Danvers ME-(SMNNN)
Elementary school students of Danvers, Maine have tested at an all-time low, and masturbation is to blame, say new studies done by B.L.U.F.F. Aqua-management Surveying Division.
Masturbation Film Residue Particles, or MFRPs, as they are more popularly known, from Snow Mexican seminal fluids , are believed to have seeped into the groundwater of Danvers, through a massive shared aquifer. Levels of MFRPs were found to be over 9000 in most cases, well way-way more than enough to tard-up young kids.
A map of Mainers who are gonna get tarded.
Says Dr. Walito Espisito. ” Nah. This is no good. I heard, and I think it is no good.”, no doubt in reference to the huge levels of highly-tarded morons that are about to replace the only semi-tarded residents of Danvers. Some sources speculate tards to be the dominant form of person in Danvers by 2015.
B.L.U.F.F warns that semen could contaminate the entire country, as early as soon.
We could all get tarded, unless we STOP masturbation NOW!!
Mmm cumwater!!!
This is why I only drink cat milk and bathe in Lonnie’s Golden Showers, using BLUFF approved LUX kebab soap for lesser-gendereds.