that he’s been lied to about masturbation?

Bones
Bones
6 years ago

First off, “bad AIDS”??? Totally BS. Second off, “FaithFacts”??? Please. There is either fact, you know, science, or fiction, the Bible.

Billybob
Billybob
6 years ago
Reply to  Bones

You are an idiot

Faithgasming
Faithgasming
6 years ago
Reply to  Bones

Isn’t it science fiction? Faithfacts are the only true and complete form of facts.

Splam
Splam
6 years ago

You do realise that adding ‘faith’ to something doesn’t make it true? And creating a ridiculous portmanteau out of ‘science’ and ‘lie’ doesn’t make something false. Please post a scientific paper from an organisation that doesn’t sound like it’s been dreamt up by someone who still believes in unicorns. Please also describe what ‘the bad AIDS’ is and, for reference, what ‘the good AIDS’ is.

Billybob
Billybob
6 years ago
Reply to  Splam

I feel sorry for you. You are being naive about what this site really ks

Mallycat
Mallycat
6 years ago

What you believe sir, is called pseudoscience. It’s obvious that you haven’t picked up any book other than that fictional book you enjoy called the bible. Why don’t you go into a book-store or library, and actually read something. In actuality, read something that wasn’t written nearly 2000 years ago, and based off of primitive applications of life. Go fuck yourself, oh wait… lol

NothingWrongWithMasturbationAtAll

This is fucking ridiculous. Legit masturbation is just taking ur hand and stroking ur fucking cock and making yourself feel good. Nothing wrong with that

Emo_Lesbian_Homosexual
5 months ago

stfu Those are not scientifically proven you dumbass. what else, the earth is flat? Oh, do vaccines cause autism too, Karen?

Ghiff
1 month ago
Reply to  Blythe

These people make up fee own science

steve
steve
6 years ago

I thought this site was a fraud, like some trolls wet dream. But alas, its a real site. Thanks duncan 🙂 I am laughing…. because thats all I can really do. Self rape …. hahahahahaha … hahahahahaha. .. I can’t believe you people ahaahahahahana

u dumb
u dumb
6 years ago

Please, it turns me on when you sit there and watch me fuck my own pussy. Don’t come on here and act like you’re a saint.

Jake Fong
Jake Fong
6 years ago

what does pray “at” you mean?

Ghiff
1 month ago
Reply to  Jake Fong

It means he is attacking you with prayer, weird I know

Mitch
Mitch
6 years ago
Reply to  steve

Are you sure? Pretty sure it’s a massive troll. Hilarious anyway, thanks for the laugh

Bishop Smith
Bishop Smith
6 years ago
Reply to  steve

Steve, I pray AT you.

Blythe
Blythe
6 years ago

It causes the bad AIDS? I’m sorry I didnt know there was more than one kind. Do you understand how HIV/AIDS works? Doesn’t sound like it. Jeez next you’ll try to tell me women get pregnant by wishing reeeeally hard and stubbing my toe is assault on myself haha

Liam McKey
6 years ago
Reply to  Blythe

There are two types of AIDS. The bad AIDS will kill you. The good AIDS, like what Magic Johnson has, are harmless.

Blythe
Blythe
6 years ago
Reply to  Liam McKey

No, there is HIV which progressed to AIDS over time. And most people don’t die of the disease itself, but rather a complication or infection that is fatal only because of the weakened immune system. And Magic Johnson is a celebrity. He can pay for enough antivirals and treatments to live to 100. His HIV isn’t ‘better’ than anyone elses.

ridiculous
ridiculous
6 years ago
Reply to  Liam McKey

So you saying the virus is dormant on my hand…. yes AIDS is a virus, and every time I rub one off it gets transmitted through my genitals………….baaaa haha hahaha you joking right? Can you post the references, just so I can get my head around with what you are trying to say and share it at the AIDS convention in Melbourne, they’ll be interested in this or it would make a good comic sketch.

Jake Fong
Jake Fong
6 years ago
Reply to  Liam McKey

Good aids? Are you serious? Majic Johnson has good aids? Really? Is that why he said to “put a cap on your johnson” when you commit adultery and fornication? So you can go on The Tonight Show and admit you have “good” aids? Hello?

Blythe
Blythe
6 years ago

Also, you expect us to believe that an organization with only 280 likes on Facebook and no real website to speak of can afford a multi-million dollar study on anything? PLEASE.

Splam
Splam
6 years ago

It all makes sense now! You’re of the “eww, icky, get it away from me!” school of bigots. Obviously if something doesn’t appeal to you it’s abhorrent and the person performing the act needs to be told they’re going to hell because how else are you going to control the private lives of people you’ve never met without looking like a ridiculous busybody?!

blah5550121
6 years ago

kill yourself please.

Sesame street
Sesame street
3 years ago
Reply to  blah5550121

You may not believe in this website or others beliefs..but NEVER tell anyone to kill themselves.

Ghiff
1 month ago
Reply to  Sesame street

No I think this is an exception this dude shouldn’t exist

24
24
4 years ago

Hello I study the anatomical Human Chemical composition

Cortisol is a steroid hormone, in the glucocorticoid class of hormones, and is produced in humans by the zona fasciculata of the adrenal cortex within the adrenal gland.[1] It is released in response to stress and low blood-glucose concentration. It has no relation to masturbation :0

Kari
Kari
6 years ago

This site has to be a joke. A little self love is actually healthy for humans. Many species have been known to have similar practices. I just cant believe this website is real. I don’t think it is. Maybe I dont want to believe people can be this dumb.

Jasper Centaur
Jasper Centaur
6 years ago

Brother Leonard, your preaching brings a tear to my eye! Way to put that lonely self-raper in her place! Praise!

Bones
Bones
6 years ago

Cortisol is released during times of low blood sugar to increase glucose levels in your body, and has nothing to do with sexual actiivities.

Do you fricking research every once in a while before you lie to more people.

Splam
Splam
6 years ago

Fact: most domestic violence begins with an air breather who is out of control.

mike austin
mike austin
4 years ago

I’ll stop masterbaiting when I kill someone, maybe.

Ghiff
1 month ago

Hey cracker mother ducker come back and tell me that after you study real science not make believe faith facts that not even your holy bible mentions

Liam McKey
6 years ago

One thing that was left out of this article, which we must teach our children, is to report all people (children and adults) who the child suspects of masturbation.

Noxoulilidoudadidadadou
Noxoulilidoudadidadadou
6 years ago
Reply to  Liam McKey

Like you want your children to become some special dick agent ? Seriously leave the kids alone with this ! 0_o I’m sure you will also want the NSA to use webcam and find the cock-sinners. X)

John Colt
John Colt
6 years ago

That is a very good idea, but, unfortunately, illegal in most countries. If we did not have that pro-homo nigger as our president, maybe we might have made some progress into stopping children and adults alike from self-juicing.

Ghiff
1 month ago

Doesn’t this make sex illegal?

Ghiff
1 month ago
Reply to  Liam McKey

As a child I say I like to cum

Jim Nanne
Jim Nanne
6 years ago

hahahaha every part of this website is the most fucked thing i have ever seen. let me guess, southern bible belt racist piece of shit americans? ya that sounds about right. Liam Mckey, go kill yourself man you are the worst type of person this world has and will ever see u racist, bigot, homophobic less than human waste of life. God isn’t real if you haven’t noticed and this garbage smut you procure from the less than 95 IQ brain that you most definitely encapsulate in that head of yours… o man, i pity your kind. btw read a… Read more »

Agustin Arias
Agustin Arias
6 years ago

Are you actually calling science a lie ? When your whole belief is founded in a dogma ? When you actually believe in a God , who is a cosmic jew who was conceived by no one , and he actually is his own father ?

Man , you’ve just gave the hipocresy a degree
I think we all should pray for you

mike austin
mike austin
4 years ago

Could you please repeat that Leonard, I was masterbaiting?

Jim Nanne
Jim Nanne
6 years ago

btw, i just jerked off to some big titted blondes licking each others pussy’s and it was great 😉

Jim Nanne
Jim Nanne
6 years ago

sorry each others pussy* that was grammatically incorrect, my bad

Jim Nanne
Jim Nanne
6 years ago

o shit i just read leonards point about how masturbation causes the “bad AIDS” hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha excuse me. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha wow there’s stupid liars and then there’s you. There’s one type of AIDS you fucking retard and it kills. Magic Johnson doesn’t have “good AIDS” he has money you dumbass and the advanced form of faithfacts? as opposed to science which has a little thing i like to called evidence, you know real facts, not some stupid fucking made up word wow ignorance must be bliss Liam and Leonard, hmmmm that sounds like a good couples name, u guys should hook up… Read more »

Jasper Centaur
Jasper Centaur
6 years ago

Mr. Nanne has “Nanne” chance in hell to make it to heaven! I’m confident he is a self-raper!

Confused
Confused
6 years ago

Hey, you told Blythe that “The Foundation for a Better Tomorrow has done extensive research on the dangers of masturbation, and there is a more advanced form of fact called “FaithFacts”. Now, I am not attacking you, I really just want to understand, seriously. If we accept that a fact by definition is 100% true, are you implying that you can add objective truth to a statement by having a strong enough belief? Doesn’t rape imply that non-consensual sexual acts, while jerking off is typically a self-administered act? Does the APA have anti-masturbatory literature, and where do I find their… Read more »

The chronic masturbator
The chronic masturbator
6 years ago
Reply to  Confused

FaithFacts is like carfax

Jim Nanne
Jim Nanne
6 years ago

ok leonard, first, masturbation is not a sin, where in the bible (and yes, i’ve read the bible) does it specifically say that masturbation is a sin? if you’re following your beloved ten commandments then i’m pretty sure, nay, positive that it does not. Btw “confused” there is no APA literature on anti-masturbation, these two assholes you read before you are lying pathetic people that are afraid of their own NATURAL human desires. an orgasm is a pleasure filled beautiful feeling that (if there is a god) wouldn’t give us this elated sensation if he/she didn’t want us to enjoy… Read more »

Maggie
Maggie
6 years ago

I love to self rape myself. I try to do it at least once a day (:

Jim Nanne
Jim Nanne
6 years ago

cheers Maggie!!!!

Ludovic
Ludovic
6 years ago

There are so many things wrong with this article. Honestly, have you made ANY research about masturbation before writing this joke for an article? 1.Masturbation is a top ten cause of disease. Studies have demonstrated that it causes cancer, the AIDs, and even forms of paralysis No. Masurbation does NOT cause ANY of these diseases. How would it cause “the AIDS”? How would it cause cancer? And paralysis??? What is wrong with you? It’s one thing to be against masturbation and another to just outright LIE about it. I’d like to know where you get these evidences from. The myth… Read more »

Blythe
Blythe
6 years ago

There is not a single verse in the bible defaming or condemning masturbation. Beat that.

Jim Nanne
Jim Nanne
6 years ago

btw dolphins do it, so get the fuck over thinking it’s just a human act ya dumb cunts. THAT’S fuckin “sLIEnce” you dumb fuck, Leonard

Bono Reznor
Bono Reznor
6 years ago

Don’t let all of these masturhaters get you down, Dr. Chimball. Masturbation Disease Denial (MDD syndrome) can sometimes be the first psychological change that happens to a masturhater in their long path to salvation. Praise on high, brother!

Jim Nanne
Jim Nanne
6 years ago

holy fuck the fact that u guys try to blend scientific terms with religion is appalling. there is no actual acronym for MDD that is made up by, i’m sorry, laugh out fucking loud, “Bono Reznor”. why do all of u try to make up things that aren’t actually real? it’s pathetic and juvenile, and it actually makes me laugh. as a university and masters graduate its just humorous that u try so hard to believe in something that just isn’t true. no it’s just sad 🙁

augustweisz
Admin
6 years ago
Reply to  Jim Nanne

you suck

Bono Reznor
Bono Reznor
6 years ago
Reply to  Jim Nanne

Thanks for your random masturhate Jim Nanny. When Lonnie comes around and collects all of the chosen ones after the great reckoning, your “SciLIEnce” degrees will mean nothing to Him. At least I take comfort knowing that while I must suffer your intolerance to my beliefs while here on Earth, that Lonnie would never select you for the eternal masturbation free paradise that awaits all of us doing His work down here.

Also, *you. Several times.

I’d imagine someone claiming to be so educated would be able to spell the word “you” correctly.

Jacey
Jacey
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

If you are going to correct him for using the vowel “u” instead of spelling the word, you might want to correct who your are addressing. His name is Jim Nanne. Not, Jim Nanny. Furthermore, I see plenty of flaws in both of your comments. Do not try to correct someone else, if your own imperfections in typing are showing. It does not make you stupid, but I do find it rather amusing that the two of your were arguing over grammar and spelling when you both were making mistakes.

Jacey
Jacey
6 years ago
Reply to  Jacey

See, even I made mistakes, but at least I correct it. *you are not your are

Person26
Person26
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

Who the fuck is Lonnie? I wouldnt go with him anywhere, my parents always taught me never to follow strangers… and “Eternal masturbation free Paradise” No Fucking Thank You…

Sir Barnaby Reznor
Sir Barnaby Reznor
6 years ago
Reply to  Jim Nanne

Do you have a problem with my son? It sounds like you have a problem with my son.

Jesus of California
Jesus of California
6 years ago
Reply to  Jim Nanne

Okay. You are a university and masters graduate that is unable to figure out he is being trolled? Also, it’s “you” not u.

augustweisz
Admin
6 years ago

The number one thing parents need to teach their kids about masturbation is that it is wrong!

Person26
Person26
6 years ago
Reply to  augustweisz

No, what parents need to teach their children is that masturbation is NOT wrong but it is also healthy according to a large number of pediatricians. Also, you are an idiot and fake.

Jim Nanne
Jim Nanne
6 years ago

no i know how to write you, i just like to see if you brain dead dumb fucks notice my grammatical incorrections.ahahahahaha keep up the good work 😉

Bono Reznor
Bono Reznor
6 years ago
Reply to  Jim Nanne

I almost didn’t notice this comment since you failed to respond within the thread. Bravo, Netsite Navigator.

Truffle
6 years ago

I have no offspring of my own due to Foetal Masturbation Syndrome, so I have to think of other folks children to prevent myself from self-rape.

Praise!

Person26
Person26
6 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

No, you have no offspring of your own because you molest children in the church… Also, that made up disease does not exist and neither do you

Truffle
6 years ago
Reply to  Person26

You’re very confused, heathen. That’s the first sign of masturbation palsy #FaithFact

Hannah Dyson
Hannah Dyson
3 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

You can’t go and tell people that there wrong when according to your picture you are a cat and your name is Truffle

Jim Nanne
Jim Nanne
6 years ago

thanks bono reznor, u did’nt even spell my name right. my actual last name is Nanne lol when will “Lonnie” come around and deliver me from evil???? lol also saying “u” is shorthand, at least u inbred, whitetrash, racist, bigot, biblefucking “humans” realize that.. don’t try to knock me on my grammar.

actually ya try to cuz thats all ya gots 😉

Lonnie Childs
Admin
6 years ago
Reply to  Jim Nanne

Please come and visit our campus in Safford, AZ. I will personally fill your sin holes with the love of Christ! Praise!

Phil McRutch
Phil McRutch
6 years ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

It doesn’t matter how many sLIEnce degrees a self rapist has, the only truth are FaithFacts from our leader Lonnie. Mr. Nanny shows us that he spends too much time self-raping and has never learned respect for other human beings showing his true foulmouthed nature towards his fellow men, especially if they don’t partake in self-incenstious rape. I pray at him that he will only get the good aids. Praise!

Person26
Person26
6 years ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

“Fill your sin holes with the love of Christ”? Dear god, do you have any idea how sexual and perverted that sounded? You are no prophet, you are a pedophilic individual that needs to be avoided…

Your god isn't real
Your god isn't real
6 years ago

You people who post these articles are 1 of 2 things either you are literally mentally retarded or you are the most successful internet trolls of knowing how to get a rise out of people I’m not quite sure because everything you say is just extremely comical I don’t even know if it could be real just like how your religion isn’t real it’s all just one big made up story all hail ancient aliens!

saintmichael21
saintmichael21
6 years ago

This is why I like stupid people, they know how to make you laugh because of how stupid they really are.

Lonnie Childs
Admin
6 years ago
Reply to  saintmichael21

Agreed, even though most of the masturbators are ignorant and foolish, sometimes it’s fun to laugh out loud online at their stupidity!

Seriously?
Seriously?
6 years ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

You are one of two things.

1. The best troll on the Internet. Hats off to you, then.
2. The biggest lunatic this planet has ever seen

Is this real life?
Is this real life?
6 years ago

I love having some five finger fuck fests with myself.

Brandon
Brandon
6 years ago

It is hilarious how you people think you’re doing so much good in the world, when in reality your hatred and abuse towards those around you is the pure evil that you’re bigoted enough to thing you’re overruling. Not to mention your “facts” are disturbingly moronic. Do you really think your “all loving God” has this much hate? I pity you.

Liam McKey
6 years ago
Reply to  Brandon

Park your lies! We do not abuse ourselves, let alone other people. Fact is, masturbation is not only a form of rape, but it encourages the other sorts of rape that even masturbators fear. This includes: violent rape, gang rape, homogay rape, date rape, financial rape, and rape-cod.

Meow
Meow
6 years ago

I masturbate while Jesus holds my hand … And I like it

Netty
Netty
6 years ago
Reply to  Meow

Can I join? Let’s sing, dance around a campfire, and have a masterbating party 😉

mike austin
mike austin
4 years ago
Reply to  Netty

That’s the Boy Scouts

CR Williams (@CRWilliams00)

What’s all the hoopla about? This page is obviously a joke. “Self Rape”? And AIDS from masturbation? Just how is it that someone is going to contract AIDS as a direct result of Masturbation? This site is clearly a hoax and the people who think this site is serious are very naïve.

Phil McRutch
Phil McRutch
6 years ago

I’m glad that your innocence and naivety does not allow you to see the true danger that self-incest represents to our society. Keeping a child from touching his or her bad parts is of utmost importance for a healthy child development.
Check your FaithFacts, I know a lot of people are visiting this site for laughs, but that is only because their mind is clouded by the diseases described in Lonnie’s scriptures. Use those hands to pray! Hallelujer!

Person26
Person26
6 years ago
Reply to  Phil McRutch

May i remind you that you were born because your mother was penetrated in those bad parts… What exactly does it make a “bad part”? It gives nothing but pleasure so its a good part. Also FaithFacts are nothing but huge stupid lies with absolutelly no physical evidence to back them up, making you and all other idiots who think touching yourself is a bad thing… A really bad thing is trying to convince other people of your stupidity. Also, im a Christian and i believe in God… and i know that God does not use people to prevent masturbation…… Read more »

The truth
6 years ago

Just read this article which is based on actual true fact http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-info/sexuality/masturbation

Person26
Person26
6 years ago
Reply to  The truth

You just burned yourself… here is something taken from that website’s front page: Masturbation is commonly defined as touching one’s own body, including sex organs, for sexual pleasure. Masturbation is a common and safe kind of sex play. Masturbation has many health benefits. For many of us, masturbation is a taboo topic. There are many harmful myths about masturbation that may cause us to feel uncomfortable about it. These myths can cause guilt, shame, and fear. Let’s get the facts straight. Masturbation is a natural and common activity for both women and men. – See more at: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-info/sexuality/masturbation#sthash.lvaC0UVh.dpuf Not only… Read more »

Person26
Person26
6 years ago
Reply to  The truth

People may start masturbating at any time in their lives. Many children begin masturbating as they grow and explore their changing bodies. They often discover early that it feels good to touch their genitals. Children usually begin masturbating long before puberty. Young children do not have sexual fantasies while masturbating, but during adolescence it becomes much more sexual. It’s important for children to learn that masturbating is normal, is not harmful, and will not hurt their bodies. They should also know to seek privacy when masturbating. If you have children, reading about how to talk with your children about sex… Read more »

Somebody
Somebody
6 years ago

There are no health risks with masturbation. Sometimes Masturbation can cause skin irritation but wearing shoes also can cause skin irritation and people still wear shoes

a friend
a friend
6 years ago

Lord I prey for the people who run this website and the people they preaching to and the poor children who have to be miss informed! They don’t know what they do! I prey with all my heart that after seeing this preyer that they will pick up an encyclopedia and study the facts of aids and masturbation! Lord I also prey that they realise the only sin here is their preaching! On a personal note, you guys should look outside your cult and look how other people in the world teach about god, also masturbation is something we all… Read more »

Billybob
Billybob
6 years ago
Reply to  a friend

You are naive

J P
J P
6 years ago

Come on, no one getting here that this a PARODY? Well done the people at Brother Lonnie’s university of faith facts aka “B.L.U.F.F . You get it now? What is interesting though is to see the reaction of people like Jim Nanne who because he is so sure to be on the side of the good guys, the reason guys, the science guys, answers with a first message full of hate, aggression, racism (anti-Americanism at least…) violence etc… But finishes his message with “Peace” because ya know, he’s cool. My first (and second and third ) reaction was like wtf,… Read more »

Tyler
Tyler
6 years ago

I am openly gay man does that mean I’m going to aids oh no you site is a joke and watching you sit there and defend your stuff is funny I thought aids was through sex and I’m having sec with “myself” and I don’t have aids then oh would I get it through the air I mean you guys don’t make any sence and you think your kids aren’t going to masterbate they will see something when they are 12 and be like boing and then do there own thing it’s perfectly natural and great for them to release… Read more »

cain
cain
6 years ago

I wil let my father visite you because the bible say that you may not lie!! Liers are sinners, so actually you bought yourselfes a one way ticket to hel… We welcome you….

yours cain

David Boylan
David Boylan
6 years ago

Please! Stop! Just stop all of you! I can’t stop laughing! My chest hurts so bad from laughing! I found this site by accident and I’ve been on it for over an hour now. Every time you “masturbate” or “self-raping kid” I just lose it! I can’t stop the laughing! HELP!!!!

Pieter de Jong
Pieter de Jong
6 years ago

i mastribated onze but it was on aksident wil i go to saten now iam scared cuz it was not my intention can i be saved? srry for bad english i am dutsh

bb
bb
6 years ago

Okay. I’m not going to come at an angle of hate here because that’s pointless. But I have a few questions. Where in the bible does it say masturbation is a sin? How can aids be caused by masturbation when it is a viral disease? And don’t you think this is going to cause conflict and distress to children who want to explore themselves in a completely normal way? There is no definite proof that masturbation causes cancer or turns people into criminals as there are so many other influential factors, a cause and effect relationship cannot be proven.

Deejay
Deejay
6 years ago

Looool surely this shit is a joke ? “Your body is not your playground. Raping it and forcing it to orgasm is an act of violence that leads to other violence. Many studies demonstrate that self-rape leads to other, serious crime.” This is so funny it actually has to be a joke , I feel stupid for even thinking that people could actually believe in this stuff. And you claim it causes aids? Lol so you can contract a deadly sexually transmitted disease by masturbating? But surely following that logic you would need to have aids in the first place… Read more »

Ashlyn
Ashlyn
6 years ago

Oh my fucking god, I am seriously crying while laughing at how idiotic you people are. I can’t wait to share this with my other atheist/agnostic/non-crazy christian friends. Hahah.

brokebackjesus
brokebackjesus
6 years ago

Do you know, Adam was a transgender when I created “shim”, he didnt have the adam’s apple. I artificially put it into “shim”

Nucky Goldberg
Nucky Goldberg
6 years ago

This is a joke site, correct? You cannot be serious. This is some of the funniest stuff I have ever read. You guys should write for Family Guy. Keep up the good work. Viva la masturbation.

Christy Jan
Christy Jan
6 years ago

As a devout Christian, I would like to apologize to everyone who read this and come to despise religion for it. Religion is a beautiful thing and brings hope, love and care with it. However, much like all the other religions (of your choosing, if our lord would come to us in this modern age I am sure that he would love all regardless of their choosing. The lord accepts everyone, he makes no difference in the end) we all have the bad apples in them. Most Christians are modern (like me) so please don’t judge us by the moronic… Read more »

WillwestWest
6 years ago

May God forgive the creators of this diabolic website.

Lucie
Lucie
6 years ago

This is disgusting. Telling children lies in order to stop them doing something that is natural is wrong. Masturbation in men helps to prevent prostate cancer – http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3072021.stm Therefore, by asking people to stop masturbating, you are actually raising their risk of cancer. There is no link between masturbation and HIV (what you refer to as good AIDS – dear Lord above please educate these total imbeciles) or AIDs. I won’t even start on how wrong you are that masturbation is incest or how it makes you homosexual – a homosexual is someone who loves a member of the same… Read more »

I fucking hate this bitch ass cunt organization
I fucking hate this bitch ass cunt organization
6 years ago

What the actual fuck is this shit?

Bones
Bones
6 years ago

I homestly did not know you christians would go this far, but I was wrong. This has to be one of the funniest websites I’ve been to.

Dave D
Dave D
6 years ago

Really? I believe the joke is on you my friend, if you think this site is real. This page is obviously a parody of right-wing Christian faith based organizations. And it’s freaking hilarious. “Faithfacts” lol