Spot a Masturbator

Guys: How to Tell a Girl is Masturbating at You

(StopMasturbationNOW)— Female masturbation is one of the most disgusting things in the known universe. And it is well proven that masturbation is rape.

But Guys… how can you tell if a girl you know or are dating is thinking of you as she plays with her sin cave?

1, She wears perfume
Female masturbation leaves a fishy smelling substance on the finger which is almost impossible to rub off. Since the days of the Romans, girls who diddle themselves have had to use heavy aromas to hide their sin from their fathers and other men. If your girl is wearing perfume, definitely be careful.

2, She uses Apple products.
Mac_Tag_Girl_by_LumacProducts like the Macintosh iphone and the ipad, are marketed at women. And not just any women, women wo are anti establishment. What is more anti establishment than self-rape? If she has an iphone, dump her immediately.

3, She is a Vegetarian
Vegetarians don’t eat meat, no sausage, no hot dogs, no beer brats. What they do love to do is ring their devils doorbell.

4, She Votes
28 percent of male voters feel they have made a mistake in their vote two years later. 73 percent of male voters feel their wife/daughter/girlfriend made an error in voting. A vote is the females ultimate disrespect to a man, almost as bas as masturbating.

5, She wears tight clothing
67fbe0a3e33c8adfad4f627b2aa8fa6758477915-590x318Tight clothing, like yoga pants and leggings, allow a girl to play with herself like she was naked almost at will. You can click here now to see lots of women wearing tight clothing for these exact reasons. Whether it be grinding against the edge of a chair or her own hand, tight clothes are just easy access to self rape.

 

 

Remember guys, do you want a girl who constantly has her hand in her panties? Or one with her hands holding the good book?

 

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A Smart Guy
A Smart Guy
6 years ago

Well aren’t you guys just some sexist fucks. And hats with the Apple thing? And most people who don’t want to smell bad use perfume

Julian Taylor
6 years ago
Reply to  A Smart Guy

WRONG! People who do not wish to smell bad don’t probe their fleshy sin cave!

A Smart Guy
A Smart Guy
6 years ago
Reply to  Julian Taylor

And those who have no intelligence at all believe this site.

blownload
6 years ago
Reply to  Julian Taylor

I don’t know about you but I wear cologne. Not because I jerk off, but because it makes me smell good. I buy socks because I jerk off.

A Smart Guy
A Smart Guy
6 years ago
Reply to  blownload

Blownload, you have my lifestyle

Lv_U_Hnnnng_
Lv_U_Hnnnng_
6 years ago
Reply to  A Smart Guy

A Smart Guy , lovely seeing you on almost every post , missed you , btw i love this website , haven’t laughed so hard in years…

Ken Day
Ken Day
6 years ago

The writer of this article clearly knows what he’s talking about. Women, and men for that matter, masturbated far less before Apple started shoving their products at the youth. They try and pretend they’re pious, but having Bible and Prayer apps on their store is not enough. Also, the part about tight clothing is accurate. I make it a point to only associate myself with women that have the self-respect to wear long skirts and long sleeved, collared shirts. Tight clothing just tells me that this woman is not the type of woman I want to waste my time with.… Read more »

Nicholas
Nicholas
6 years ago
Reply to  Ken Day

This is the most bigoted article I have ever seen, this honestly has to be a hoax. Is this based on any real facts, scientific studies, or even any real statistics? Christians are supposed to spread love, acceptance, and forgiveness not prejudice against vegetarian, yoga pants wearing, apple product, perfume tasteful, voters. Women fought for their right to vote, can the author of this article really say they stand behind this untasteful piece of garbage they have published to influence their religion in a positive manner. If not this article should be taken down and you should be ashamed.

eltomito
6 years ago
Reply to  Nicholas

While i agree the foremost task of all Christians is to spread love, I believe not giving in to evil is equally important and a clear line must be drawn to show the youths that being Christian does NOT amount to passively watching the world plummet straight to hell. So, while women voting might be tolerable, women self-raping at good Christians is definitely not.

Julian Taylor
6 years ago
Reply to  Ken Day

When my girlfriend came home with an iPhone I took it from her and broke it with a hammer. She cried for a bit, but perked up a little when I got her the much safer Microsoft Windows Phone.

itslearning
6 years ago
Reply to  Ken Day

it appears to me that you are actually either very stupid or very clever.
You are clever if you are in fact the person writing these articles and also commenting on them as a joke, in which case thanks for the humor.
Or you are very stupid if you actually are just an ignorant that believes all of this stuff.

Truffle
6 years ago

Masturbating harlots make me sick! They need Lonnie in them and learn how to FaithGasm™ . Prof. Milton Grits, has done some marvellous research on the FaithGasm™ and is always open for more lesser gendereds to volunteer for his studies.

A Smart Guy
A Smart Guy
6 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

Lesser Gendereds? Are you talking about women being inferior? If you are I hope YOU burn in hell you sick cultist fucking son of a bitch

PS I’m a guy

Truffle
6 years ago
Reply to  A Smart Guy

Of course they are inferior, silly HomoGay™ masturhater.

A Smart Guy
A Smart Guy
6 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

If God loves all creations and according to that book you read, you’re supposed to spread said love, then how are women inferior, or have you just made some new version that edits out all the smart stuff? If you can read…

Julian Taylor
6 years ago
Reply to  A Smart Guy

I am praying at this joker in the hopes that he will stop being so gay!

A Smart Guy
A Smart Guy
6 years ago
Reply to  Julian Taylor

I have a wife, and I’m a guy. What are you, like 5?

Pure as the Driven Snow
Pure as the Driven Snow
6 years ago
Reply to  A Smart Guy

You’re being trolled so hard, and it’s hilarious.

Dark Mercenary
6 years ago

Next time dint wear tights and perfume around me truffle. Lonnie is getting suspicious.

Dominic Flynn
6 years ago

I implore all good men, the first thing you should do on a date is to smell the girl’s fingers. If she’s unclean drop her at the nearest bus stop.

Love the real God!
Love the real God!
6 years ago

At first I thought this site was a joke, but then I realized that you actually believe this shit which is even more scary! You guys are the scum of the earth! This is NOT IN GODS NAME AND YOU WILL BE PUNISHED FOR SPREADING THIS SINFUL HATE!

I get off 3 times a day
I get off 3 times a day
6 years ago

You guys are RETARDED. You wicked awful fuckers running this site are insane. None of these things prove masturbation is occurring – you’re trying to create fact based on correlation, not causation, and horrifyingly weak correlation at that. I don’t even know where to begin debunking your claims, they’re each so treacherously crafted and horribly, HORRIBLY incorrect. You’re full of bullshit propaganda, trying to smother healthy sexuality on behalf of a deity that hasn’t proven its existence. You are blind and you are sick. Open you’re eyes and allow yourself to be happy, it’s ok to FEEL GOOD. Jesus motherFUCKING… Read more »

Julian Taylor
6 years ago

SMELLING IS TELLING!!

Alexis
Alexis
6 years ago

I masturbated to this.

Jesus
Jesus
6 years ago
Reply to  Alexis

I was gonna say the same thing!

girlMASTERbator
girlMASTERbator
6 years ago

If you guys are so adamant about preventing masturbation and are such a successful organization, you should be able to afford to take off 8 OF THE 10 ADS ON YOUR SITE THAT ARE SEXUAL IN NATURE. You promote anti-masturbation and then allow your site to display multiple ads advocating not only sinful thoughts with which to masturbate, but intercourse itself, you are IDIOTS. HYPOCRITICAL, OPPRESSIVE, SUPREMELY STUPID idiots. This is an amateur mistake, it blows my mind. I CANNOT believe you fuck tards don’t realize this. You have zero credibility now, as if you had even a modicum before.… Read more »

Radu Tanasescu
6 years ago

Seriously? You have a “pray against” button? Are you kidding me? That is against the values of Christianity. Second, you can’t tell if a girl is masturbating while thinking of you. And if she does, be proud. Girls wear perfume to smell nice, they wear yoga pants to look good and feel good, and they use Apple products because Apple is awesome. Oh, and vegetarians are just that. Vegetarians. Even if these signs did indicate masturbation, they would not indicate the exact person that is the object of her desires. You people are just frustrated and sad. Everyone masturbates, deal… Read more »

Patrick
Patrick
6 years ago

LOL. you guys are complete joke. However your article did amuse me. I haven’t laughed like this for awhile. I am pretty sure that people have been masturbating just as much before Apple products. LOL . How insane are you folks? My girlfriend used to ask me to masturbate for her, while she watched 30 years ago. Way before the personal computer. But I will say having these products out there make masturbation more fun because now I can look at great pictures of hot young women in yoga pants. Well need to cut this short so I can go… Read more »

#Omg Like Jesus 4 Life!!!!!!! ....
#Omg Like Jesus 4 Life!!!!!!! ....
6 years ago

Hahahahhahahahahahahaha…This just gave me a good laugh. These people might be uneducated but they sure are creative with conspiracies

Carlotta
Carlotta
6 years ago

To the author of this heap of rubbish:
You’re definitely an 800 thinker. Or I hope so.
Women have the right to vote exactly as you man has the right to do so.
I’m horrified by your vulgar and unbelievable stupid thoughts. I can’t understand how you can think unedequate thing like these in 2014.
Please Wake up and worry about physical rape, more than about useless moralisms.

god fucker
god fucker
6 years ago

Your god can fucking lick my asshole. jesus was a faggot who played with himself when there were no little boys around to rape. you and your families are disgusting. leave it to christians to make a website where you can “pray against” someone who’s view you don’t agree with. fuck god, fuck jesus, fuck religion and fuck yourselves. if jesus ever comes back (haha) i’d bend him over and rape him with a fucking backscratcher, Fuck you people.

Truffle
6 years ago
Reply to  god fucker

Young lady, are you menstruating? Come back when you’re less hysterical.

wine.
wine.
6 years ago

This is the most HILARIOUS thing I’ve ever read in my life…the author is a near genius. I want to market this as a skit on SNL…seriously just spit out ALL my wine. THANK YOU (no masturbation intended by that, just a pure, God-fearing thanks).

Sinful Guy
Sinful Guy
6 years ago

if masturbation is sinful, I am gonna go to hell. But at least I would have lived a great sinful life bitches!

Truffle
6 years ago
Reply to  Sinful Guy

Triple-hell, in fact. You will continue to exist for eternity at the mercy of Satan. He of course will show you NO mercy. Enjoy!

Prince Magnum
Prince Magnum
6 years ago

And because of things like this is why I stopped being a Christian back in 2001 and became a pagan. My friends, anyone who honestly believes such things is horribly closed minded and a negative person to even be around. I chose not to be near these people. The funniest part about these Christians is they think that they bring light into this world. Funny how the only person to not think that they are the bad guy is the bad guy. Christians missionaries in countries like China wonder why they have to do their work in secret for fear… Read more »

Roisin
Roisin
6 years ago

: how can somebody go to triple hell? Either you’re in hell or you’re not. Just further proof that you’re making stuff up. Fucking retard.

Truffle
6 years ago
Reply to  Roisin

Raisin, you will find out triple hell exists if you continue to self-rape. Don’t come crying to us when its too late. Also, do not make fun of the mentally retarted. It’s not a very nice thing to do.

DextarClaw9
6 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

how the hell we can even cry to you when we’re in “triple-hell”

test
6 years ago

Whoever is behind this bullshit, get yourself checked in a psychiatric hostpital

Rut López Fernández
6 years ago

I thought this was a joke, a totally ridiculous one, even funny. Then I discoverd it was not. I only have one explanation to it: mormons or any other fanatic group, whichever. I’m a young catholic girl and I find this insulting to me and to my religion. People like you are the ones giving christians a bad image and a fake one. Writing this as guys didn’t masturbate when they are the greatest fappers in the whole world, dont pretend that you piss holy water because you dont,You are the thing Jesus hated the most pharisee, if he ever… Read more »

Truffle
6 years ago

Not only are you a lesser-gendered, non-normal species, you are also a harlot. Female Catholics are renowned for having multiple abortions, before marriage! You should also quit the potty mouth. No superior male will give you the time of day while cursing like a possessed Devil. Your kind thinks that it is OK to sin, as all you need to do is say a few Hail Mary’s and all is forgiven. Wrong. Satan is waiting for you and you will NOT enjoy his company!

chelsea
chelsea
6 years ago

Please pray for me!!! I have sinned. I grew up Catholic but was never told masturbation was wrong. My parents, god bless their souls, never had the discussion with me about touching myself. I feel now i must repent and hope sweet Jesus will absolve me of my sins. I lost faith years ago and got pulled in by the devil’s tricks. He wanted me to have sex – he wanted me to masturbate. So i did…everyday. At first i was ashamed. There was this boy in Chapel that always wore his collar loose and his pants high, exposing just… Read more »

Harley
Harley
6 years ago
Reply to  chelsea

Dear Chelsea
I am a depraved male, one who has lived with sin for far too long. You see I have similar problems. The very same problems you have seemed to overcum. I have tried so hard, but I am weak. The temptations of the flesh are too much and the devil just will not let me go. I think I need help. Do you think maybe we could get together and you could teach me to overcum my issues? I think you are just what I need… To overcum my problems I mean. Help me prey away the sin!

jenn
jenn
6 years ago

so I was all alone naked and my devils doorbell rang and just to smite you all i played with my sin cave……but i am confused, is that a pray for or against? lol

Chelsea
Chelsea
6 years ago

Dear Harvey. Thank you for reaching out as I know that a true confession burdens your thoughts. Please let is join and pray together. We will have to marry sod course if we are to join hands, but my willingness to serve directs me to this work

Jesus Christ, our lord and savior

im going to finger the shit outa my pussy to this. its making me so wet i cant stand it. i just want to stick two fingers in my moist vag and a fist in my asshole. itll make me cum soooooooooo much

Da Pope
Da Pope
6 years ago

It’s astonishing (and a little depressing) how many people fail to recognize satire, even when it slaps them across the face with a wet fisth.

Nathan Van Den Berg
6 years ago

Thank you for telling the truth in a world where truth is becoming a rare thing, your articles in the past gave me the power to forgive myself for the shameful acts of self rapes I’ve committed and think of myself as pure and whole again. This article allows me to expand from just preventing self rape upon myself, to preventing self rape in others around me. You are a true Shepard in an era of wolves in sheeps’ clothing. This loyal sheep will be forever grateful.

Mary-Elizabeth
Mary-Elizabeth
6 years ago

I’m confused as to whether this is real or not?

Fuck you!
Fuck you!
6 years ago

Oyeah..if women didn’t have to take it 98 percent of her life with you inadequate fucks she wouldn’t have to flick her bean. I have a feeling the men on here are just pissed off from a lifetime of not getting pussy at all…now possibly your in an age group where womens bodies are starting too droop and she is getting desperate so you think you can be all cocky…..well listen up….fuck you! 🙂 My god hates you….im going to go vote and smash one out on this pretty pussy i got….. ( all by myself) ….. sincerely ( happy… Read more »

Sydney
Sydney
6 years ago

I wear perfume I just got an I phone for Xmas and I wear leggings Oh no!i don’t masturbate I think perfume makes me smell good I like to stay up on technology and I like to keep up with clothing trends,and when I’m 18 I’m going to use my independence to vote and help shape our country

Doex73
Doex73
5 years ago

I pray to god that this webpage may be a fake! Middle-age has passed a long time ago. Touch yourself and feel good whilst doing it. Burn all books, that don’t allow you to touch yourself.

Doex73
Doex73
5 years ago

No. Accept Hertas a woman and please her. Sex is no sin, it’s natural.

EarthToAccess
EarthToAccess
5 years ago

may i just ask as a concerned american citizen why this site is a thing that exists?
like seriously ya’ll are a bunch of dumb motherfuckers
may i remind you that sexual acts are how you got onto this earth, scientifically proven
and that masturbation actually decreases the chance of heart attacks at it decreases stress tremendously