A woman’s health is a priority to roughly half of the human population. It’s where babies are made and it’s also where they come from. For a man, making sure his same-race wife’s vagina is in proper working order is no different than taking care of his tools. For the lesser-gender, having a ship-shape vagina is a source of pride, while having a loose and smelly one is a source of shame.
Many of our readers have asked about the physical toll that female masturbation can have on their body. Unfortunately, the news isn’t good.
B.L.U.F.F. University scientist have conducted a study on the effects that female masturbation has on a woman’s vagina, thanks to a generous grant from the United States Health Department. During this study, we looked at both “foreign body insertion masturbation” and “outside the sin-cave masturbation.”
The main effect of foreign body insertion masturbation resulted in the dilation of a woman’s female orifice, resulting in the inability for said woman to be assigned to a proper same-race husband. A secondary result was damage to the baby making areas of the female body. For those who use an insertion device that incorporates movement (vibrators) a third result is a heavier than usual menstrual cycle.
The main effect of outside the sin-cave masturbation, mirrors the effects of the mechanical insertion device. Our faith scientists concluded that the rubbing, buzzing and vibrating movements associated with mechanical inserts and over the sin-cave masturbation methods actually shake-loose the woman’s uterus and causes irregular and heavy-flow menstrual cycles. The result of this means more time for the ladies in the menstrual hut and less time in the kitchen, bedroom and gathering hall.
If you ever catch a woman in your charge masturbating, or if you suspect that a woman in your charge has been masturbating, we suggest you take emergency action and follow these steps:
- Ice-down her lady-area
- Either convince the woman to hold her breath or obstruct her airway in 30 second increments.
- Administer a spanking. This will help reverse the dilation that occurred previously.
- Consult with an exorcist.
Do make sure you have plenty of hand sanitizer available wherever you even think about touching a female’s swampy watermelon gash.
This has to be some of the most sexist MRA tripe have I have ever read in my life.
I would have to agree with your objection to race mixing, though.
A straight white male having sexual relations with a wombyn of color is guilty of two things: 1. Rape (since no heterosexual sex can be consensual) and 2. Cultural Appropriation (no straight white man should be allowed inside a POCs safe space, let alone her vagina).
So true! I can’t agree more with the race mixing! White people are gross! We should never mix!
The fuck?? How is all heterosexual sex considered rape??? How’d you get here then???
Who’s the dumb ass who created the idiotic site?
“We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn’t want to meet,”- Stephen Hawking
Fresh from Moscow Over Volga came to comrades aid City in despair Almost crushed by the führers army Oh it’s colder than hell Hitlers forces advancing The sound of mortars The music of death A grand symphony See your friends fall hear them Pray to the god your country denies Every man dies alone and when your Time comes you will know that it’s time Stalins fortress on fire Is this madness or hell The sound of the mortars The music of death We’re playing the devils symphony Our violins are guns Conducted from hell Oh Stalingrad Mratnimiat Are you… Read more »
Gals s
as a female masturbator i cant tell you know that obstructing the airways and spanking is just going to be counter-productive to your cause.
as a female masturbator i can tell you now that obstructing the airways and spanking is just going to be counter-productive to your cause.
This is satire right?
Yes. Self rape is Satan’s work but lucky us B.L.U.F.F. helps us, not only to identify the evil one’s plans to doom normal children of God, but to find real cures and solutions to get every normal one back on track to our Lord’s heaven.
Did you ever think that maybe that’s why your so angry? Cause sweet heart not enjoying the pleasures that one can give you or that you can give yourself is plain stupid. You are promoting woman abuse so #1 that makes you a pos #2 the reason your doing this is because your more than likely an inbred racist who throws a bible at anything that scares them. God cares about the big things in life not whether or not the people who claim to honor and serve him shame others for being themselves. Get a life!
It’s clearly a joke, ctfo
look at the effing picture. stop taking yourself so seriously. this site is hilarious!!
Wtf is all this shit. That’s all it is, Bullshit. You all need to wake up and get your head out of your ass.
lol, I feel like I just found a gem of a site. There is absolutely no possible way these articles could be real. This is obvious satire, but holy cow is it nailing it. I’ve heard similar talk with people denying evolution. ?
U guys r so sexist
We want to rant about how women masturbating is dangerous and “self-rape”, but allow men to “ice-down” their “lady-area”, spank, or touch them without permission? Husband or not, that is not okay by any means. A woman has rights to her own body, and no one should be allowed to touch her without permission. Us, as women, are perfectly capable of maintaining our own health and well-being. In fact, it’s a known phenomenon that human females *typically*, on average, live longer than males. (SOURCE: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1018115 ) It is not a man’s job to determine if our vaginas are in “working… Read more »
Stfu it’s a joke
Oh yeah Spank me daddy!
is this site fake
you people are insane this has to be fake <3