Can I Get A Whoop Whoop Whooping Cough?

• Recent Whooping Cough Epidemic Linked to Juggalos and Their Filthy Lifestyle
• Obama to ban Juggalo gatherings on US soil
• Australia defies advice of the WHO and agrees to host next Gathering of the Juggalos

The World Health Organization has recently released figures regarding the rise in outbreaks of Whooping Cough and, up to press, the biggest outbreaks have been in towns that have played to host to the Gathering of the Juggalos Festival.

Thornville, Ohio recently hosted the festival, which prides itself on hosting satanic music bands and openly encourages bestiality and masturbation, and was left with a health bill that far exceeded the cost of cleaning up the mess left by the filth ridden gypsies known as ‘Juggalos’ and ‘Bronies’.  Thornville was once a prosperous small town it is now a desolate, disease-ridden wasteland after Juggalos left behind their ‘calling card’ of antibiotic resistant sickness.

Most Juggalo babies are born into disease and poverty.

Charlie Bloxham, a local man of native descent, was witness to the carnage said, “It was awful. There were men, women and children openly masturbating to loud rock music whilst their pop idols cavorted around on stage in a provocative manner dressed as sexy ponies,” he stuttered.  “All around you could hear calls of ‘Whoop Whoop’ as they let each other know who was and wasn’t contagious.  All this amongst those dead and dying from this horrific and deadly disease.”

The festival, which had been thrown out of Missouri for similar health scares and numerous cases of animal abuse, draws over a hundred thousand convicts, homosexuals and paedophiles together under the “Juggalo” banner and it is there that they hatch their plans for global festival domination with use of this evil disease.

Josh Webb, a Juggalo spokesperson said, “Dude, we are taking this sh*t to the world.  Ain’t nothing gonna stop the spread of the disease or the spread of the Clown lifestyle. This time next year, y’all be either ‘clowning’, or you be dead. Can I get a ‘whoop whoop’ from all my homies?”  When pressed on the act of clowning, he described how he and other Juggalos like to insert and remove dog faeces from within each other’s bodies.  A practice I heartily recommend you never try!

Typical Juggalo

Chris Sheehy, an Australian spokesperson for Psychospastic Records, said “Australia welcomes any group that is willing to adhere to its low standards of behaviour. The Outrageous Clown Posse and their Bronie fans behave no worse than your average Sheila on her wedding night.” When asked about the health risks to Australians he relaxed and said “Australia is basically a massive cesspool of disease and those bloody clowns are more at risk from us than we are from them.”

Personally, I will be pleased to see the back of any and all people that believe dressing up as clowns and ponies is a socially acceptable pastime for an adult to indulge in.  Australia is well suited to the clown lifestyle as, compared to the western world, moral outrage is an acceptable part of daily life there and it’s as common as shrimps, boomerangs and Rolf Harris.

Juggalos and Bronies, a recipe for a healthcare epidemic

Clowning?

Its not big, it’s not clever.

Now, can I get a “whoop whoop”???