Morals / Self-Rape Prevention

Introducing the Anti-Masturbation Cross: Safely Train Your Children To Keep Their Hands Off Their Dangerous Sin-Zones

Parents, have you ever imagined your child masturbating? Do you worry what they do when your back is turned? Do you fear that they will fall into the grip of Satan?

Worry no more! Introducing the Anti-Masturbation Cross®! Designed by STOP Masturbation NOW engineers, this wondrous restraining device allows you to go about your day without the nagging suspicion that your offspring are treating their bodies like some kind of perverted amusement park.

Now discounted at $199.99, this miracle of modern Christian science is available at www.stopmasturbationnow.org
One size fits all, appropriate for children ages 5-16.

Praise!

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Horny Mctouchmyslef
Horny Mctouchmyslef
10 years ago

THIS IS THE DUMBEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN, AND I WATCHED THE FIRST EPISODE OF JERSEY SHORE.

Black Lip Nigga
Black Lip Nigga
10 years ago

Amen nigga

Dick Boner
10 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

Masturbation rage? I for one feel relaxed after.

Jimmy Cho
10 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

How am I lying? And why on earth why would I rub one out in front of the police? I’m not an animal. Just a human being with an IQ above 75 (unlike yourself unfortunately).I think, you sir need to get laid. Give a shot. Marijuana too.

N477Y
N477Y
2 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

Excuse me, but how you do “self-raping”?? Raping is a cruely action against the will of the victim while being comfort with your own sexuality and love yourself that much is one of the highest things god gave to us…. Love and multiply says the bible and also love thy neighbor as thyself… though if i’m not loving myself I cant love anybody else… Please do not misuse the lords words for your own opinion, open your eyes and your hearts for the love (of god) and you will realize the gifts he gave to us… No need to be… Read more »

Wack N' Bake
Wack N' Bake
1 year ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

No you need to use both hands separately. Otherwise you burn your dong. Don’t mix your hands up.

Jimmy Cho
10 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

Yeah. Damdest thing, huh? Who would have guessed a pot smoking masturbator could ever be so successful?

Zachary
Zachary
10 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

Hahahaha, guys just look at Erich, he is as dumb as it gets, seems like he is devoid of any form of critical thinking, yet he is still clueless about the fact that it doesnt stop him from talking through his ass.

Pete
Pete
10 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

I masturbate, and I’ve smoked pot, and I’m also a high flying estate agent with a lovely family and more money than you could dream of. Oh, and god is about as real as the Easter Bunny 🙂

Chen-Pang He
10 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

Why don’t you fuck your wife in front of some cops?

cheerio´s
3 years ago
Reply to  Chen-Pang He

i dont think he has one

SatanJudasDevilLucifer
SatanJudasDevilLucifer
10 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

Uuuuuhh, I’m pretty sure masturbation is consensual, as it is between one person and him(or her)self. Therefore, “selfrape” isn’t even close to a valid description. Also, the dude isn’t lying. Masturbation feels good and doesn’t make you angry. Deal with it. If you think otherwise, then nobody with any sliver of intelligence or the ability to think for themselves has any reason to listen to anything you say.

Throwaway
Throwaway
4 years ago

lmao this site is satire

N477Y
N477Y
2 years ago
Reply to  Throwaway

Unfortunately not….

Anonymous
2 years ago
Reply to  N477Y

It is meant to be satire. One of the pages mentions “Hard Dawn” as a trusted news source. Google shows that that’s not a thing, so that leads me to believe that it’s a pun on hard on, the term for a male erection.

Marcos
Marcos
1 month ago
Reply to  Anonymous

All you need is to see the acronym (BLUFF). It’s satire of the same model of Landover Baptist church (https://www.landoverbaptist.org).

alex
alex
10 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

daft cunt.

Josh
Josh
10 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

You can’t self rape the willing.

Nathaniel
10 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

Erich, are you, like, actually for real? I mean, I know you could be, but I’m really hoping somebody couldn’t be as stupid as you. I’m a Christian, but you give us a bad name. This whole website gives Christians a bad name, and the only reason I’m on here is to ridicule it. It’s like a Westboro Baptist Church homepage. Anyway, if you’re serious, your stupidity is really funny, to me. Keep up the laughs, my friends think you’re funny, too. P.S.: I self-love constantly.

Johnny
Johnny
10 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

I hope you burn in hell you sick demented bitch, go fuck your self with a parsnip

dejmoss
dejmoss
9 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

Go get laid, dude!

Jackin off
4 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

Your mom asked me to masturbate her last night. It’s a sin to forcefully restrain a child in a fucking straight jacket 😂

abby
abby
4 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

i dont think you know what rape is. i was actually raped and comparing masturbation to rape is actually disgusting. masturbation is natural and it’s perfectly healthy to explore sexuality. grow up.

cheerio´s
3 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

why dont you stick up a deagle .50 up ear and pull the trigger?

IFapEveryDayBitches
IFapEveryDayBitches
1 year ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

I’m gonna chief on a fat J and take 4 shots of vodka and rub one out just to spite you.

Fat Nigga Balls Bulfamante
Fat Nigga Balls Bulfamante
1 year ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

Thats a valid idea glooks ill lyk if it works

IMG_3402.jpeg
Last edited 1 year ago by Fat Nigga Balls Bulfamante
Sophia Amburgey
Sophia Amburgey
1 month ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

“Selfrape” oh i forgot to ask myself consent first, I should sue myself!

Robert Umberto Covello
10 years ago
Reply to  Dick Boner

Dude he’s trolling you. This is obviously a satire site.

Peter
Peter
10 years ago

Unfortunately, it isn’t!!!

jonghyun
10 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

I’m jacking off to your pic right now as we speak. You look like one of those little bitch boys who enjoys having his sinful entrance stretched and welcomes the warn hard glory into his glory hole.

jessica
jessica
10 years ago
Reply to  jonghyun

Me too

cunnunglingual
cunnunglingual
10 years ago
Reply to  jonghyun

Praying at you. Self-rape is a serious sin!

A Smart Guy
A Smart Guy
10 years ago
Reply to  cunnunglingual

It’s not rape if it’s willingly done

Your local satanist & masturbator & gay & furry
Your local satanist & masturbator & gay & furry
2 years ago
Reply to  A Smart Guy

facts my brudda

N477Y
N477Y
2 years ago
Reply to  cunnunglingual

A serious sin? Where did you get that ? How can be love (in whatever form) be a sin?
Except the Word “self-rape” doesnt exist, raping someone and loving someone are two really opposite things, hope the lord gives you the gift of understanding….
I’m a Christian and i was tought to spread love, not to spread hate to whatever god gaves to us….
Praying for you poor child of anxiety and hope you will find love one day ❤️

Mem
Mem
1 year ago
Reply to  cunnunglingual

Yeah like tf is self rape??

Tafranklin
Tafranklin
10 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

What you’ve been saying is one of the most insanely idiotic things I’ve ever heard. Everyone on this site is now dumber for having read it. May He call down a plague of pornography and flying penises upon you, and may He have mercy on your child abusing soul.

Anthony
Anthony
10 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

Umm your just dumb, masterbation is like kissing a god!

Fappy
Fappy
5 months ago
Reply to  Anthony

I used to be bendy enough I could kiss my god.

Craig Canale
Craig Canale
9 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

U are a depressed individual

Mem
Mem
1 year ago
Reply to  Craig Canale

lol

Stephen Gerard
9 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

by your physical appearance you should masterbate, good luck at getting a girl you might want to turn gay men are easier! you look like a little boy maybe you will fit on one of those boards! lol ha ha

Tencatsinacoat
Tencatsinacoat
3 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

you cannot tell me you never touched yourself, bro.

Supah Saiyan
Supah Saiyan
1 year ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

Stfu stupid ass

Gofuckyourself
Gofuckyourself
4 months ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

I feel good after playing with myself

marjan393
10 years ago

This is freakin’ hillarious. In my country we call it child abuse

Ivan Strogenov
Ivan Strogenov
10 years ago
Reply to  marjan393

In my country, joke doesn’t get YOU

graciebauman
10 years ago
Reply to  marjan393

You must be from Mexico then where the worst type of people on this planet come from. Only a Mexican would laugh about child abuse. May Saint Lonnie bless you with his Golden Shower of Enlightenment and turn you into a more normal person. Praise!

lalo
lalo
10 years ago
Reply to  graciebauman

I’m from Mexico and we don’t laugh about child abuse, you’re really misinformed. I’m sad for your judgmental attitude. We don’t even think of using this “blessed” thing.

Marta
Marta
10 years ago
Reply to  graciebauman

I’m Mexican and I don’t laugh about it. So many people, mainly caucasians, come up with all these dumb things about what Mexicans do & what not & it’s so stupid. I’ve gotten bullied many times before & called all these names for being Mexican. So you’re irrelevant. Have a great day 🙂

brad
brad
10 years ago
Reply to  Marta

Marta, I’m from California, and I’m white, and I for one love Mexicans… love their culture, their dedication to family, and their hard work. And I love a nice latina accent… damn sexy…

goldenshowerpower
goldenshowerpower
10 years ago
Reply to  graciebauman

Um, first that’s racist and “god” is suppose to “love all his children” that includes the WHOLE WORLD and second you don’t ever feel enlightened after a golden shower…probably more sticky :/

N477Y
N477Y
2 years ago

😅🤣 made my day, thx 😉

Arianna Grande
Arianna Grande
10 years ago
Reply to  graciebauman

A golden shower….? Does he pee on you…?

Nathaniel
10 years ago
Reply to  graciebauman

Gracie, I can’t tell if you’re being serious or not. If you are, you’re one of the stupidest people I’ve ever met, and on par with your buddies, on this website. They’re not laughing about child abuse, you fucking racist(by the way, how is THAT not some great sin?), they’re pointing out that this fucking immobilization torture device IS child abuse.

Paul Rosales
Paul Rosales
10 years ago
Reply to  graciebauman

I think you guys are so set against masturbation because lame asses such as yourselves would probably never get the chance to reproduce. You know in the back of your head, though not willing to admit even to yourselves, that’s all you’d be doing and you and your dimwitted kind would eventually fade away from existence from lack of effort on trying to get laid. Oh and now your racist God fearing people as well, huh? I am willing to bet not a single person involved with website are half the person I am. I am of Mexican descent and… Read more »

Milton Grits
10 years ago
Reply to  Paul Rosales

I guess you schooled us then. Laughing out loud on the Internet!

Craig Canale
Craig Canale
9 years ago
Reply to  Paul Rosales

I agree I am a borderline genius (that’s what my I.Q says) who is a Christian who lives an a beautiful home and im 13. he reason you guys on Stop Masturbation fear masturbation is because you overlook the possibility that masturbation is what humans have the desire to do and there is sin in it but if I were a predator I would by this for the sake of torture and I hope this website is a joke if it isn’t than lord save us

Jesus
Jesus
10 years ago
Reply to  graciebauman

Somebody is racist!

Fap4Life
Fap4Life
9 years ago
Reply to  Jesus

You’re 13, and you browse this fucking website? That is a fucking sin.

Elohim
Elohim
10 years ago
Reply to  graciebauman

I’m jacking off while looking at your pics.

Michelle
10 years ago
Reply to  graciebauman

no surprise you are a racist given the fact that you are fucking retarded

Iloveto"selfrape"
Iloveto"selfrape"
10 years ago
Reply to  graciebauman

I for one love to Self love to some latina pornography.

masturbationisfun
masturbationisfun
10 years ago
Reply to  graciebauman

lol you’re an idiot

A Smart Guy
A Smart Guy
10 years ago
Reply to  graciebauman

In my country(US) I called the cops on my neighbor when she used this and I heard the kid screaming, now you have 3 guesses to see who’s facing child abuse charges

phraug
phraug
10 years ago
Reply to  graciebauman

haha, you said golden shower //snicker//

Oz
Oz
10 years ago
Reply to  graciebauman

Golden shower, huh ? Saint Lonnie seems a bit deviant.

ob1
ob1
9 years ago
Reply to  graciebauman

Wow! That as some racist Shit. You need help.

YourMother
9 years ago
Reply to  graciebauman

*sniggers* Golden shower, eh?

PENIS COCK
7 years ago
Reply to  graciebauman

*golden shower xD

gracie ur a bitch pls go stick a dildo up your christian ass
go to pornhub.com or youporn.com today!

Jackie Treehorn
Jackie Treehorn
10 years ago
Reply to  marjan393

you’re obviously a chronic masturbator

Common sense
Common sense
10 years ago

I don’t understand the Pray For and Pray Against buttons they both sound like they are disproving no matter what. When people say I’ll pray for you something horrible is happening and praying against you sounds like you want something horrible to happen to them so you can pray for them instead. Plus masturbation improves mental and immune functions. So people who are against it keep doing what your doing you’ll die before the rest of us and give us sane people some peace and quiet.

Truffle
10 years ago
Reply to  Common sense

Praying AT you!

Skyy Fox
10 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

youre praying at someone instead of god? arent you just the best christian ever

Dan
Dan
10 years ago

This is child abuse

this site is a fucking joke
this site is a fucking joke
10 years ago

shit like this is why we have school shootings and shit, all you motherfuckers are fucked im the head, lmfao

The fuck is this site.
The fuck is this site.
7 years ago

Haha laughed my fucking ass off. As an Aussie, it’s nearly impossible for me to comprehend that this isn’t a satirical site. Sadly, I know some evangelicals who are actually this crazily retarded. FUCK HUMANITY. END IT.

joe fireman
joe fireman
10 years ago

amen

Not Erich Sean
Not Erich Sean
10 years ago

‘ERICH SEAN’ lol

Limp Dicked Jesus
Limp Dicked Jesus
10 years ago

Everyone calm down! I’m pretty sure this site is a joke…It is right? I almost lost my mind when I read this shit. The fact that I’m not 100% sure it’s a joke is almost more infuriating. Fuck it I’m burning down a church and beating off in the ashes. Watch me beat my meat God, Strike me in my lightning rod, and if you don’t like what I do, I’ll shoot my sticky load at you!

Randy Wood
Randy Wood
10 years ago

You do sound like a chronic self-rapist. Most masturbators are highly violent people, and your threats to burn down a church are not surprising in the least. I hope that someday you will see the light, and realize self-rape doesn’t just hurt you, it’s hurts your family, too. I’ll be praying at you.

bridgetbrown
bridgetbrown
10 years ago
Reply to  Randy Wood

Never will understand ur dumb ass sayings wtf how tf is it self rape do u even know the definition of rape -__- rape is unwilling wtf is unwilling n shit about masterbaiteing when it’s normal u guys are basically saying anything tht is not, hat. U like is unnatural and wrong and we will go to hell for our “sins” if there really I’s a God he would probably send u dumb asses to he’ll Cuz I’m pretty sure he’d be embarrassed of u hell even the devil would be wtf all of this shit better be a joke… Read more »

Lucas
Lucas
10 years ago
Reply to  Randy Wood

Randy Wood must be the best name for an anti-masturbation activist anyone could come up with.

The fuck is this site.
The fuck is this site.
7 years ago
Reply to  Lucas

Can’t decide if they’re trolling or not. This is the greatest game of troll or not a troll ever.

Notbrandon
Notbrandon
10 years ago

Does this come in adult sizes? And is there a way to lock in yourself?

Jackson
Jackson
7 years ago
Reply to  Notbrandon

Seriously? If this is what one needs, or desires for better behavior, why not?

Kerr
Kerr
10 years ago

FUCK HER RIGHT IN THE PUSSY

AFTER I TOUCH MY SINZONE

Kill yourself
10 years ago

Fuck Erich, you’re a gay cunt, listen to yourself! Find a bridge and jump off please, you worthless piece of shit, seriously you’re depriving oxygen from people that could benefit from it unlike yourself and your zealous little buddies. As a religious person myself I find this whole website a fucking joke, what sane person would use this on their child? I wouldn’t wish this on “normal” people but none of you are, so I hope (fingers crossed) that maybe you can all actually be raped, so you can see what rape really is. I would spit on you, you’re… Read more »

Jesus
Jesus
10 years ago
Reply to  Kill yourself

No man. Even if this site is a complete joke; you don’t wish rape on anybody. If you knew a victim you would know it’s not funny. Self rape, sure thats hilarious… it doesn’t exist. You’re religious huh? What would your god say to you if he heard that? Way to kill the vibe with your profane hate. Jackass.

Masturbation
Masturbation
10 years ago

I know why they wanna forbid masturbation!
YOU SHALL NOT WASTE TIME TO HAVE SEX WITH OTHERS AND BECOME PARENTS AT VERY YOUNG AGE!
Let them become more and more…

Devout Worshipper of Jesus Christ. Amen
Devout Worshipper of Jesus Christ. Amen
10 years ago

As a happily married man of 15 years, my wife and I felt an overwhelming desire to express their gratitude of the creation of this God-sent product. However, since I only allow myself and my male children access the internet ( since women are too vulnerable left alone without male supervision ) , my wife will not be commenting on this video and instead my views will also express her views. As I was saying, since the production of this decency device my wife and I no longer fear the the lustful grip of Satan perverting the innocent thoughts of… Read more »

me
me
10 years ago

You keep proclaiming your children no longer have sinful thoughts due to this device…no device can take away those thoughts, only physical actions.
Your thinking is delusional & perverse.

Devout Worshipper of Jesus Christ. Amen
Devout Worshipper of Jesus Christ. Amen
10 years ago
Reply to  me

After praying long and hard on your comment, I have found your advice enlightening. I will no longer just strap my beautiful children to this holy device, I will also commence the expulsion of Satan from the innocent bodies of my offspring through the “physical actions” that you have suggested. I hope that you are proud of me O Dear Commenter as I now employ routine beatings and burnings to aid in my childrens absolvation in God’s eyes. I especially enjoy employing the burning method as I find it really scares my children from falling from God’s favour and into… Read more »

The fuck is this site.
The fuck is this site.
7 years ago

Why is everyone so butthurt over Christopher’s comments? He’s clearly a well educated, literate troll. Fucking beautiful work, sir.

Jaclyn
Jaclyn
9 years ago
Reply to  me

Whoa! I don’t even know where to start. First, I understand you trying to teach your children to obstain. However, this isn’t teaching. It is forcing. And leaving them in that for hours on end without providing their essential needs, is neglect and abuse. Second, if your children have entered puberty, they masturbate. Period. When you are not looking, they find a way. It’s a natural thing to explore your own body and to feel sexual pleasure. It should be about teaching them why they should obstain and teaching them how to. Because they won’t always be in your house.… Read more »

Jackson
Jackson
7 years ago
Reply to  Jaclyn

Well Jaclyn, those must be two cents of pure gold and at a diameter of one foot! One of the few sincere comments here. You are right about the relationship with Christ and God, but this harness might be what somebody needs. The important thing is that the parents understand their children’s needs instead of jumping into the wrong solution. This harness might be the right solution for some, and trying it on yourself is a good way to understand what it does. I also prayed for you.

bridgetbrown
bridgetbrown
10 years ago

O.K ur extremely sick and should have ur kids taken away from u God damn how the fuck are u even allowed to have custody of your kids and wife when u obviously abuse ur wife saying that all women are to weak minded for the. internet and also abuse ur kids God they must hateeeeee you same with your wife unless she is completely brainwashed to thing ur more powerful then her smh sad sad human being

Devout Worshipper of Jesus Christ. Amen
Devout Worshipper of Jesus Christ. Amen
10 years ago
Reply to  bridgetbrown

Dear Commenter, You assault my eyes with such Satan Speak ! I furthermore do not appreciate the insults given to me when, each day, I toil and trouble to ensure my beautiful children follow the Path to God’s Palace. You seek to belittle my actions through your Stinging Slander but need I remind you I am merely God’s Vessel for which his Sacred Sentience is being channeled through. And in relation to my ” brainwashed” wife, I am happy to say she is grateful for my recommendation that she give up her job in favour of devoting every single waking… Read more »

Respectfullcommunist
Respectfullcommunist
9 years ago

1. If you thought that what somebody told you that the only way to expell pervurse ideas from a child was through beatings and BURNINGS you are no better than the people who put jesus on a cross and whipped him. 2. If you could tell me your full name i would like to report domestic abuse and child abuse. 3. The averege male thinks about sex every seven seconds you cant stop your son and just because he looks at his penis doesnt mean he is gay.

Fap4Life
Fap4Life
9 years ago

Did you read the bible? Because if Satan didn’t exist, humans would be one-minded, brainwashed creatures. Satan is the reason humans can think critically. I don’t worship any god, or Satan for that matter.

Jackson
Jackson
7 years ago
Reply to  bridgetbrown

Bridgetbrown I must agree with you. Although women are weak in some respects, as a man I am more ashamed of the weaker minds of men, who have assaulted me more, insulted, stolen from, lied, and led me, yes, to sin more. Weak mindedness is what leads us to sin, and women are mostly on the stray path because my fellow MEN, upon whom WOMEN DEPEND, lead them astray and into sin! Thank you.

A Smart Guy
A Smart Guy
10 years ago

Hey my neighbor did that too, I heard her kid yelling something about not wanting to be locked up, being beat up by his father and being starved by the mother. Now guess who’s facing child abuse charges?

That One Guy
That One Guy
9 years ago

The joke went over so many people’s heads, it’s staggering…

That Guy
That Guy
9 years ago
Reply to  That One Guy

You’re probably the smartest guy here lol 😉

Jackson
Jackson
7 years ago
Reply to  Alfons

Alfons, can you give another link? Government doesn’t like that site.

Pavel Kozák
10 years ago

I will buy it for my 50th anniversary of my masturbatory CV.

stopmemalkuth
stopmemalkuth
10 years ago

*Side efects: A small portion of the teenagers that used this product developed a Bondage Fetish when they grow up

Randy Bstard
Randy Bstard
10 years ago

I don’t often masturbate. But when I do I beat that motherfucker like it owes me money 🙂

Elaine
Elaine
10 years ago

THIS IS NOT WHAT THIS BOARD IS USED FOR! THIS IS USED IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM TO WHEN DOING PROCEDURES ON YOUNG CHILDREN WHO MUST REMAIN STILL….COME ON PEOPLE…GET REAL

Dian Xue
Dian Xue
10 years ago

This… is perhaps the greatest comment in the history of the internet.

Attila
Attila
9 years ago

I was just masturbating while reading this. And it was soooo good!!

Rick
Rick
9 years ago

I can’t believe at how evil the Christians are to non christians and themselves. STUPID RELIGION FOR STUPID PEOPLE!!!

Jackson
Jackson
7 years ago
Reply to  Rick

Christians are not a religion. Neither is Christ. Nor Christianity. He is the one true first Son of God but we are all children of God too. It is a relation between you, Christ and God. Nobody can tell you what to do or be. Only God.

This dirty hoe wants your dick and white delight
This dirty hoe wants your dick and white delight
9 years ago

True shit smfh

marjan393
9 years ago

we should report this website to the FBI

mightypoo
9 years ago

you people are sick

cunt gobbler
cunt gobbler
9 years ago

Why is the world filled with fucking idiots? How do you not realize that this is all satire, including what Erich Sean is saying? Are you all really THAT thick?

MaxXx
MaxXx
9 years ago

Why is there a “Pray Against” button?

Jackson
Jackson
7 years ago
Reply to  MaxXx

Exactly Maxxxx! Aren’t we supposed to pray for all of God’s children? Even those who hurt us, blame us, lie to us, steal our belongings and belittle us?
Amen!

Jigglytata89
Jigglytata89
9 years ago

Why is it called self rape lol that’s funny and Jesus is a lie go fuck yourself

margarita
margarita
9 years ago

masturbation is natural and a wonderful form of relaxation. this gadget is a form of child abuse!
God will punish you!
this is a Satanic device!
you will all rot in hell!

Ted
Ted
10 years ago

1. Rape is non-consensual sex. If the kid choose to do it to himself then it’s not rape. This trivializes true rape.
2. Putting a kid in this thing is child abuse.

Nikita Shalavin
10 years ago
Reply to  Ted

Consensual sex requires two or more people to consent. Rape only requires one person (the rapist) to consent. By masturbating, you are the only one consenting, hence, you are raping yourself.

Jimmy Cho
10 years ago

Masturbating is not sex. It’s masturbating.

Christina Mcierncock Rubright
Reply to  Jimmy Cho

If there is a sexual organ involved, its sex. And If its only one person involved, and that person is yourself, its incest. And unless your genitals have vocal cords and can give consent, its RAPE!

Jimmy Cho
10 years ago

Well by that rock solid logic, sex of any kind would be rape too because my Penis didn’t vocally approve this. No. That is easily the dumbest thing I’ve read all day. My (and everyone else s intelligence has been decreased by reading what you have posted. Congratulations.

Barry Wiseman
10 years ago

I urinate using my penis, a sexual organ. Are you implying I can get laid just by pissing? Wow…I’ve been doing it wrong this whole time.

Old sophist
Old sophist
10 years ago

“If there is a sexual organ involved, its sex.” Can’t disagree.

“If its only one person involved, and that person is yourself, its incest.”
Not at all. Please review the definition of incest.

“And unless your genitals have vocal cords and can give consent, its RAPE!”

In fact, it’s the other way round: my genitals demand and I consent or don’t consent.

jonghyun
10 years ago

So when you procreate with someone you got married to its still rape since your genitals don’t have a voice. And here I thought the Westboro Baptist Church was bad.

michelle d
michelle d
10 years ago

did i…am i….is this real life???

fiddlestix
10 years ago

Ok so by that logic washing your sexual organs is raping them and you wouldn’t want to do that right?

remind me not to stand too close to you !!!

Gabe Athouse
Gabe Athouse
10 years ago

LOL @ Jimmy.
The Joke
——————-
Your head
Do you guys get angry when the Onion hits too close to home also?

Peter
Peter
10 years ago

ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL

JC
JC
10 years ago

Whilst washing my genitals I realise I may have just water boarded them by your logic and they didn’t even make a sound.

darnel slapcock
darnel slapcock
10 years ago

Mrs rubright. My name is darnel slapcock. We should pray together all night.

LOLwut
LOLwut
10 years ago

OMG, you are so right! I never thought about it in that way. And what about the innocent hands? Aren’t they victims of this evil ploy as well? Come to think of it, is that what they mean by idle hands?

alex
alex
10 years ago

im self raping myself all over your face right now.

Dann
Dann
10 years ago

So by your logic all sex is rape, your can’t and never will be able to consent to anything so by your logic every human, every time they fuck, it’s rape.

Nathaniel
10 years ago

Christina, first off, you’re an idiot, and second off, you look more like a rapist, than anybody I’ve ever seen.

Respectfullcommunist
Respectfullcommunist
9 years ago

Your name of a sexual organ in your surname according to your logic my penis and anybody elses didnt consent so you are raping

mightypoo
9 years ago

You are retarded.

Logic
Logic
4 years ago

Do you climax while pissing?

Jrae
Jrae
3 years ago

My genitals don’t consent when I have sex with someone – anyone really as I love casual sex with many people. I am who consents. Therefore, you saying “unless my genitals have vocal cords and can give consent, it’s RAPE” is laughable at best. My genitals belong to me and as such I am the one who’s CONSENT matters. Whether I’m fucking myself or I’m fucking someone else or even if I’m fucking multiple people.

Peter
Peter
10 years ago
Reply to  Jimmy Cho

Er, I’d say: masturbation IS sex, but I don’t see how sex with yourself could be wrong!

Bo_strangles
Bo_strangles
10 years ago
Reply to  Jimmy Cho

Do they make these in adult sizes? I love bondage.

Jackson
Jackson
7 years ago
Reply to  Bo_strangles

Bo, wonderful thought!
If you are a girl (adult) and want a partner, I’m here.

Lala
Lala
10 years ago

That was so stupid. You people are the ones that make religion seem a massive contagion of ignorance…. GOSH
Did you check what psychologist say? This is simply basic. Goddammit! Always fomenting intolerance and hatred among human beings

fiddlestix
10 years ago

No rape requires one or more person(s) to NOT consent

Jackson
Jackson
7 years ago
Reply to  fiddlestix

Really hard to understand this sentence, but at the end, agree.
Please use better English.

David Hartley
David Hartley
10 years ago

With twisted logic like this, it is useless trying to point out your abuse of the English language

Bitchy
Bitchy
10 years ago

Nikita you seem to be a very intelligent person. How you look, what you write… I might rape myself later thinking of you….

Free Thinker.
Free Thinker.
10 years ago

Good thing I don’t choose to press charges on this dashingly good looking rapist of mine, I’m not sure if this site is pure satire or you’re all a bunch of bible-thumping numskulls. I’m praying to my lord and savior Lucifer to wipe your deadhead mind from this earth so that one day everyone may “self-rape”,be married to the same sex, or follow whatever path in life they may choose without a false deity following cult to tell them otherwise.

mightypoo
9 years ago
Reply to  Ted

yes, it is child abuse. if i ever seen a kid in one of these im calling the cops.

kiddie mcfiddlie
kiddie mcfiddlie
4 years ago
Reply to  Ted

but they look so happy, how could you deny such a wonderful experience to a child?

P
P
10 years ago

Hahhaa this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen, fucking stupid ass Christians. LOL sex is fantastic.

Christina Mcierncock Rubright
Reply to  P

This is not about sex. It is about child rape molestation. Which is illegal in all 48 states!

Timothy Bruns
10 years ago

48 states? Might I ask the name of your Geography teacher so I can pray her soul never has to know of your ignorance.

Serj the Selftoucher
Serj the Selftoucher
10 years ago
Reply to  Timothy Bruns

It’s legal in the other two….duh!

Jrae
Jrae
3 years ago

She said “in ALL 48 states” so nice try

synthphyle
10 years ago

Wow. Did we LOSE two states when I wasn’t looking? Was it like when scientists decided that Pluto was no longer a planet? Pluto probably shrunk because of Galactic Warming due to all the friction generated by all the masturbating going on!

Nick Tamere
9 years ago
Reply to  synthphyle

Pluto shrunk because of the wickedness on earth and so many evil childres masturbating and abusing themselves.

Lala
Lala
10 years ago

Would you agree that ‘child molestation’ is stopping and frustrating the normal course of the sexual discovery of a child? Or would you call stopping the normal course in name of goddamn prejuices, which will later cause REAL sexual deviations?’

laughing at stupid people
laughing at stupid people
10 years ago

Wow. You are a true troll, teach me in your arts

Katie Redelinghuys
Katie Redelinghuys
10 years ago

You are so ignorant; you need to go back to school because clearly you have no idea of what sex is.Crawl back under the rock you came from, you’d do us all a huge favour.

Johnny C
Johnny C
10 years ago

Yes, this makes sense. Let’s immobilize our children to “prevent” rape. Ever seen silence of the lambs? This is how the red dragon is born. You people are sick, twisted fucks.

franzgaul
10 years ago

Dear Christina, I’m jacking off to your pic right now as we speak.
Kind regards

Oscar Otero  (@oaotero)

Christina rub me, right?

Person26
Person26
10 years ago

Wow… im an European and even i know that the United States of America has 50 states… you are freaking pathetic.

Danny Featherstone
10 years ago

Im finding very hard to keep my hands of my sin stick while looking at your profile pic Christina…. I need help

Korean Jesus
Korean Jesus
10 years ago

Jacking off to your pic right now!

Jackson
Jackson
7 years ago

What two states are those? I want to know NOW!

Sarah
Sarah
10 years ago
Reply to  P

All this thing needs is a gag across the mouth and those good Christians can use this device to molest children. Are they marketing it to priests for the alter boys?

jhonny
jhonny
10 years ago

wow, you are a special kind of stupid, aren’t you?….

yolo butt swaggington
yolo butt swaggington
10 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

Jesus was a alcoholic and people that jerk the gerkin are! Logic! What about his prostitute friends

Jimmy Rustler
10 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

Just #rustlemyjimmies. Happy? Your a special kind of special kind of idiot

the President
the President
10 years ago
Reply to  Jimmy Rustler

Im the president and I approve this message

Jesus H. Christ
10 years ago

I’m masturbating to this website right now. True story. I’m gonna blow my load all over a pic of the Virgin Mary too. Give her the ole Divine Money shot.

God
God
10 years ago

That’s how I made you Jesus! I could not taint marys little virgin pussy with my massive, throbbing god cock; so I did the right thing and just fucked her titties while I watched Mohammed fuck her ass; and than blew the cum into her dirty middle-world hair canyon to save everyone. Come to think of it, after you left she turned into a total whore. I would materialize into a new animal every weekend; and she would fuck me like the rapture just ended. Even took a barbed lion shaft for forty five minutes once. That woman was… one… Read more »

Your local satanist & masturbator & gay & furry
Your local satanist & masturbator & gay & furry
2 years ago
Reply to  God

Holy shit lmfao

clearly smarter than you fools.
clearly smarter than you fools.
10 years ago

The fact that this exists is appalling. The fact that people actually support the use of this is so mind boggling, I think I am now dumber for having visited a website that people like this frequent. I’m horrified. Any parent who puts a child in a restraint like this deserves to have their children removed by CPS.

the President
the President
10 years ago

Im the president and I approve this message!

Cathy Redmond
10 years ago

This going to be this year’s “Tickle Me Elmo” at Christmas time. You may think this is “appalling” or “dumb” but you won’t think it’s very dumb when your children are literally begging for one this November and Brother Lonnie is sold out until 2015. Way to ruin Christmas for your kids.

Praise.

fiddlestix
10 years ago
Reply to  Cathy Redmond

Tell me what kind of gifts do your children normally get that they would be begging for this instead?

the President
the President
10 years ago
Reply to  Cathy Redmond

Im the president, and this bitch needs jesus

Jackson
Jackson
7 years ago
Reply to  Cathy Redmond

Cathy, love you, pray for you.

SIXOFHEARTS22
SIXOFHEARTS22
10 years ago

I am currently masturbating and worshipping my dark lord; satan while also listening to black death metal. Also, this weed is strong, man.

synthphyle
10 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

Sorry, Erich, but Satan BOTTOMS to me. And he LOVES being sodomized by me!

wwjd
wwjd
10 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

http://www.minutodigital.com/imagenes2/imagen6.jpg brother look at this photo of our savior jesus Christ and pray with me

darren
darren
10 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

Oh ok your a christan yet you wish hell to people ok. Where the fuck does it say you cant masturbate

fiddlestix
10 years ago
Reply to  darren

great point, just searched the new and old testaments and couldn’t find any mention of it

Milton Grits
10 years ago
Reply to  fiddlestix

Bro do u evn Bible? It’s called the sin of Onan

Didde
Didde
10 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

I’m going to enjoy it so hard that even you will feel it

Gregzinoo
Gregzinoo
10 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

Your actually a Skank… You Useless Cunt Go Rape a Cat You Fucking Weird Jahova Slag, Go Out and Have a Laugh And Have Fun with your life instead of pretending Your the one making the rules here and Telling people they are raping themselves, Go and Actually Get some Friends…

derpyrabbit
derpyrabbit
10 years ago
Reply to  Gregzinoo

I aM a FaGgOt WhO cApItAlLiZeS lEtTeRs RaNdOmLy FoR nO oThEr ReAsOn ThAn BeCaUsE i Am A sKaNkY wHoRe WhO wAnTs To WaTcH sOmE sKaNkY cLoSeT hOmOsExUaL fUnDiE rAeP a CaT iN tHe AsS aNd CuM iN iTs BuTtHoLe LiKe In SoMe ShItTy YiFf MoViE tHaT i FaP tO rEgUlArLy WhIlE ShOvInG a ViBrAtInG BuTtPlUg Up My AsS aNd I aLsO wRiTe FuCkInG bOrInG rUn On SeNtAnCeS tHe SiZe Of LoNg MaThEmAtIcAl PrOoFs AnD cOuLdNt ReCoGnIsE a GaY tRoLl On A sAtIrE WeBsItE tO sAvE mY oWn MaNgY aSs AnD aLsO cAnT uSe ThE pUnCtUaTiOn Erich probably has fundie parents… Read more »

Jdjsbusjsbsjsm
Jdjsbusjsbsjsm
10 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

I guess you’re the reason why bin laden bombs peoble

the President
the President
10 years ago
Reply to  Jdjsbusjsbsjsm

Im the president and I take blame for that, but he is the reason I gave the orders!

D051327D
D051327D
10 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

YOU, and all the other extreme religious people on this forum are the reason people turn from, or hate religion! God had two absolute rules “LOVE people, LOVE God”. If you want to live in good morals, and really want to change the world for the better, perhaps you should knock off the high-&-mighty, holy-art-thou, I’m-better-then-every-person-who-isn’t-me attitude, and try being more accepting of people, not to say you have to accept their choices. Jesus was friendly to EVERYONE, He loved EVERYONE!!!! No matter what people’s choices are YOU have NO right to judge or condem people to Hell!! Leave that… Read more »

Jackson
Jackson
7 years ago
Reply to  D051327D

Even if you leave them alone, they do not leave you alone.

Your local satanist & masturbator & gay & furry
Your local satanist & masturbator & gay & furry
2 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

I’ll enjoy it

Julian Taylor
10 years ago
Reply to  SIXOFHEARTS22

You sure showed us by coming here to confess your current ungodly pursuits – that’s a very original sentiment btw, your masturbating while reading our holy netsite. I sure wouldn’t have thought to type that! 🙂

Carlos Danger
10 years ago

I’m getting one for my non same race wife. Who knows what tomfoolery she’s up to while I’m at work. I don’t trust anyone with darker skin than me.

notsaying
10 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

pouhaha this website is the funniest thing I have ever read! You guys should show this in a comedy club you would make millions!!! Especially this retarded Erich Sean guy!!! Wow really I just cant stop laughing when reading this idiot! Keep on the retarded comments you are just proving the world that you sir are one hell of an idiot! On a side note by looking at his ugly ass face I can imagine that he must really need this shit if I where as ugly as him I sure as hell would be masturbating all the time and… Read more »

God
God
10 years ago
Reply to  notsaying

I completely agree

Me
Me
10 years ago
Reply to  God

Sorry, I just had to pray against you god. I hope you understand.

Satan
Satan
10 years ago
Reply to  Erich Sean

this has to be a fucking joke right?..pls tell me this is satire

Katie Redelinghuys
Katie Redelinghuys
10 years ago
Reply to  Carlos Danger

Hahaha you’re being sarcastic, right??

jonghyun
10 years ago
Reply to  Carlos Danger

Bahahabababab

darren
darren
10 years ago
Reply to  Carlos Danger

You racist. How can you not trust them just becaues the complexion is different. Really your not a good person. And if you cant trust your one wif we than why are you mareied and why does it matter there color

Mikkel Jürs
Mikkel Jürs
10 years ago
Reply to  darren

Clearly, you didn’t get it Darren. LOL

David Hartley
David Hartley
10 years ago
Reply to  darren

I’ve got nothing against black people. Every white family should be permitted to own two

clearly smarter than you fools.
clearly smarter than you fools.
10 years ago

I can’t tell if Cathy is joking and making fun of this, or if she’s drinking the kool-aid and likes it, but I’m going to go with joking, because that’s the only way I can seriously take any comparison of this contraption to Elmo, LOL! So, cheers, Cathy. well played. 🙂

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
10 years ago

Damn Christians are fucking stupid.

Ifsatanhadamistress
Ifsatanhadamistress
10 years ago

But the guy that thinks this website is real is really intelligent

WankingWithKids
WankingWithKids
10 years ago

For real… The only thing that continues to surprise me about this website is the number of absolute full retards getting their panties all in a bunch because they don’t realize it’s a joke.

Nikita Shalavin
10 years ago

Prostate cancer and other masturbation related STDs are hardly a joking matter.

philip
philip
10 years ago

Cancer is an STD? Really? And how exactly can a disease be transmitted through masturbation? Transmittion can only happen when two or more people are involved.. You are not even trying to think are you

Nikita Shalavin
10 years ago
Reply to  philip

Chronic masturbators often resort to drug use in order to cope with guilt and shame associated with trauma of repeated self-rape cycles. It won’t take long before you catch the AIDS from sharing dirty condoms with your roommates under the bridge.

Julian Taylor
10 years ago

Masturbation is the gateway drug to homosexuality, and brother Nikita has had heartbreaking first hand experience in attempting to nurse homogay masturbaters back to spiritual health. When the soul is unhealthy it is not long before the body becomes equally unhealthy, and this is most frequently evident with the big C and the AIDS penance.

Bless.

HolyMotherOfStupidness
HolyMotherOfStupidness
10 years ago

Ejaculating frequently actually helps preventing prostate cancer, There’s a REAL research on the matter, look for it.

Nikita Shalavin
10 years ago

Wrong, pervert. Once the masturbation has made you a gay, you will be spending most of your free time having rough unprotected anal with complete strangers. It’s only a matter of time before you catch prostate cancer in a dirty bathroom stall.

Matt
Matt
10 years ago

Pretty sure masturbation is the only true way to be sure not to get an STD. Thank you your ignorance knows no bounds

Nikita Shalavin
10 years ago
Reply to  Matt

Chronic masturbators often resort to drug use in order to cope with guilt and shame associated with trauma of repeated self-rape cycles. It won’t take long before you catch the AIDS from sharing dirty condoms with your roommates under the bridge.

David
David
10 years ago

Says the man with a nude picture of him on his profile

Nikita Shalavin
10 years ago
Reply to  David

David, I can’t help it if I look great because I eat smart and never masturbate. Maybe you can stop player hating, let go of your penis, and get a gym membership.