Post Tagged with: "Lonnie Childs"

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Blood of Lonnie Childs Possible Virus Antidote

Faith scientists are hard at work analyzing the blood of our fearless leader, Lonnie Childs, in a bid to curb all known viruses in the world. The idea came to Brother Eli after he watched an undisclosed episode of a vintage TV show where “the hero’s blood was used as […]

by April 3, 2020 6 comments Science
Image by Mylene2401 from Pixabay

The Truth Behind the Toilet Paper Shortages

Toilet paper is out of stock everywhere. This is the reality that humans worldwide have been forced to contend with lately. However, the lieberal media would have you believe that “hoarders” or “preppers” are snapping of every roll of “white gold” they see. This is simply not true. Sources deep […]

by March 30, 2020 9 comments Money
Official White House Photo by Joyce N. Boghosian

Expert: Masturbation Rates Will Skyrocket Due to “Social Distancing”

President Donald Trump backed off of his “let’s open up America again for Easter” claims and has officially extended “social distancing” through April 30th. Faith Science Expert and our own fearless leader, Lonnie Childs, took to an evening fax to warn His followers. Brother Lonnie’s fax began by thanking all […]

by March 29, 2020 2 comments Lonnie Childs, Science
Image by Greg Montani from Pixabay

17 Things to Do While Under “Stay At Home” Orders

As more and more states are issuing “Stay At Home” or “Shelter In Place” directives the average American is finding themselves out of work and with far too much time on their hands. Many heathens are boasting they are “working from home” while they are really just watching sinful pornographics […]

by March 29, 2020 2 comments Lifestyle
NIAID / CC BY (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)

Dr. Fauci Warns About Risks of Masturbation in COVID-19 Era

COVID-19 media superstar, Dr. Anthony Fauci, allegedly had a landline telephone conversation with our founder, and fellow doctor, Lonnie Childs. During this landmark meeting of the minds, Dr. Fauci allegedly gave Dr. Childs some key scientific information as it relates to masturbation and the spread of the deadly COVID-19 virus. […]

by March 29, 2020 0 comments Science
CORONA-19 VIRUSARS FAITHFACTS

CORONA-19 VIRUSARS FAITHFACTS

Regarding the CORONA-19 VIRUSARS; you cannot trust the LIEberal scLIEnce that is being peddled by the fake news media! Trust in Lonnie, trust in Jesus, and trust in the Faithfacts laid forth in this memer. God bless some of you! Lonnie

by March 16, 2020 2 comments Science
Trump to Impose Masturbation Ban

Trump to Impose Masturbation Ban

President Trump confirms he is about to authorize a “ban” on masturbators migration, new restrictions on entry from countries with a history of masturbation. “It’s countries that have tremendous self-rape,” Trump told SMN News in his first Skype interview as president. “And it’s countries that people are going to cum […]

by February 5, 2017 8 comments Politics
Mexi-FemiNazi’s Attack Chancellor Lonnie Childs During Press Conference!

Mexi-FemiNazi’s Attack Chancellor Lonnie Childs During Press Conference!

By Nigel J. Covington III Reporting For SMN News (SMN News) Today the U.S. Department of Education, (DOE) announced the Board of Education has approved a new Sex Education curriculum for all high school aged students who attend public high schools throughout the country. Cynthia Castle-Coe, a spokesperson for the […]

by February 4, 2017 1 comment Press Release
Donald Trump Fulfills First Prophecy, Disposes of Mexican Dictator Fidel Castro

Donald Trump Fulfills First Prophecy, Disposes of Mexican Dictator Fidel Castro

Havana, Mexico — Praise!  In the first of what is sure to be thousands of prophecies fulfilled, Dear Leader Donald Trump has administered swift and fatal justice to Mexican tyrant, Fidel Castro, who was killed today by special forces on the orders of the President-elect, ending decades of masturbation-related terrorism […]

by November 26, 2016 12 comments Trump
B.L.U.F.F. Male Masturbation Detection

B.L.U.F.F. Male Masturbation Detection

SMN -My dear friends in Christ through the Lonaldian Way. As you are well aware, the fight against the sin of self rape is an ongoing process, one that is never finished. The holy bible, being the most important reference on the topic of morality, contains certain instructions and responsibilities […]

by November 21, 2016 14 comments B.L.U.F.F.
Help Stop Masturbation Now!
Get the latest content first.
We respect your privacy.