HOLLYWOOD- CALIFORNIA (SMNNN)
The religious activism organization of children “Childs Youth”, (named for our savior Lonald Childs), released a statement today saying they have converted noteable homogay, Micheal Bay (Director of many blockbuster films, such as Planet of the Apes; Dark of the Moon, and Captain America: The Amazing Spiderman 2.) as a protest against the use of dinosaurs in the upcoming film Transformers 4, entitled: Transformers Age Of Extinction.
The Childs Youth stated that they had tracked and followed Bay since Transformers was released in 2007, and had abducted him from his own home on June 5, 2015. Bay was said to offer no resistance, and even seemed sympathetic at the time, states the press-release obtained by Stop Masturbation Now News Network: ” Bay seemed to agree with us, and even offered us use of his personal slow-motion helicopter as transport to the B.L.U.F.F. compound in Safford Arizona.”
Bay himself did, indeed sympathize with Our Mission, and released this statement:
” The kids are money. They know what Americans want, and it isn’t lies about evolution being real, or dinosaurs existing. What they want is a self-rape free cinema, and as a eunuch, I could not agree more. I only put the damned dinosaurs in there because I was threatened by Big Masturbation and I was fearful for my own safety. But these kids, they showed me it was Big Masturbation that should be afraid of ME. I mean this is Transformers, this should be about Megan Fox’s ass and swearing at Stanley Tucci, not about robots riding dinosaurs, I clearly don’t know what the **** I was doing with this, I was blinded by all the profits that kept rolling in. I mean GM gave me a Camaro, that’s mad distracting. ” Bay then went on for several more minutes about knowing what people want to see in film, and how “kick-ass” explosions are, before finally closing with “… masturbation is whack, and so is dinosaurs. I mean, seriously, who does science think it is kidding with this ********! You might have got me once, Big Masturbation, but never again! Lonnie Childs for life!”
He then dropped his microphone, ( A feat into and of itself, as it was attached to a podium.) and hastily left the stage.
Childs Youth was then granted free passes to the premiere of Transformers 4, and a handsome grant was made by Micheal Bay to the B.L.U.F.F Anti-evolution Faithscience center in Watertown CT.
The leader of Childs Youth, Jacob Franklin had only this to say. ” Well good. “