B.L.U.F.F. / Faith Fact Series / Press Release / Uncategorized / Weather

Masturbation Particulate Count in Water Twisters Spout Concern


While a water spout is often weaker than most of its land counterparts, stronger versions spawned by bodies of water with high semen content do occur. Waterspouts do not suck up water. The water seen in the main funnel cloud is actually semen droplets formed by the chemical reaction of spilled seed in the warmed water (see right funnel cloud.) While many waterspouts form in the tropics, other areas also report waterspouts, including Europe, New Zealand, the Great Lakes, and other areas where there is a high occurrence of masturbation*.

It is no surprise that there is a correlation between the instances of damaging higher category water spouts and an increase in hand release among Americans. The Lord has most certainly seen to that.

All this is proof that God smites flesh sinners. The SMN Ministry urges those who masturbate to repent and sin no more.

*-source: B.L.U.F.F. FaithFacts™

2.8 72 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
guest
75 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Anonymous
Anonymous
2 years ago

I masturbate to this website

smart person
2 years ago
Reply to  Anonymous

Oh hey, me too

Passidy Cen
Passidy Cen
2 years ago
Reply to  Cassidy Pen

Your article adds nothing in terms of substance or educational value either

Anonymous
Anonymous
2 years ago
Reply to  Cassidy Pen

Cheers brother. I’ll fap to that.

Wank2U
Wank2U
2 years ago
Reply to  Cassidy Pen

Neither does your bullshit article.

Paul Pen
Paul Pen
2 years ago
Reply to  Cassidy Pen

Can you help me masturbate Cassidy?

Ron Goldman
Ron Goldman
1 year ago
Reply to  Cassidy Pen

Hey, that’s what I thought about this article too!

Yuri Tarded
Yuri Tarded
1 year ago
Reply to  Cassidy Pen

Spit on your hand and stroke my cock at a medium pace
Play with my balls and tell me how big they are
Honey rub your beaver up and down my face
Sir on the corner of the bed and watch me whack off

The master baiter
The master baiter
1 year ago
Reply to  Cassidy Pen

I am masturbating in semen reading this comment

i masterbate to ink sans
i masterbate to ink sans
2 years ago
Reply to  Anonymous

Same.

Your local satanist & masturbator & gay & furry
Your local satanist & masturbator & gay & furry
2 years ago
Reply to  Anonymous

Hell yeah

ezekiel
ezekiel
2 years ago

WHoever wrote this is batshit crazy. I’m going to go rapture all over myself thinking about it

smart person
2 years ago
Reply to  ezekiel

This website is a big fucking joke

Paul Pen
Paul Pen
2 years ago
Reply to  Cassidy Pen

Cassidy, it’s your brother here. Can you wank me off?

Cumshot Joe Reagan
Cumshot Joe Reagan
2 years ago
Reply to  Paul Pen

Don’t worry bro, I got you.

BROTHER.jpg
Your local satanist & masturbator & gay & furry
Your local satanist & masturbator & gay & furry
2 years ago
Reply to  Cassidy Pen

Nobody fuckin cares mate

Mem
Mem
5 months ago
Reply to  Cassidy Pen

K the fact that you think semen is in waterspouts is an embarrassing and nonsensical statement

THE WEBSITE IS SATIRE
THE WEBSITE IS SATIRE
1 year ago
Reply to  ezekiel

It’s satire and this comment section is making me lose braincells. These people are joking!!

Anonymous
Anonymous
2 years ago

Wtf, I’ll masturbate rn out of spite. Spite fucking myself

Jacknoff Anal
Jacknoff Anal
2 years ago

I am masturbating right now while I have a cucumber shoved up my bum….

Your local satanist & masturbator & gay & furry
Your local satanist & masturbator & gay & furry
2 years ago
Reply to  Cassidy Pen

nah man we’re not gonna stop

Zoombomber Guy
2 years ago

Fuck off satanist faggot furfag

Zoombomber Guy
Zoombomber Guy
2 years ago
Reply to  Zoombomber Guy

lmao 3 dislikes already fucking liberal snowflakes cry about it

Your local satanist & masturbator & gay & furry
Your local satanist & masturbator & gay & furry
2 years ago
Reply to  Zoombomber Guy

Nah i’m not either of those terms, i just put those two to piss these catholics off more lmfao

Zoombomber Guy
Zoombomber Guy
1 year ago

They are Lonniechildsians, not Catholics.

Cassidy Penis
Cassidy Penis
2 years ago
Reply to  Cassidy Pen

I request that you please go get some bitches

THE WEBSITE IS SATIRE
THE WEBSITE IS SATIRE
1 year ago
Reply to  Cassidy Pen

Dear Cassidy Pen, we know the site is satire. If it isn’t, please seek professional help. I know you do not think semen causes water sprouts.

Sincerely Concerned
Sincerely Concerned
2 years ago

Masturbation is sex with someone I love. In my experience, “faith facts”, are simply made up BS to control people. A lot of y’all need some serotonin. A natural and important chemical in the brain that boosts your mood. Get a better mood my friend! Join us! 🤣

Your local satanist & masturbator & gay & furry
Your local satanist & masturbator & gay & furry
2 years ago
Reply to  Cassidy Pen

“Big Masturbation Playbook”

Never laughed so god damn hard in my fucking life, y’all are so hilariously stubborn

Mem
Mem
5 months ago
Reply to  Cassidy Pen

They literally said “ be happy”

i am smart
i am smart
2 years ago

“*-source: B.L.U.F.F. FaithFacts™”
facts my ass

Jesus_187
Jesus_187
2 years ago

So true, the person behind this theory has to be a real mastermind. This should win a Nobel prize.

Dominik Pyszka
2 years ago

+1 kurwy kutas do cipy ahhahah lubie sie masturbowac

im masturbating right now
im masturbating right now
2 years ago

is this a meme or is this real

THE WEBSITE IS SATIRE
THE WEBSITE IS SATIRE
1 year ago

Meme

Your local satanist & masturbator & gay & furry
Your local satanist & masturbator & gay & furry
2 years ago

What the fuck is wrong with you people, masturbation is amazing

okay anyway im gonna get back to my discord werewolf boyfriend, we’re doing a fun erotic-roleplay involving him pissing and shitting and throwing up on me, and jacking me off, and lots and lots of masturbation, pre-marital sex, sinning, and self-raping

(oh plus, regarding the “Ouch pouch” I’m willing to bet 1500₽ that theres at least someone who has a fetish regarding that, it’s really just inevitable at this point, haha)

abear
abear
2 years ago

I have seen waterspouts off the beach in front of my house.
Likewise, every spring the herring spawn is a massive spectacle. Billions of the silvery perverts swim into the shallows. The males masturbate and spill their seed into the water, turning its color into a milky turquoise color. The females then swim into this clouds laying their eggs.
Could this be the cause of the waterspouts? Why does Jehovah allow this debauchery?

Mem
Mem
5 months ago
Reply to  abear

Exactly 🤣

Matthew
Matthew
2 years ago

Just got back from beating my cock and rolling joints with the devils lettuce in some bible pages 🤙🏼

Darius
Darius
2 years ago

I’m only here to inform that I will continue stroking my big, thick, hard and veiny dick

Your local satanist & masturbator & gay & furry
Your local satanist & masturbator & gay & furry
2 years ago
Reply to  Darius

hell yeah

Zoombomber Guy
Zoombomber Guy
2 years ago

based website

NIGGERS CAN FUKKK OFF
NIGGERS CAN FUKKK OFF
2 years ago

WHY ARE NIGGERS NOT ALL BEING SHIPPED TO SAN FRANCISCO

Carlos834
Carlos834
2 years ago

based and redpilled

Cummies McCummers
Cummies McCummers
2 years ago

There’s one thing you should know about me. I’m a black belt in masturbation. I’ve jerked my gerkin so much over the past 12 years or so, that my grip is now legendary. I once crushed a man’s hand just by giving him a handshake. Every time he uses that hand now, he thinks of me, the man who crippled his hand. And you, sword in hand, want to challenge me? I can break that sword in half in 3 seconds. You can try if you want to. But just know that I can ruin your life with one swift… Read more »

CP Ternzmion
CP Ternzmion
2 years ago

I will now wank to Cassidy Pen’s profile picture. Do you feel the good loving CP?

Garcia Clortchmen
Garcia Clortchmen
2 years ago

I am asexual and I think this website sucks

Heard of The Onion? Jesus…
Heard of The Onion? Jesus…
1 year ago

Are you also awitty?

I masturbated on this website
I masturbated on this website
1 year ago

I jerked off so hard after reading this that my cum shooted out everywhere

ItsThePoepoe
ItsThePoepoe
1 year ago

Poe’s Law is hilarious.

An Anomalocaris
An Anomalocaris
1 year ago

Yo Cassidy, loving the article👍 Used to wack my silly Willy hourly but after reading about masturbations effects on weather, I’ve since changed my mind and now read the Bible hourly instead, or at least whatever is readable through all the cum stains on it from before I read this article. Keep on truckin’ and don’t go wackin’.

Cleb
Cleb
1 year ago

No way people think this is not satire.

Elijah
Elijah
1 year ago

Just gotta let y’all know I’ll still be stroking my fat veiny long dick regardless of this meme of an article 🤣🤷🏻

danny
danny
1 year ago

do these people have hobbies like really who does this help people are literally dying in streets where I am your website is merely a pitiful statement of ignorance to the destruction of our world how could you possibly justify it

Cassidy is a Cunt
1 year ago

Cassidy Pen, what are you wearing right now? My raging, veiny foot-long is ready and I’m in pain

Hayden
Hayden
1 year ago

Masturbation, or the act of self-stimulating one’s own sexual organs for pleasure, has long been considered taboo and even sinful by some religious and cultural traditions. However, the reality is that masturbation is a normal and healthy part of human sexuality, and there is no scientific or moral reason to consider it a sin. First of all, it is important to recognize that masturbation is a natural and common human behavior. Nearly all people masturbate at some point in their lives, and it is a normal part of human sexual development. Masturbation can help people learn about their own bodies… Read more »

Hayden
Hayden
1 year ago

Matthew 7:15 ESV “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves.” 1 John 4:1-6 Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world. By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you heard was coming and now is in… Read more »

fappityfap
1 year ago

I just busted a nut fatter than the author of this article.

Hot Cowboy
1 year ago

8 naked cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch!
Big, hard, throbbing cocks wanting to be sucked!
18 naked cowboys wanting to be fucked!
Cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch!
On their knees wanting to suck cowboy cocks!
Ram Ranch really rocks!
Hot, hard, buff cowboys, their cocks throbbing hard!
18 more wild cowboys out in the yard!

Joe
Joe
1 year ago

So this is a fake site? How could anyone reference a fake site as their media source

self pleasuring Simon
self pleasuring Simon
1 year ago

I masturbate so much its proven that I cause hurricanes.

George
1 year ago

Check out this website mister pen

e621.net

Last edited 1 year ago by George
The master baiter
The master baiter
1 year ago

I am licking my erected dick right now

Mem
Mem
5 months ago

Wait how are you that flexible…?

Sally
Sally
1 year ago

Are people this dumb? Is this website a joke? I’m just not sure!!!

Barry Barrett
Barry Barrett
10 months ago

So the little funnel cloud is God finger banging the Earth and the big funnel cloud with all the semen in it is God screwing the Earth?

Mem
Mem
5 months ago
Reply to  Barry Barrett

Yeah

Packsmoker69
Packsmoker69
9 months ago

lmao skill issue

Mem
Mem
5 months ago

Omg! There’s semen in hurricanes?!!!

How is this a real article 🤣

Jebediah Puhpenschizcz
Jebediah Puhpenschizcz
3 months ago

Amen!

-Jebediah Puhpenschizcz (Mr. Puhpenschizcz)

ir144_repent_hero.jpg