Lena Dunham: Masturbation Led to Abuse of Sister, Green Hair

Book reveals how masturbation turned Dunham into sexual predator

HBO actress and writer Lena Dunham is catching a firestorm of criticism after bloggers have called attention to a number of shocking revelations in her book, Not That Kind of Girly.

In the book, Dunham talks about her privileged upbringing and her ultra-rich left-wing artist parents, growing up in a $6.25 million New York apartment and summer home in Connecticut, experiencing elite private schools and a steady stream of therapists, doctors and psychologists. She relates the details of incidents in which she masturbated with her younger sister present, leading her to make unwanted advances.

We won’t reprint the sordid details here but Dunham describes her own behavior thusly: “Basically, anything a sexual predator might do to woo a small suburban girl I was trying.

"This one is for raping myself, and this one is for raping my sister."
“Two fingers for me, two for my sister.”

In the book, Dunham also describes how constant masturbation resulted in weight gain and slowly turned her hair green. Dunham has reportedly threatened to sue websites and blogs that have quoted passages from her book directly and gone into a self-described “rage spiral” against her critics.

Pastor Lonnie Childs, founder of Stop Masturbation Now Ministries, Inc. issued the following statement from the Dean’s Office office at Brother Lonnie’s University of FaithFacts™ (B.L.U.F.F.):

“Dunham, the ‘Queen of Dumpy,’ has indicted herself on several counts, regaling the perverts with her tell-all trash tales. It is quite telling of our society’s moral decline when publishers shower her with millions to publish her putrid pornography.”

“Dunham even turned her little sister into a HomoGay™ with her masturbation and abuse, using her as an experimentation platform for her perverted fantasies. She is digging a deeper hole with her ill-aimed mastur-rage at people who are only trying to help her.”

“However, there is hope for this troubled soul. She needs to ask forgiveness from the Lord, repudiate masturbation, and tithe 10 per cent of her income to a good cause such as the University of FaithFacts™ or the Foundation for a Better Tomorrow. I’m not holding my breath, though.”


Sorry girl, those stripes aren't helping.
Sorry girl, those stripes aren’t helping.


10 Comments on Lena Dunham: Masturbation Led to Abuse of Sister, Green Hair

  1. Verily, Miss Dunham needs to repent, abandon her spoiled, loony leftist ways and tithe a portion of her sizable assets to the vanguards of truth and justice – the flock of Lonnie Childs! Forgiveness is rare, but indeed possible.

  2. Wow, you guys really are a bunch of dumb a holes. Yet more evidence that lack of education leads to Christianity. Masturbation slowly turned her hair green? I suspect that was probably the dye she put in for attention, dumbasses

  3. Dunham is flat out disgusting. This woman has no shame, like all masturbators, and now seeks to profit off of the pain and suffering she’s inflicted on others and herself by writing a pornographic book detailing her exploits.. She is one of the most shameful figures to arise this year from the liberal left and hopefully something punitive is done to her for all of her sins.

  4. I don’t like left wings as much as the next republican, but obviously she dyed her hair, you guys can’t be this stupid, or am I wrong and you are stupid, what colleges did you all go to? Oh that’s right none

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