Foreigners

Insanity, Incest, and Inebriation: Is it Time to Ban Australia Day?

(StopMasturbationNOW)—When you say Australia, most of the world thinks about prison colonies, Crocodile Dundee, Olympic cheaters, terrible music, and kangaroos. But the reality is much much darker than that.

A Typical Drunk Aussie

A Typical Drunk Aussie

Australia was founded as the prison for the western world, sexual deviants, masturbators, homosexuals, rapists, and murders were put here as the land resembled a hell worse than death itself. Unfortunately they bred and as the world got smaller Australians became a part of the rest of the world.

 

Today in Australia the day Australia celebrates its becoming a prison full of sodomites. Unfortunately not much has changed in 200 years. On paper Australia day is supposed to be “The official National Day of Australia, marked by community and family events, reflections on Australian history, official community awards, and citizenship ceremonies welcoming new immigrants into the Australian community.” Again this is where reality is much different than paper. In reality Australia day is a day where Australians crank up men at work, masturbation rates skyrocket, crime goes up, public Incest becomes as normal holding hands, and drunken children wander potholed streets.

Australia leads the world in Incest and Sodomy

Australia leads the world in Incest and Sodomy

Australia needs the world to step in and set an example. Strict moral and family value legislation must be quickly be introduced. The world needs to place economic sanctions on Australia immediately similar to the way the world put sanctions on South Africa to force change related to apartheid. The united nations needs to immediacy pass a resolution to implement this social change.

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6rouchoJaneGael (@janegaelr)Fr. John duffyMissG82marjan393 Recent comment authors
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Ted
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Ted

I have questions about this article and the website in general. How do you measure the masturbation rate? I can’t understand any kind of report method or surveillance method that could accurately measure the rate of masturbation. Also, the first photo used is not of a typical drunk ‘aussie’ that is in fact (in)famous actor Mel Gibson. How can you speak to the fact that Australia has potholed streets or anymore potholed streets than the US? Those are the things I don’t understand.

6roucho
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@Ted. I think there are several well-established measures for the masturbaton rate: per person per day, and per meter per day. The problem is that per meter per day unfairly advantages males in the records.

Bob, IToldYou
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Wtf is this bullshit? Hopefully satirical nonsense.

doctorfelcher
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We need economic sanctions on South Africa to restore the godly apartheid government!

ADyingRaven
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ADyingRaven

You sir, have a mental issue. You start your own website, stating that “Masturbation causes world disasters” and the such, and I honestly cannot tell if this is a joke. You say that God is the highest being, yet you praise yourself as if you’re his son! You are not a Catholic at all! You are one of the most infuriating people on the internet and you honestly need help. Go to an established church, ANY establish “Catholic” church, and talk to the parishioners there, and they will tell you that you are completely in the wrong. You need to… Read more »

masturbator
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masturbator

Mate your an idiot, that is a New Zealand flag not an Australian flag. Second that is a picture of Mel Gibson and he was born in New York USA.

C.C.
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C.C.

Amen

qwertyghvb
Guest

Seems legit

marjan393
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this website is hilarious. Don’t believe any of the shit they post here.

MissG82
Guest

WHAHAHAHAHA Do you Masturbate Lonnie? Your stupidity is quit high here. Check your info before you post something.

Fr. John duffy
Guest

Is this a subsidiary of the Onion?

JaneGael (@janegaelr)
Guest

I LOVE it!! The US doesn’t want Mel Gibson. He is your typical bogan — proving that you can take the bogan out of Australia, but they will still be low class drunken arseholes even if they live in a mansion. And the Kiwi flag is a nice touch. This is a great story keep up the good work.